Why Your Shrink Doesn’t Have the Answers

May 7, 2009

Psychiatrists and Psychologists have their place in this world. Talking to one of them is certainly a good thing, when you have no one else to talk to. Also, if your condition requires medications, you should be under their care. But if you are hoping your shrink will find the answers to your life questions, you may be barking up the wrong tree.

I don’t mean that the answers are within you (although they probably are). Or, that only you can find those answers (although most likely only you can). What I mean is, their approach to finding the answers is fundamentally flawed. I always had a sense of this but never realized why it was until I read The Art of Happiness.

We often say The Art of Happiness was written by the Dalai Lama… but it wasn’t. The book was actually put together by Howard C. Cutler, M.D. in collaboration with the Dalai Lama, in order to convey the Dalai Lama’s teachings in terms non-Buddhists could relate to and apply to their own lives. What we end up with is the wisdom of the Dalai Lama combined with the mental health expertise of a prestigious psychiatrist.

In the Introduction, Dr. Cutler tells the Dalai Lama about one of his patients who, “persisted in self-destructive behaviors despite the tremendous negative impact on her life.” He asks if the Dalai Lama has any explanation for this behavior, and the answer he gets is, “I don’t know.”

Essentially, the Dalai Lama’s belief is that there are too many variables to account for everything that goes on in every human mind. ”I think that it would be extremely difficult to try and figure out how the minds of five billion people work,” he said.

The Dalai Lama then shares an experience he once had when meeting with doctors to discuss how the brain works.  The doctors were of the opinion that, “thoughts and feelings were the result of different chemical reactions and changes in the brain.” The Dalai Lama asked if it was possible that the reverse was true (thoughts give rise to chemical events). The answer he received was, “We start from the PREMISE that all thoughts are products or functions of chemical reactions in the brain.”

Hmm…

This concept was extremely interesting to the Dalai Lama… the setting of initial premises and parameters within which they look for answers. One of these parameters in Western psychology is that everything must be accounted for within one lifetime. Therefore, anything that isn’t understood is attributed to the unconscious. The Dalai Lama described it like this:

“It’s a bit like you’ve lost something and you decide that the object is in THIS room. And once you have decided this, then you’ve already fixed your parameters; you’ve precluded the possibility of its being outside the room or in another room. So you keep on searching and searching, but you are not finding it, yet you continue to assume that it is still hidden somewhere in the room!”

Priceless.

That one passage changed my life. 

I may never have all the answers, and there is certainly no mental health professional that has MY answers. How could they? They don’t know ALL of my infinite variables, and the ones they DO know are being considered through their pre-set parameters. So really, “finding the answers” is just an illusion I’ve been wasting a lot of time on. What was and what will be are beyond my control, or even my ability to comprehend. Only this moment is my reality.

The Dalai Lama believes that “the very purpose of our lives is to seek happiness.” All of us, no matter where we come from, what we have been through, or what we believe, want our life to be better; we want to suffer less. His message is one of hope… that lasting happiness can, indeed be attained. Why is he so certain? Because of his fundamental beliefs:

1. All human beings are essentially gentle and good.
2. There is great value in compassion.
3. The best guiding policy is kindness.
4. There is a sense of commonality among all living creatures.

Maybe these beliefs are just his version of premises and parameters. But if that is the case, then I would rather assume HIS premises to be true, because his results speak volumes. When Dr. Cutler asked him, “Are you happy?” The answer from this man who has experienced and witnessed such incredible suffering for so long was, “Yes… definitely.”

So I say: give it a shot. Try applying these beliefs to YOUR life. Understand them. Assimilate them. Believe them.  Apply them. Share them. Then, when you’ve really done this, if your life has not improved significantly, come back and tell me about it. I won’t expect to hear from you, since it did work for me… definitely.

Are YOU happy?

As you may have noticed, I turned off the comments for this post. If there is something you would like to share with me (and only me) you can contact me directly at:

MyQuestForBalance (at) gmail (dot) com.

Or, if you prefer, you can tweet me @Serene_Balance.

Thanks!

(Photo Credit)

Related posts:

1. Seth Godin Answers My Five Burning Questions
2. Fellowship Fridays: Finding Happiness
3. Inspiration from the Dalai Lama: The Art of Happiness
4. Inspiration from Albert Einstein: A Human Being
5. Book Review: Female Brain Gone Insane

Posted in happiness, inner peace, mental health