Homeschooling and Other Big Decisions
April 29, 2009
I never thought I would choose to homeschool my son
Ever since I left my career to stay home with my baby, I assumed it would be temporary… just until he started school. Then, I figured, I would have time to work, go back to school, or write the great American novel.
There are a million reasons why parents choose to homeschool (or not), but in our case the reason was mostly medical. Just before he was due to start Kinder, my son had a somewhat routine (if there is such a thing) surgery that went… let’s just say, awry. (You can read more about it in Overcoming Challenges.) With the surgeon’s blessing we still enrolled him in school, but as he suffered more complications, and later needed a “repair” surgery, titanium screws, and a halo, we opted to keep him home.
Since I had never planned to homeschool, I felt “behind the curve”; I had no idea where to begin, what to teach, for how long, etc. After much research and deliberation, I settled on The Well Trained Mind, a curriculum that will provide him a chronological, classical education.
Making the decision to homeschool can be a pretty big deal, and fairly intimidating. For me it was scarier than deciding to jump out of an airplane. So many questions kept running through my head. The main one, of course, was choosing whether to do it…
Will he turn out fine, or am I ruining his entire future?
The thing I keep in mind here is that the decision is not irreversible, so it’s really not as dramatic as it seems. We can try it out, particularly in the earlier grades, and decide if it is right for us. If not, he can always go back to regular school.
What are the legal requirements for my state?
I found everything I needed at the Home School Legal Defense Association. I only have to provide a record of attendance (180 school days per year), and start the standardized tests of my choosing in third grade.
Am I qualified to teach my child?
I am now convinced, there is no one more qualified to teach my own child than ME. In fact, even if I chose public school, I would be as involved as possible. I know him, and love him, and want to prepare him for life. I can provide structure and continuity. I also love to learn; there is no better way to learn a subject than to teach it.
Is it the right thing for this child?
Although I LOVE homeschooling for us, I don’t believe it is for everyone. The personality of both the parent and the child should be well suited to specialized, one-on-one, loosely structured, in depth learning. My son learns best this way. Our school day is nowhere near as long as it would be in public school, but he seems to be well ahead of his peers in all subjects because he enjoys the process.
Having said that, I go out of my way to provide opportunities for social interaction, conflict and compromise with kids his age (not just other homeschoolers, but regular, public school kids). My sister’s child, on the other hand, thrives in a social, loud, chaotic environment; she loves to be the center of attention and the life of the party. She, I believe, is more suited to regular school. Parents know their kids best.
What should I teach him?
This issue nearly drove me nuts because there are SO many options for curriculums and class materials. I wanted a secular, classical education that I could use as a framework around which my son could learn to be curious, resourceful, creative, and capable. I put a lot of emphasis on the three R’s, figuring that if he has a strong foundation, he can learn anything he wants later. I also model for him my own passion for reading and my view of learning as a never-ending adventure. I don’t spend a lot of money on special books and materials, because most of what we need is available at the local library (or, on Ebay).
What about a diploma, and college?
My approach is, I’ll research our options when we get a little closer. Right now I’m focused on grades 1 through 4. Later I’ll have to decide if he would get more from a regular school with specialized teachers for math and science (his favorite subjects). If so, he’ll have time to do all the traditional stuff, including the SAT and a high school diploma. But right now, today, I don’t have to worry about that.
What is the biggest challenge?
My greatest challenge is self-doubt; but that’s just my nature. It is a little tough because I don’t have any valid comparisons to know how he is doing relative to other kids. Although we know three other second grade friends who are in three different public schools, we are basically apples to their oranges.
For instance, our curriculum is chronological, from the ancient times in first grade, through modern times (which includes the United States) in fourth grade. Theirs starts with local, current issues and skips around throughout history based on topics, rather than a timeline. It’s not fair to either child to compare him with the other.
What are the rewards?
There are so many rewards in terms of his development and interest in learning, as well as the benefits of a simple lifestyle (low-stress, sleep in late, stay in PJs, travel, spend time together). But also, home schooling has helped me view each day and each experience as a learning opportunity for both of us. I spend more time seeing the world through the eyes of a child: noticing the little things and finding the wonder in everything.
My greatest surprise as I have taken on the role of his academic tutor, is he has actually become my spiritual role model. The most basic example of this is how, without being aware of it, he teaches me to focus on what we are doing (to stay present in the moment).
