Balance or Conflict – Which Do You Choose?
January 12, 2009
The difference between internal conflict and a sense of balance is acceptance. There was a time when I felt torn, conflicted and overwhelmed by the difference between my Yins and my Yangs. I was on an emotional roller coaster, as I struggled to get rid of my less desirable qualities, in favor of that image I had of my “best self”. Today I feel balanced, serene and at peace, even though nothing about my circumstances or me has changed–except my perspective. Now I am able to accept that both sides of me are, in fact, a vital part of my best self.
When I try to fully embrace one aspect of myself, and reject the other, I feel ripped at the seams; I feel incomplete. When I am able to make the most of each, knowing that the other is patiently waiting its turn, life seems to flow smoothly. On my chipper days of focused productivity, I revel in getting things done. I even complete tasks ahead of schedule, storing up for what I know lies ahead. On my melancholy days of introspection and self-doubt, I allow myself to rest, and linger in that deep, gray sea of emotion, confident that the sun will rise again.
As a result, I have phases of super-productivity, planning, creating and achieving. These are my emotional spring equinox. I also have phases of contemplation, and even sadness, during which I get very little done–my autumnal equinox. But I find that, like everything else in Nature, my body (my spirit) needs the time of rest and turning inward in order to spring forth new ideas and radiate new beauty, and a new zest for life.
My balance comes from accepting that I am not above the laws of Nature. Life has been created in such a way as to be eternally self-renewing, and self-preserving. I am reminded of the story of Persephone, who was the Queen of the Underworld (death), but at the same time the embodiment of fertility (new life). Trying to maintain our most productive emotional level all the time, we cannot possibly endure.
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Posted in acceptance, balance, present moment, serenity
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