Be Strong: Self-Esteem, Achievement, Respect
February 17, 2009
The fourth level of my version of the hierarchy of needs is: Be Strong. I wrote about the previous three levels here: Just Be, Be Safe, and Be Social.
Once we get to this level, we are no longer concerned about survival necessities, or finding others to connect with. Now we begin to turn inward and assess how far we have come on our journey. This includes concepts like self-esteem and confidence, achievement and success, and respect of and by others. Let’s look at each a little closer.
Self-Esteem & Confidence
All of us start off with some degree of insecurities, guilt and shame. There are all sorts of reasons for this, but you could spend a lifetime trying to isolate and analyze those reasons, without getting any closer to happiness. What does matter is that we acknowledge these feelings so we can get past them.
At some point we have to learn not to judge ourselves so harshly and not to look to others for validation. We begin to feel better about ourselves, and truly confident in our abilities. This newly found inner strength makes us want to achieve, succeed, and do something that matters. But what?
Achievement & Success
One of the detours on our road to happiness takes place at this level because we become interested in success even before we have really defined what “success†means to each of us. We are headed somewhere fast, but we are not sure where. We look to societal norms, peer examples, and family expectations to determine what we should achieve.
Sometimes parents want their kids to grow up to be doctors, or lawyers, or some other fancy thing. Often peers and college counselors encourage us to get into a field that is guaranteed to always have jobs, like technology, finance, and nursing. Societal norms and trends may direct a whole generation of students into one field like, “All things environmentally friendly are the way of the future.â€
Because we usually have not clearly defined our idea of success in terms of what we value most, often even the most outstanding achievements can leave us feeling completely unfulfilled… like we are wasting our lives away merely for a paycheck or prestige. A good place to start figuring out what we would like to be doing instead is the book, What Color Is Your Parachute?
Respect of & by Others
Our achievements are an outward manifestation of our inner strength, so people take notice. Others begin to respect us for our successes, and we look to others and admire their achievements. It feels like we have finally “arrived†where we were headed, but something is still missing.
Maybe we start to notice people who are not defined by their successes or failures, but by their character and values. We come to realize that we would like to be respected for something other than our material wealth and possessions. At this stage, as Kierkegaard
“To return the sense of dignity and honor to manhood, we have to stop pretending that we can make a living at something that is trivial or destructive and still have sense of legitimate self-worth.†(Sam Keen)
At this point there is a choice to be made about this feeling of emptiness: should I seek pleasures to disguise my unhappiness, or should I search within myself to find and eradicate the source of my unhappiness? The first option often involves fast cars, money spent, trading in spouses for young hotties, and wasting an additional ten to fifteen years on fruitless pursuits. I’m not a big fan of this choice for obvious reasons.
My choice involves turning inward towards personal growth and self-actualization. This level of strength and achievement is the last of the deficiency needs. Once we move beyond these lower level concerns, we reach the fifth and final level of my inverted pyramid: Be Happy. I will be writing more about it tomorrow.
Do you ever feel like you have achieved all that you were supposed to, but still have not found happiness?
Read more about the 5 Steps to Finding Fulfillment:
1. Just Be
2. Be Safe
3. Be Social
4. Be Strong (This article)
5. Be Happy
Helpful Links: Discover Your Life Purpose | Most Important Tasks | Life Your Life Purpose
Related posts:
Posted in 
content rss
Absolutely. I feel like I have “accomplished” all that I set out to and more, but somehow, the accomplishments themselves (and all that they represent) have not brought me happiness. It’s time to focus on what comes next.
You got it. As a recovering over-achiever, I am well aware of that feeling.
Sometimes I wonder how so many of us got placed on the wrong track to begin with, the over-complicated, way too stressful, focused-on-the-wrong-things track.
The good news is: it’s not too late to start enjoying life now.
Lisis
I work for a University and I am always coming across students who’s parents are encouraging them towards University study they’re aren’t interested in. The parents may want them to be doctors, lawyers and so on, but the student may want to follow their passion for dance or film.
I’ve even heard of a students telling their parents they are studying towards one degree whilst actually enrolling in another!
An interesting book on career direction is The Adventures of Johnny Bunko by Daniel Pink.
That’s really amazing, that the students tell their parents one thing and study another! If that isn’t proof that sometimes parental expectations can be too much, I don’t know what is!
I am going to have to check out that book, for sure!
Thanks so much,
Lisis
[...] I have been writing about my version of the hierarchy of needs: Just Be, Be Safe, Be Social, and Be Strong. Having met those lower level needs as simply as possible, we now have the luxury to explore the [...]
[...] Just Be (This article.) 2. Be Safe 3. Be Social 4. Be Strong 5. Be [...]
[...] inverted pyramid, or a cone. I still have the four deficiency levels: Just BE, Be Safe, Be Social, Be Strong; but these don’t take up much of my time. Then there’s the top half of the cone, the [...]