When we start a new math worksheet, he scans the whole thing and asks about the last questions… the more complex and interesting part. I say, “We’re not there yet; focus on what we are doing right now.” He looks at the current problem and perhaps it reminds him of something he once did with building blocks. I say, “That’s right!” I congratulate him on associating our lesson to something he already knew, then I say, “now, let’s focus on what we are doing today, this page, this problem. Only this matters right now.” And then it hits me that the best way for me to get through life is in the same way. I’ve tried for so long to live in the moment and I’m finally learning how to do it.
Like most kids, my son lives in the present moment. He doesn’t worry about what was or what will be; he doesn’t plan far in advance and he doesn’t live with regrets or lasting sorrows. He lets painful memories slip away with ease, and focuses all his energy on his current interests. He needs very little to be happy, and makes the most of each day. He considers consequences and makes wise choices. He does what is right, even when he would rather do otherwise. He enjoys the company of others when they are around, and is perfectly content to be alone the rest of the time. I’ve heard it said that “when a student is ready, the master appears”; but I have to wonder… which of us is the student?
What does any of this have to do with YOU?
Maybe it’s not homeschooling, but there’s some other big decision you’ve been putting off out of fear of the unknown. I guess I’m saying, consider this your reminder to get out there, push the limits, try new things, and take some chances. You never know what wonders you’ll discover along the way.
Related posts:
- 15 Brilliant Thoughts About Unschooling (and My Own)
- 10 Parenting Tips for Guaranteed Success
- 5 Great Unplanned Homeschool Lessons
- Is Being “Gifted” Really a Good Thing?
- Every Child is Two Princes
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Another awesome post, Lisis!
I think it’s great that you’re homeschooling. My ex and I thought about it very seriously when Kyrie was first starting out. I have several nieces and nephews that are homeschooled, and they all seem to be doing great. I love the idea of being able to use the things in everyday life as teaching examples, and I love that the day can be shorter, and less structured. I think it’s a much more natural way to learn, and so learning is easier, and more fun.
In our case, though, we really needed to get Kyrie around some other kids. None of our friends had kids at that time, and we weren’t involved with any churches or other social-type organizations, and so we felt that Kyrie was missing out on a lot of opportunities to bond with other children. So, we felt like it would be best to send her to school, so that she could fill in that gap. Even so, we still did a lot of homeschooling, in that we always tried to relate her classwork and homework into things around us.
One thing is for sure: You can definitely teach him how to be a great writer!
Jay Schryer’s latest post… The First Swim of Summer
Lisis,
It sounds like home schooling has been a big benefit to both you and your son. The biggest concern I had you addressed:
“Having said that, I go out of my way to provide opportunities for social interaction, conflict and compromise with kids his age (not just other homeschoolers, but regular, public school kids).”
I don’t think all homeschooling parent do that, but socialization is very important.
Roger – A Content Life’s latest post… Raising Sane Children
Good for you for homeschooling. As long as he gets to spend time with kids his age, I think it’s a better way to learn. He has a great teacher!
David Cain’s latest post… Get Up, Stand Up
I think it is amazing how you have taken the time out to do something like this, I really don’t think I could do it personally. Sorry to hear about that awry surgery and I’m sure he’ll turn out just fine from your teaching
Cheers,
Glen
Glen Allsopp’s latest post… Personality Development: Be Who You Want to Be
Good morning, guys! Three of you touched on the ONE issue that always concerns people the most about homeschooling; in fact, it was the reason I knew almost certainly I would NOT do it. Hunter is an only child, who does not do any organized sports (whole surgery thing), and does not belong to a Church community (which is a BIG deal in Georgia). Church and sports are pretty much THE way that kids socialize here.
Thing is, even if he goes to a regular school, he still won’t have those two key pieces of the puzzle. You would not believe how badly kids will try to make him feel because he isn’t a rough and tough tackling man’s man, or because he isn’t “saved”. I really don’t mean to offend anyone with this… I’m just saying, he’s pretty much the outsider anyway. The beauty of homeschooling, though, is he doesn’t have to feel inferior because of it. They have their way, we have ours, both are right.
I’ve asked him repeatedly if he would LIKE to go to school to be around lots of kids, but he tells me he doesn’t want to spend 7 hours in class for 30 minutes of recess, which is when he can play with others. He’d rather just hang out with our neighbors in the afternoons, and go to playgrounds from time to time. I can’t say that I blame him. Seven hours of classes and standing in line to get from one class to another, is a pretty inefficient way to get 30 minutes of play time.
