Be Happy: Find Balance and Inner Peace
February 18, 2009
Recently I have been writing about my version of the hierarchy of needs: Just Be, Be Safe, Be Social, and Be Strong. Having met those lower level needs as simply as possible, we now have the luxury to explore the highest level, our need for lasting happiness and fulfillment: Be Happy! Yay!!!
There are a couple of things I like about viewing my needs as an inverted pyramid. One is that the biggest level, where I spend most of my time, is all about finding happiness. The other is that, since this is the top of a cone, there is no upper limit. I can spend the rest of my life stacking “scoops†of happiness on top. If you knew how much I love ice cream, you’d understand why this analogy makes me happy. 
“The measure of a nation’s greatness is not its gross national product, but its gross national happiness.†(King of Bhutan)
Be Happy this is the fun level, the one we’ve been waiting for and working towards! This is where you will get the highest return for your investment; this is the one that lasts for the rest of your life. There are so many ways you can explore your path to lasting happiness, and so many great resources and books. We will get to these in time, as this blog unfolds. For now, I would like to focus on three things that have greatly contributed to my happiness:
Know Yourself
I talk to people about this all the time. This is pretty much the key to everything; you have to know who you are and what you value. There are so many mixed messages and misguided expectations facing you every day. The best way to stand up to them and make it through intact is to know yourself well. Live with integrity, being true to what you value, and respecting others for being true to their beliefs.
This is the most important step, but sometimes it can be difficult for people to remove the distractions, calm the chaos, and look within. I didn’t find my personal truths by staring at a candle in deep meditation (although I hear that approach works too.) I discovered who I am and what I value when I started thinking about what I want to teach my son.
Imagine your child (or future child) asking you, “What is the most important thing? If I do nothing else in life, what would you want me to do?†The answer appeared so simply for me, and I tell him all the time: “Be loving, compassionate, and tolerant of those who are not like you.†I don’t know if this is THE truth, but it is MY truth; and it has served me well.
Accept the Facts
In order to be happy, you will need to accept at least these two facts:
* You have limitations. Understand what they are. You can’t be all things to all people, you are not perfect, and you won’t be good at everything you try. It’s OK.
* You can’t make others change. It is interesting to note that an awful lot of people turn to self-help and personal development books in order to find ways to change OTHERS. “If only my (husband, wife, friend, child, co-worker, boss) were not so difficult, my life would be better.†That may be the case, but the only person you can change is yourself. You can teach or inspire by example, but you cannot force change on someone who is not interested in changing.
Be Your Best Self
Given your new understanding of who you are, and your limitations, make the most of it. Do something you are passionate about, contribute, solve problems, create, share, or help. Be flexible when things don’t go according to your plan; sometimes it is best to just go with the flow of life. You can’t force your way into happiness… you ease into it.
Once you find inner peace and lasting happiness, it doesn’t matter what happens; you will be OK. If one of the lower levels needs revisiting because your house burns down, you lose your job, or you have a health crisis, you will deal with it and get right back on track. Once you have experienced true happiness, it can never be taken away from you. It is always within your grasp, right under the superficial distractions.
What is the one thing that has contributed the most to your happiness?
Review the 5 Steps to Finding Fulfillment:
1. Just Be
2. Be Safe
3. Be Social
4. Be Strong
5. Be Happy (This article)
Helpful Links: Self Acceptance vs Personal Growth | Make the World Better | 15 Life Lessons
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Posted in balance, happiness, inner peace, needs
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If I could only say one thing that’s contributed to my happiness I would say it’s being present.
I’ve never been one to live in the past so that was never an issue for me, but I was certainly consumed by the future. Setting goals, planning, sacrificing today for the benefits of tomorrow. I found myself always waiting for the future because things will be better then.
These days, I know that’s a mistake. I still set goals and I still plan but I don’t feel like I’ve lost something when life changes and I need to change my plans or get rid of goals which are no longer valid.
I’m more aware of time passing and am not going to lose any more of it waiting for tomorrow. I now strive to live in the present moment.
What a fantastic series of posts! “Scoops of happiness”…I think you’re onto something there!
Hi, Gwynn!
I totally agree with you. If I could “force feed” everyone only ONE skill, it would be that: stay in the present moment. Some get bogged down in their past, others worry themselves sick about the future; neither is productive.
The key, like you said, is being able to still have plans, hopes and dreams without being crushed when things don’t work out that way. Likewise, we can learn from our past and cherish our beautiful memories, without letting our past hinder our present or future life.
Thanks for following the series!
Lisis
I agree with your philosophy about being in the “present” Gwynn. Sadly, there are those who are caught up in the “present” of stressful situations but are unable to effectively respond to it. However, living the “moments” like you said will for sure bring more happiness into our lives.
I read all of your previous posts about just “being” Lisis. Very insightful and informative. My favorite themes you brought up were being flexible and being comfortable because I believe having your unique “comfort” zone will enable you to be more flexible and aware of your surroundings.
I agree that attaining balance in all aspects of our life is one key ingredient towards a more happy and successful life.
Keep up the great posts, Lisis.
Thanks, Vincent! I sure do appreciate you stopping by and reading my posts. I am glad that you are also on the path to helping others find happiness and balance.
You’re very welcome Lisis…I’m just happy that we can feed of each other’s energy.
[...] Just be. Because we all do breathe, eat, and sleep. Also the ability of just being is also something highly valuable. Then, be safe. Because you don’t want to be kidnapped, and financial security is a good thing, too. Be social. We love friends, and dating is awesome, too. The list goes on, be strong. And that’s not just lifting weights. And finally – everybody knows a smile has godly healing powers: be happy. [...]
I enjoy being creative through photography. It gives me great peace and helps me be centered on the present moment.
JR: I love that you are expressing yourself through photography. Your work is fantastic, and I have a whole new appreciation for what that means now that I’m trying to take pictures of my candle art! You’re right that it is a great way to stay centered and present, and that is where true happiness resides.