Vice, Virtue, and Vicarious Victory

January 6, 2009

I spend a lot of time thinking about the destructive habits we use to avoid or escape reality: vices, virtues (which are often just vices in disguise), and living vicariously through someone or something else. My initial assumption is that these v’s are interchangeable; they are all addictions (though some are more socially acceptable than others) and should be treated as such. We all, at some point or another, feel trapped by something, though the “ties that bind” are various and insidious. We have personal themes that we struggle to escape, even though to outsiders it seems like a simple choice: just don’t do it!

Finding balance is all about avoiding the extremes. Enjoying a glass of wine is okay–or, let’s face it, even the occasional bottle; but spending most of your waking hours in a drunken stupor is clearly a problem. Watching a little TV each day to get your mind off things is fine; but spending more time with “reality” TV than with real people could be considered avoidance or escapism. Keeping the house reasonably clean is understandable; but devoting more time to disinfecting bathrooms than you devote to your spouse and kids is probably a little overboard (at least in my opinion). Being proud of your kids is a good thing; but forcing them to do the things you wish you had done is a bit unfair. Most things in moderation are not a problem, if they don’t interfere with life and do no harm.

But what happens when our habits do sabotage our ability to enjoy lasting happiness? First, we need to identify the toxic behaviors that we engage in even when we know we shouldn’t. Some of these are obvious vices and have support groups, treatment centers and societal incentives to quit: smoking, drugs, alcohol abuse, prostitution, gambling, porn, adultery, and anger. But some don’t seem quite as toxic, so quitting doesn’t seem so urgent and treatment is harder to come by: over-eating, excessive shopping, TV, Internet, video games, sloth, greed, vanity, OCD cleanliness and worry. Then there are those that are disguised as virtues: financial security, constant exercise, workaholism, fame, wanderlust, fanaticism, prudishness, the need to be right, the illusion of control, and micro-managing the lives of our children. Any behavior that is taken to extremes in an effort to avoid or escape reality can be addictive and toxic. To overcome these unwanted habits we must plan for the unbearable hunger, craving, and void that will be left when the “drug” is removed.

If we don’t have a solid plan in place for the inevitable moments of weakness, we will choose poorly. We will give in. In addition to abstaining from the habit we must actively work towards our goal every day for as long as it takes, perhaps forever: effort, dedication, motivation, goal-setting, and patience. We must clearly define our priorities and constantly choose to protect them. Balance is that point at which our outward life is a clear reflection of our inner self. When we have that transparency and unity, we are free to be the same person regardless of who is around (or not). “May the outward and inner man be at one.” –Socrates (Photo Credit)

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Posted in addictions, bad habits, compulsions, inner peace