But if he does ever want to try it, I’ll definitely put him in and just supplement at home, like you did, Jay. If he went to a regular school, I’d be on this blogging thing CONSTANTLY.
Great post. When my wife and I tell people we home school the first question is always about socialization and I ask back what kind of socialization do you want your child to have? Home school children have an innocence that last much longer than their public/private school counterparts. I do not think this is a bad thing and I do not want my children socialized but a group of school age children.
We have four children that my wife has home schooled (or in the process of home schooling) – I am the math teacher – and we go through a Charter School in California. But if you watch a group of children that go to school (any school public or private) and a group of home school children you will see something interesting. The group that go to school tend to group by age and grade (because that is what they do at school) while home school children will stay together and interact. Why because home school groups are usually smaller and share resources, but also because in home schooling as with a family the older ones help out with younger ones in the group. That is what I call true socialization.
You bring up two great points, Michael. The system that I’m using (The Well Trained Mind) really enlightened me on the idea that teaching kids to socialize in groups of 30 or more kids their very same age has little or nothing to do with real life. When they get out of school and into the real world (work, marriage, hobbies, whatever) they have to interact with “peers” of all ages, varying cultural backgrounds, different interests, and staggered levels of achievement. They will learn from some, and teach others. The social strategy that works in school is not the same one they need when they finish.
The other thing is the quality of interaction. If you get real lucky you may find a school where the kids get plenty of time with their parents, the parents are involved in their school life, and the classes are small enough (and teachers caring enough) to encourage positive interactions among children. But more often than not, what you get is a ton of kids running around a playground who don’t get enough attention at home (that is just a reality of modern life, I’m afraid) and whose under-paid teachers are too overwhelmed with discipline cases to spend any time moulding characters and teaching values. As I mentioned on Roger’s blog yesterday, it becomes a bit like Lord of the Flies!
I really am not saying everyone should homeschool. As I stated in the post, it has to be right for the parent and child. But for those who choose regular school, it really pays to be closely involved; don’t just assume they are getting everything they need when you send them off to school. You will need to spend some time UNteaching many of the things they pick up from “peers”. I get plenty of opportunities for this with my son’s playmates.
Lisis, this is excellent, thanks so much. I have been reading around various homeschooling blogs, trying to decide if this was an option I should consider. My eldest is eligible for kindergarten next Fall, and she loves her preschool, but I have some worries regarding our current public school. In addition, we would love to move to our home in the desert southwest someday, but schools are a problem there, so if we did homeschooling is definitely something we feel we should consider, and that has been really giving me pause (especially with three!) You have raised so many of the points and concerns I had been thinking about.
Lisa (mommymystic)’s latest post… 2nd Chakra Series – Motherhood and Creating
Hey, Lisa! One of the main reasons I continue to homeschool is because of the freedom it affords me. We can travel whenever we want (not just during vacation times), and we can live ANYwhere with no concern for school districts. Plus, we have so much free time each day when compared to the hectic schedules of regular school activities. It seems intimidating, but it’s really quite simple (and enjoyable!)
I would advise you, and anyone else who is considering it, to give it a try. What’s the worst that could happen? You homeschool for a year, find you don’t like it, and put them back in the system. Even kids who are completely UNschooled (that’s an actual legal option) have gone on to college and normal lives. So, your odds of majorly screwing up their future by trying it out for a year are slim to none. My guess is… you will all LOVE the easy pace of homeschooling life.
Hi Lisis!
I found your article incredibly fascinating! Our kids are in college at this point–my husband home schooled two of his three children (before he met yours truly) and they joined their peers when they reached jr high. The girls are in their mid-twenties now and they tell me they really enjoyed being home schooled. They still remember many of the projects they learned from and treasure the experience.
Good for you for living “out of the box!” If I had chosen to have children, I’m sure I would’ve done the same.
Cheers!
Hey, Lori! Thanks for joining the conversation. I always love to hear from homeschool “survivors” and their parents. I know one thing, I wish I had been homeschooled. My son has got it made in the shade. Even if he ends up having to work a little harder later to have to catch up on a thing or two… who cares? He’s having a great time NOW. And so am I!!! Play now, work later… that’s my new philosophy.
=-)
Hi Lisis,
Thank you for a wonderful and inspiring post! The mystic poet Darshan Singh said that for learning to happen, a bridge must be built between the teacher and the student. How wonderful that traffic flows both ways across the bridge! I really appreciate the reminder to live in the present moment, and it’s true, our children are the best teachers of that particular virtue.
