Fellowship Fridays: Parenting Challenges & Rewards
May 1, 2009
This week has turned out to be all about parenting for me. I didn’t really plan it that way, but I ended up writing about the danger of labels, my decision to homeschool, and different parenting strategies. I suppose this all makes sense, considering last Friday I was struggling with finding a balance between the things I want to do as a person and those I need (and want) to do as a mom. I’m still working on that… I probably always will be.
I noticed something a couple of days ago that made me kind of sad: when my son talks to me now, he speaks faster than he used to.
You may be thinking, “You are just imagining things,” or “What difference does it make?” But see, when you spend as much time with someone as I do with Hunter, little things mean a lot. I know that the reason he is talking faster is because I am busier than I used to be (now that I have this blogging project that I adore.) So he feels as though he is interrupting me, and as if the time I have for him is limited… “Hurry up! Get to the point. I’m busy here!” I don’t really say these things, but I’m sure my body language is conveying something along those lines.
But I don’t want him to feel like an intrusion in my day. So, I took the afternoon off from everything. We went to the library, the playground, and the pizza place… just the two of us. No electronics, no distractions, no other projects, no chores, no time limits. I didn’t know for certain that the world would not come to an end when I turned off my PC, but it was a chance I was going to have to take. And guess what? It didn’t.
I’m not sure who originally said this, but it’s true: “Kids spell love T-I-M-E.” As much time as I spend with him, he knows when I am fully present and interested in him, as opposed to just in the same room with him but thinking about something else. There is nothing I could give him or say to him that would mean as much as me spending quality time with him.
Today’s Fellowship Fridays posts are all about parenting, because I’m guessing we all could use a little help in this area.
1. Raising Sane Children, by Roger, at A Content Life
2. Mystic Parenting, by Lisa, at Mommy Mystic
3. Gender Stereotypes, by Ree, at Confessions of a Pioneer Woman
4. Moments In Time, by Alice, at Living the Rural Dream
5. Dear Daughter, by Jay, at Porsidan
What are some of your biggest struggles when it comes to parenting?
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Posted in family, Fellowship Fridays, love
content rss
This is a beautiful post, Lisis! I’m so glad the two of you got to spend the afternoon together. I’m sure he’ll treasure those memories.
Thank you for including me in the link-love! Kyrie will be here at the end of this month…I can’t wait!
Jay Schryer’s latest post… One Year of Love
You are very perceptive. I hear a lot of stories about parents who are working all the time and their kids barely see them, for years. Real quality time is something some kids don’t get very much of. Good for you Lisis. And happy Fellowship Friday.
David Cain’s latest post… Asking Google is Asking Humanity
Lisis,
Thanks for the link!
I’m really impressed that you were observant and mindful enough to detect Hunter’s change in speech! Not many parent would catch that. I doubt that I would. Hunter is fortunate to have you as a parent.
Roger – A Content Life’s latest post… Your Mindful Eating Mission
Thanks, you guys! Happy Fellowship Fridays, indeed. Jay, I’m so happy that you will get to see Kyrie soon; I know that is HUGE deal.
@ David: The flip side of that is parents who work from home, or stay home, so they just figure they spend enough time with their kids because they are all under the same roof. But there’s a big difference between QUALITY time and physical presence. I believe it is possible to be a working parent, even outside of the home, and still have quality time with your kids if you make an effort. But parents who stay home ALSO need to make that effort. Sounds a little weird, but I’m learning that it’s true.
@ Roger: I am definitely observant, if nothing else… I still remember when he was a tiny baby and I noticed one morning that he had eyebrows! When I put him to bed the night before he didn’t and I was struck by the impression that he was growing before my very eyes… like a time-lapse video! I don’t know how much time we have together because, well, life works in mysterious ways; and I don’t want to miss a single thing.
Thanks so much for the mention, I liked your last post too and was going to comment, but got a little swept away this week. This line “I don’t want him to feel like an intrusion in my day” stuck a little dagger in my heart, as I think it would most parents, because we all fall into this sometimes. So here’s to a nice family weekend…
Lisa (mommymystic)’s latest post… 2nd Chakra Series – 21 Ways to Care for Your Sacral Chakra
I know it, Lisa… that line haunts me now. But it’s in a good way, I think, because it keeps remining me to stay present and appreciate every moment I have with him. I’ll second your toast: To a nice family weekend!!! =-)
I don’t have any children (or see any children very often) so I don’t much relate to parenting advice. However, I really LOVE this quote: “Kids spell love T-I-M-E.†I think a lot of people spell love that way and I think it’s a great way for it to be spelled. Love isn’t about gifts or words or Valentine’s Day. Love is about time and about action. I was thinking about this recently in fact…My sister had asked me to make her something for her birthday and I knew she really wanted that above any material thing, but lately I’ve been super busy with work, which means blogging/writing gets moved to after work (yes, I’ve been spoiled with having had a lot of time to do it at work), and therefore I’ve had a lot less time to myself. At one point, I thought to myself, “I think I’ll just buy her something instead. She doesn’t really care that much.” But that wouldn’t have been right. It would have been substituting a thing for the time spend making her something. I don’t know all that much about parenting but I do have this to add: buying things is not the same as spending time with your kids.
Haha, I just re-read that and realized it was quite the little ramble that really didn’t have anything to do with the post… Hope you get something out of it anyway!
Positively Present’s latest post… love your sibling, love yourself
You know, as I was reading your comment I was thinking to myself, “I think this is what today’s post was missing since a lot of my readers don’t have kids.” At the end you said it didn’t have anything to do with it, but it really did… you completed my thought. The thought is, even if you don’t have kids, you most likely have OTHERS in your life who care for you and want to spend quality time with you. Don’t get so caught up in your own life that you are neglecting the little things they need (and deserve) from you.
In other words, spending time is not the same as spending QUALITY time. Figure out what THEY want from you and try to provide that. So… I hope you made something for your sis.
Good for you for realizing what was happening with Hunter. Even as an adult, I was just complaining to my dad that I wanted to spend more time talking to him than doing things. If I had told him that years ago, he would not have understood but after losing my mom, he has been more aware of the importance of time.
I think all relationships require quality time. A marriage needs that in order to stay connected and with kids, it is even more necessary.
You have a lot of love to give, Lisis, so I have not doubt that you will give Hunter what he needs and yet pursue your goals.
Nadia-HappyLotus’s latest post… Defending Your Life
Hi, there… my Happy Lotus! I’m glad you brought up marriage because it is so easy to take our spouses for granted. Particularly if we have a job or kids (stuff that cannot be ignored for long) we end up putting spouses further down on the priority list. They definitely need QT too… which is how I ended up roasting marshmallows in the woods!
I’m so glad you and your daddy are getting to have some bonding time. I remember when my mom first died, my siblings and I barely knew my dad (he was working, she was home with us). In the years after the accident we grew to really know and love him and finally had really strong bonds with him. Time is a precious, precious thing.
I liked! So clear and positive.
Thank you
Robor
Lisis, I wanted to say something profound and couldn’t think of anything. So I’ll just tell you I love the picture of you guys in the tree!
Stephen – Rat Race Trap’s latest post… Freedom From Compromise and Control
Stephen, sometimes profound is overrated. What could be better than a mommy-son tree-climbing photo.
Nice to see you here.