Choosing to See the Good
February 2, 2009
What is being captured in this photo? Is it the beautiful flowers, a dirty city street, a peaceful morning, or a stressful and crowded place with limited parking and crappy jobs? This one image of this one fraction of a moment is all those things, and much more. It’s all in how you look at it.
No matter where I look for answers-philosophy, psychology, Eastern or Western religions-I always find the same message: the way to be happy is to focus on the present moment. But when I try to convey this to others, they look at me like I just told them the only way they’ll be happy is if they can stay in chanting meditation while standing on their heads in a candle-lit room, or if they are meandering down a lazy river unencumbered in the spring time. In other words, they hear, “You might as well forget about it, YOU will never be happy.” Happiness in the Present Moment sounds so abstract or unattainable, ironically, that they just write it off as “something to aspire to, that I guess is just not meant for me at this time.’
Alternately, I get this response: “OK, I know I’m supposed to focus on the present moment, but frankly it sucks. My kid is home sick, I’m at this stupid job, my boss is yelling in my ear, my husband and I had a fight this morning, and I just spilled my coffee all over my reports! The only way I can be happy right now is to take my mind away from all this, back to a time when I was carefree, or to my vacation at the beach next month. The present, my present moment, sucks.”
This at least is a better answer than the first because it shows an effort, half-hearted though it may be, to actually TRY to stay in the moment. This person tried it, but didn’t like what they saw. So perhaps the problem is semantics; maybe the term present moment is discouraging or distracting. Let’s call it something else. What we want to focus on is the Good that is always there–good feelings, good actions, good intentions, good responses, good tidings, and all things good.
So if we are focused on the GOOD, then we can look back at the “present moment” in the office and re-evaluate. When my generic stressed out working mom described her present, she chose selective details. Not only that, those details are in essence irrelevant because they are impermanent. In other words, they are here today, gone in a while, or a day or a week.
Once the spilled coffee is cleaned, and new reports are printed, that’s a non-issue. Once the boss has her say and leaves, she’s a non-issue; you just have one more item on your to-do list. Odds are you and your husband will make up later today, or tomorrow (or maybe it’s the end and you can move on to a better relationship.) Your kid is sick, but home resting; and you’ll be home soon too–getting coughed on and all those other wonderful things moms love. All these are transient, irrelevant details surrounding the present moment. We want the Good that lies beneath.
Here’s the Good present moment: you HAVE a job in today’s economy, maybe even one with medical insurance, if you are really fortunate. Your boss is yelling because SHE is stressed out and miserable, and has much further to travel on her quest for balance. Even if you made a mistake, she could approach you with decency, kindness and respect. Since she doesn’t, just know that she is probably in a terrible emotional state. Pity her, don’t fear her or let her ruin your day. Coffee spills, oh well. No need to cry over spilled coffee–unless it was Costa Rican coffee, in which case you should get another cup. If your kid is home with the sniffles then, trust me–TRUST ME, it could be much worse. My then-six-year-old had bone harvested from his hip to rebuild his skull, courtesy of a careless surgeon. Revel in the sniffles, if that’s all you’ve got to deal with. The present moment is all in how you look at it; WHICH details do YOU choose to focus on?
I’ve said it before and I’ll keep saying it: if you have not read Man’s Search for Meaning, then you are making your journey take longer than it needs to. Viktor Frankl has a more compelling way of expressing how much we each choose our own outlook on life. It sounds like I’m just saying, “Always look on the bright side of life.” Maybe I am; focus on the GOOD in each moment. Take it from me, the quintessential cup-half-empty kid; it works.
I’d love to hear your thoughts and questions on this issue. Do you find it impractical or abstract when people say, “Stay in the Present Moment?”
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Posted in beauty, choices, present moment, serenity
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Lisis, Thank you for inserting yourself into my life and writing what I need to hear everyday. I have “shared” today’s entry with my daughter because when I started to read your entry I though well there are some people who “at the moment” (and most moments) don’t have even a moment in their lives that they enjoy. Maybe after reading this they can find a moment they can enjoy. Thank you, thank you, thank you. PLEASE compile your entries into a book!!! D
Maybe throughout the journey we can find things to enjoy or be thankful for in EVERY moment, even the tough ones. “The deeper sorrow carves into your being, the more joy you can contain.” (Kahlil Gibran)
I am so glad YOU are enjoying our quest for balance. =-)
I definitly try to stay positive and see the good of even the stressful situations and it definitly works.
In this picture, I am focused on the sushi place at the end of the block! See it? ; )
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