As a fellow homeschooler, I too struggle with doubt and constant re-evaluation, even though our oldest two are now in college. The re-evaluation I think is a good thing; the doubt probably comes with the territory, not just of homeschooling, but parenting in general. I’m sure whichever road we choose, we often pause to question ourselves, because the stakes are high and our little ones precious to us. I just try not to become paralyzed or fearful.
Over the years I became quite tired of the socialization question; even now I’m having difficulty mustering the enthusiasm to say that whether home, private, or publicly schooled, children are best socialized by: 1) socially adept individuals – generally meaning adults or older/more experienced youth; and 2) interactions with diverse people in real life situations, making the typical (stratified) “school” less than ideal.
What a beautiful and well written article about life, challanges and decision making. Moms and Dads always know what is best for their kids, as we know them best and love them the most. I am so glad I found you on Tiwtter. Keep the encouraging words flowing.
Tamma
http://www.questforbalance.com – da best. Keep it going!
@ Tamma: Thanks! I’m starting to really love twitter because it’s so easy to connect with others who share similar interests! I really like your website! Is it specific to CA? What a great resource!!
@ Acooba: Welcome back, hon! You bring up a really good point about constant re-evaluation in this process. I know I am planning to homeschool for the next few years. But after that, if his needs (or mine) change drastically… we can always consider alternatives. The main thing is to stay present in the phase we are currently in so that we can make the most of it.
I found you through a twitter retweet and I’m so glad I did. I’ll be homeschooling my 2nd grader next year and it’s completely overwhelming all the info out there. I, too, am following the Well Trained Mind/classical education in some areas, but still searching in others.
Thank you for putting things in perspective for me.
Kool Aid’s latest post… Cheyenne
OMG! I just saw your blog. I am so sorry about your beautiful dog, Cheyenne!
I use the Well Trained Mind as a guide, mostly… but I stray pretty far from their suggested methods. My favorite part of their system is the approach to History and those first four books: The Story of the World. I love it!! For Math I use Saxon and just skip lessons according to his pace. For Lit, we check stuff out of the library mostly. I’ve named my style “Zen Homeschool” because it’s all about simplicity. I like to keep it fun and easy for both of us.
Feel free to email me with any questions or concerns at any time. I really don’t mind. You can reach me at MyQuestForBalance (at) gmail (dot) com. You will do just fine no matter what you choose.
And again… I’m really sorry about Cheyenne.
Thanks for your thoughts on Cheyenne. She was a good girl.
I’m looking at SOTW, too, but will be using Christian Light’s Math and Language Arts. It’s not really secular, I know, but it’s challenging work. I found a cool site the other day that has short online quizzes for books just to check comprehension. The children earn points that can get them free stuff. I don’t have it bookmarked on this computer, though, but I found it on the WTM forum.
Thanks again for your input. I’ll definitely be around…
Kool Aid’s latest post… The Dead, parking lot scene part deux
[...] me. I didn’t really plan it that way, but I ended up writing about the danger of labels, my decision to homeschool, and different parenting strategies. I suppose this all makes sense, considering last Friday I was [...]
I really love this… I am linking to it in my “Monday Minute” post today (with credit to you, of course!).
Amy @ Amy Loves It!’s latest post… The Homeschooler’s Wish List
I’m glad you liked it, and I hope it helps. Sometimes it helps just knowing that others have gone through the same set of questions (and survived)!
[...] is a great article on homeschooling by Lisis from Quest For Balance: Challenges: Homeschooling and Other Big Decisions | Quest for Balance I’ve actually changed my tune about homeschooling. I used to think that a child couldn’t possibly [...]
[...] school; I didn’t even think I was qualified to do it. But then I had to when we decided to homeschool Hunter; it became my reality. So, I threw myself into it and became passionate about doing it well. Now [...]
You made a great decision, we homeschool our 3 sons as well and have not looked back …it was a hard decision to make, dealing with all the well-intentioned questions and concerns of others. now, we couldn’t imagine sending them back to school, watching them thrive and LIKE learning…
Congrats!
