10 Parenting Tips for Guaranteed Success
April 30, 2009
“Always kiss your children goodnight – even if they’re already asleep.” (Jackson Brown, Jr.)
I originally published this post with no intro, because I was curious to see if anyone would notice that the tips completely contradict each other. Some of you did, others… I’m not so sure. : ) The reason it’s not immediately apparent is because all of them are true, at least in part. I have heard completely valid explanations from parents as to why each of these is the only right way to properly raise children. It seems to me, if they are all valid, then the answer lies somewhere in the middle. What do you think?
1. Make sure your kids do chores
 It is important for our children to learn to be self-sufficient and responsible. We don’t want our kids to grow up to be totally dependent on others, or lazy and useless. Kids need to know what is expected of them and what the consequences will be if they fail to take care of their responsibilities.
2. Let them enjoy childhood
 The only time in our lives when we have the luxury of total freedom from responsibility is when we are kids. As grownups we all have chores, jobs, duties, and endless to do lists. Whenever possible, we shouldn’t impose these grownup tasks on our children under the pretext that they need to learn how to do them. It doesn’t take long to learn how to make a bed, do the dishes, or sort the laundry. For now, just let them have a good time.
3. Give kids an allowance
 It is important for kids to learn to save and budget their money. Having a set amount the kids get each week encourages them to plan ahead and doesn’t cater to their need for instant gratification. Allowances teach kids about money and patience.
4. Make them earn every penny
 If money is simply given to kids each week, they will fail to understand how hard it is to come by. Instead, treat your child like a contractor: hire him for a specific job and negotiate the terms. Harder jobs earn higher pay. Another option is for them to sell some of their older toys on ebay, which teaches them about internet commerce, taxes and shipping costs.
5. Let them resolve their own conflicts
 When kids play together they will always have issues and disagreements. It is best to let them work it out amongst themselves. They don’t need us hovering and interfering in their social affairs, they need to feel independent.
6. Show them constructive ways to compromise
 Disagreements between kids are wonderful opportunities to teach them how to effectively communicate and negotiate win-win scenarios. If we don’t step in, the conflicts just escalate until someone gets physically or emotionally hurt. When we explain and model for them more effective strategies, they can learn to apply those later in life with co-workers, spouses, friends, and their own kids.
7. Hide their veggies in their favorite foods
 Kids today don’t get enough of all the nutrients they need. We have to find creative ways to get those nutrients into them, while picking our battles carefully. Nobody likes the dinner time arguments over just how much broccoli needs to be consumed before the child can leave the table. There are countless wonderful cookbooks that show you tips and tricks to puree the veggies and mix them into their favorite foods. No more battles!!
8. Teach them about nutrition by example
 It’s not exactly fair to force our kids to eat healthy when they see us eating junk all the time. “Do as I say, not as I do” is not the most effective strategy with kids. “Monkey see, monkey do” is more like it. If you eat delicious AND nutritious foods, and they see you enjoying them, the kids will eventually want to try them. Hiding nutrients in brownies makes no sense because the kids won’t learn for themselves what they should and should not be eating. Is that really the message we want to send? “Make sure you finish all of your pizza and brownies so you can grow healthy and strong!”
9. Let them self-soothe and learn independence
 Babies should be allowed to fall asleep in their cribs alone, and kids need to sleep in their own beds. If they cry, let them… so they can learn to comfort themselves. Our role as parents is to help our kids become capable, independent adults. We should not spoil them with kindness and make them think the world is at their beck and call.
10. Be their ONE soft place to fall
 Throughout their lives, they will get a fair dose of mean people, rejections, and difficult situations. As a parent, you can be their one, constant source of love and comfort. No matter what is going on, they will always know that YOU are there for them, even if the rest of the world isn’t. When little ones cry, comfort them. If they want to be held, snuggle them. If they want to sleep near you, stay in their room while they fall asleep (great time to read). If they say they need you in any way, BE THERE… because you can, and only YOU will.
“Children need love, especially when they ‘do not deserve’ it.” (Harold Hulbert)
Clearly, there is no one perfect way; kids don’t exist in a vacuum. What works for one family may not work for another. Avoid extremes… find a healthy balance. Respect others for making the best choices they can make.
Do you ever catch yourself judging the way others are raising their children? Do you wish others would just butt out and let you be the kind of parent YOU want to be?
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Lisis,
Useful post!
“7. Hide their veggies in their favorite foods.” We had this problem with both our children – they didn’t want to eat vegetables. The odd thing is that now our eldest son is a vegetarian – go figure.
As you said, I think eating by example also helps.
You son is lucky to have you as a parent.
