Stages of the Journey

January 30, 2009

Today’s post is a continuation of yesterday’s Are We There Yet?. If you haven’t already, you may want to read that one first. You may also want to subscribe by email, so you get the updates sent right to your inbox.

All of us are on a journey. Most of us would like to get to a place where we suffer less; we want lasting happiness. We are all at different stages along that journey, and wonder how much further it will be. How much more must we endure? I believe there are five stages, or progress markers, along the way.

STAGE 1: At the beginning of our journey, we recognize our discontent, but we believe the barrier to our happiness is something external. We think we would be perfectly happy if we could just get… something: more money, a better job, a different partner, any partner, a little free time, a weekly massage; you get the idea. At this stage we believe the reason we are not happy is just about anything other than ourselves. We want to treat the symptoms, but aren’t ready to deal with the cause. In other words, this stage is denial, and puts us furthest from our goal.

STAGE 2: We now know that WE are the problem, but we don’t know what the solution is. We understand there is nothing we could buy or achieve to become happy. We judge ourselves harshly, and wallow in guilt, shame, anger, and resentment. Rather than feeling closer to inner peace, we often feel worse than we did in Stage 1. But keep in mind that it is always darkest just before dawn. When we start to look inward for the problem and solution, we are considerably closer to finding balance and reaching our destination.

STAGE 3: After much introspection, study and patience, we know we have kept ourselves from being happy. We know we have to choose to do otherwise, to view the world and our circumstances differently. If you want proof of this, read Man’s Search for Meaning. In this stage we have to train our mind to think in a whole new way, to focus on the present moment. This is the most challenging part the quest for balance. We have a roadmap to our goal, but don’t know if we can reach it.

Let me elaborate on Stage 3, and this issue of conquering the mind, since it is vital to reaching the next two stages. Training your mind is like training your body to summit Everest… only harder, but not impossible. You need to set your goal, plan your path, be prepared for the difficulties that will arise, and have incredible determination. Here’s how you summit Everest: one step at a time.

The climbers are so tired and oxygen deprived that they are doing their best not to waste time or energy on anything other than doing their current task well. They might be tying a knot, crossing a crevasse, or climbing an ice wall; but I promise you, they are 100% focused on the present moment, each moment, until they reach the top. Thoughts of what was or what might be, or regrets or what ifs, merely serve as distractions when so much is on the line. Focus on what you are doing this moment (every moment;) the quality of your life depends on it.

Here’s a little example: you dislike your job and cannot leave it yet. It may be miserable or just mildly unsatisfying, but you are there 40 hours each week. The remaining 128 hours of each week (granted, some are sleeping hours) you could be completely happy if you thought only of what you are doing in those moments. But, chances are, your mind is constantly thinking about how much you hate your job, or the million things you’d rather be doing in the future. So you feel dissatisfied 168 hours per week, instead of 40; but it is your choice.

I do think you should spend some time making productive plans to change your situation, but those times should make you feel hopeful and inspired, not miserable and desperate. By staying only in the present moment, you realize that most of your moments are not bad at all. If they are, you DO need to change some things and might want to consider creating a Simplicity Outline to make your days more enjoyable.

STAGE 4: Problem solved. You have learned to live fully in the present moment and feel a constant sense of inner peace, stillness, and happiness, no matter what life throws your way. Bask in that feeling for a bit; appreciate how far you have come. This is where I have been living for a while. If you are at this stage, you don’t need my help. I hope you will write some guest posts for this blog in the near future.

STAGE 5: Now what? Can the stillness be shared? Can I help others find lasting happiness too? I believe it is possible, and certainly worth a try!

Related posts: Are We There Yet? and My 5 Point Simplicity Outline.

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Posted in happiness, inner peace, present moment, serenity