Tom
Tom´s last blog ..Gratitude = Wealth
Hi, Tom! I know what you mean. It would be SO hard for me to send him to school now that I’ve seen “the other side”. Sometimes I worry that I might need to get a day job at some point, and he would have to go to school. But we are committed to doing everything we can to avoid that outcome. It’s kind of sad but, in my mind, regular school is basically just daycare for big kids while parents are at work. Homeschool is such a fun and exciting learning environment for all of us!
Thanks for your comment!
[...] A great post from a fellow homeschoolin’ mom… (thanks, Lisis) [...]
Thanks for structuring your thoughts so well! I am homeschooling my 2 kids and sometimes entertained thoughts of giving up – especially when the kids are at their tantrums when i am teaching. I guess if i view each day as another learning opportunity for myself too (as what you did), my perspective may change. For me, my greatest reward till date is when my younger child – now at 2, recite her phonics and managed to pronounce several words to my surprise. I am sure many homeschooling parent will have many more stories to tell to. And its such a joy and encouragement to have read yours.
thanks
Judy
homeschooler´s last blog ..Dec 18, How to teach music to my homeschool kid?
Thanks, Judy! I think what has surprised me the most about this homeschooling adventure is that, no matter how carefully I plan my lessons, and no matter how I envision to the learning process will unfold, it always seems to happen when I’m not paying attention. He has so much free time to explore his interests, that he ends up teaching himself all sorts of things I hadn’t even thought of!
The fact is, like grownups, kids find it easier to learn things when they are focused around their interests, and when they have the freedom to develop their creativity. All I can say is, there’s really nothing else like it. I wish I had been homeschooled when I was a kid!
Lisis,
I feel a warmth in my heart every time i see a pic of your son… (Maybe its because the name of my son is “kabamba” which in a local language means “Hunter”
If God blesses me with another child, my wife and i plan to name him/her “Kalunga”…which in a local language means “Hunter”!
My family name is “Kabamba”…. and it means “Hunter”! I like to say….”its better to be the HUNTER than the HUNTED”
Anyway… thanks for the inspiration…. and talking about learning fron our kids, i remember reading an article by Steve Pavlina… i think. It talked about Parenting. In it, he says something very profound…”I used to think that parenting was the act of raising children…but i now wonder who is raising who”
Our kids can “raise” us just as much. Thank you.
Christopher´s last blog ..2010 – Its Ok to Intend Something
Aww… Christopher, I’m so thrilled that we share the “Hunter” bond. It’s definitely better to be the hunter than the hunted!
I love that Steve Pavlina quote (I hadn’t seen it before). I find that so many parents practice the “Do as I say, not as I do,” or “Do this because I said so,” simply because they feel they are the boss of their kids. But really, we are in this journey together. They are fellow travelers for a while, and should be treated with respect. There is so much we can learn from each other, if only we are open to it.
Thanks for this beautiful comment, and for getting me thinking about this subject again.
[...] Homeschooling and Other Big Decisions [...]
I randomly found you on the WSL blog and I assumed you’d be another fitness blog (although the WSL is so much more) Instead, I found another homeschooling mom like myself. I so can relate to much of what you said in this post. We too loosely follow WTM. Since this is our first year we are studying the ancients.
I, too, never thought I’d be homeschooling. In fact, before my son was born I joked I’d probably send him off to a boarding school when he was five. Before we started homeschooling I got this image of our family hanging on the side of a boat. Below us was a beautiful coral reef full of wonders and excitement but I didn’t want to let go of the boat out of fear. The more I thought about it the more I felt like we were being asked to let go and dive deep. So we did. It’s certainly has been a journey in the short time we done it and often I just want to tread water but I’m hoping we will continue to dive deeper and explore as time goes on. Currently we are paying off debt in preparation to buy and move into an RV. We want to travel the country for a year or so.
Anyway glad to have come across your blog!
jenn´s last blog ..Short, Sweet, and Sweaty: Turkish Get-Ups & Tabata Squats
Hey, Jenn! I’ll have to be sure and thank Josh for sending you my way. I always look forward to hooking up with other homeschoolers. By the way, that first year of History was my favorite… the ancient stories are the coolest. Now we are in third grade, and the stuff definitely gets less exciting. Kinda hard to compete with Pharaohs, mummies, Mt. Olympus, The Odyssey, and the Roman Empire, huh?
I think it’s awesome that you guys are planning to road school. Have you heard of the Family on Bikes? Mom, dad, and two sons are riding bikes from Alaska to Argentina (they’ve already crossed the equator!). Every experience can be an awesome learning opportunity, I think.
Thanks for letting me know you’re here!