Roger – A Content Life’s latest post… Raising Sane Children
I love it! A perfect exercise in contradictions! What better way to teach them about life than to show them that people are full of contradictions?!
But seriously, this is a good reminder that no “one” way works best for everyone, all the time. There’s a time to be a hardcase, and a time to be soft hearted. A time to enforce the rules, and a time to brea…er…bend them. A time for discipline, and a time for freedom. A time for…Ok, if I don’t stop here, I’ll start quoting songs….:)
Jay Schryer’s latest post… The First Swim of Summer
Hi, guys! Yeah, it’s always amazed me how some parents will argue until they are blue in the face about how kids should be raised (their way). If you’ve ever seen the show Wife Swap then you have witnessed clear examples of how opposite parental extremes usually benefit from meeting somewhere in the middle. You know me, though, I think extremes should be avoided in general.
My favorite part here is the final quote: “Children need love, especially when they ‘do not deserve’ it.†(Harold Hulbert) Awww… makes me want to cry thinking of all the little ones trying desperately to get attention, even if it’s negative attention.
I don’t have children, though my brother has 6, but I can imagine what a tremendous responsibility parenting must be. Your list had many excellent points especially in regards to teaching your children. One thing you didn’t mention that I feel is important is manners / appropriate behavior.
My husband and I spend a great deal of time at the local bookstore and it amazes me when I see someone come into the cafe with their kids and they allow them to run and scream or roller skate in the cafe. Remember, this is a bookstore where most of the people are reading. Though this is the exception, it does happen.
It reflects poorly on the parents who aren’t taking the time to teach their children about appropriate behavior. Children should enjoy their childhood to the fullest but there is an appropriate time and place for everything.
Loving your children and teaching your children are the best things you can do for them.
Debra Wier | The Metamorphosis Cafe’s latest post… Experience Joy Through The Eyes Of A Child
Hi, Debra! I’m so glad you left a comment so that I could find your blog! What a beautiful site!! And I love the photo you have on the current post… I can’t wait to read through it and get familiar with your blog. Thanks!
I completely agree with what you mentioned about behavior. I was commenting on Roger’s blog recently about how horrified I am when I go to playgrounds these days. Parents just “dump” the kids and go off to talk or walk or whatever. Meanwhile these little terrors are bullying everyone without any consequences because they know no one is going to stop them! I’m not saying it’s the kids fault at all, or that they are bad kids. But I do think it would help tremendously if the parents stayed more involved and were more aware of how the kids behave when they think no one is watching.
Again, thanks for your comment and for bringing your wonderful blog to my attention!
Hi Lisis,
I do not have kids and I do not want any. So I have great admiration for mothers. That is a tough job and actually, I have a post coming out next week about that very topic. I hope you will add your voice to the discussion when it is published.
Anywyay, even though I do not have kids, I have been one and one of the greatest things my dad did when I was a kid was to teach me about money. When I was 12, my dad told me that he would provide for all my basic needs but if there was anything I wanted that exceeded parental obligation (his exact words), I would have to pay for it myself.
So I got my first job when I was 12. I ended up working for my dad and it was a great teacher. I went to school with kids whose parents paid for everything. I used to be upest that my parents did not buy me a car but they gave me more. My dad’s favorite quote is that the best way to help someone is not to give them fish but to teach them how to fish.
Apologies on the long comment…your post just brought up some wonderful childhood memories!
Nadia-HappyLotus’s latest post… Break Free & Live
Aw… I love being a part of your childhood memories (especially if they are GOOD ones!) Your first sentence reminds me of what Oprah always says, that motherhood is the hardest job in the world and she doesn’t think she can do it. Can you imagine ANYthing that Oprah can’t do!
I do think teaching kids the value of money is a must, particularly that they realize you have to DO something to get the money… so you should really think about how you want to spend it. It sounds like we have your dad to thank for your amazing work ethic!
9. Let them self-soothe and learn independence. Babies should be allowed to fall asleep in their cribs alone, and kids need to sleep in their own beds.
So…It’s bad that my 4-year-old daughter still sleeps with me?
Guess i’m guarnteed to FAIL!
Not at all… #10 is the exact opposite (and more in line with my approach). My point here is that any one of these strategies can work fine, if it is the right strategy for you.
6. Show them constructive ways to compromise. I always step in when my kids fight. I need to show them how to work it out themselves. How to compromise. That will help them in the future. Thanks for posting this. Very helpful and Informative.
http://emmyrosa.blogspot.com/
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http://amor-pink.livejournal.com/
Emmy’s latest post… null
Absolutely – there are no “rules” to being a good parent. Nice post, thank you.
A.’s latest post… …what are you scared of?
You’re welcome A… and Emmy. Thanks for commenting.
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