Every Child is Two Princes
May 26, 2009
Like most parents, I would like to believe that my son is a living example of The Little Prince. In many ways he is. But what I have come to realize through careful observation is that he is also a Machiavellian Prince at times. In fact, I believe every child has both princes within him. If parents believe their child is only one or the other, I don’t think they’ve been paying close enough attention. Following are three ways in which kids resemble each prince:
1. They are teachers. “Grown-ups never understand anything by themselves, and it is tiresome for children to have to explain things to them always and forever.”
Kids seem to just know what matters; they get it. They haven’t gotten off track yet, chasing crazy ambitions that lead to dead ends. They just enjoy life, and try to get us to do the same.
2. They value simplicity. “I am very fond of sunsets. Come, let us go look at a sunset…”
Have you ever met a child that wasn’t easily fascinated by the simplest things? An ant crossing a sidewalk can provide all the entertainment a child needs. Sprinklers in the yard, kittens at play, a red balloon… kids know how to appreciate all of these and more. They aren’t distracted by the evils and ugliness of the world. They find something to enjoy and focus their attention on it.
3. Their hearts are made of gold. “Here is my secret. It is very simple: It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.”
Grown-ups worry about a scratch in the car paint, a hand print on the wall, a messy room, a beautiful house, and all sorts of things they see. Kids know that none of those things really matter. What matters is what we feel, and how we make others feel. Our hearts always know what is true and what is worth pursuing.
1. Kids are selfish. “A prince never lacks legitimate reasons to break his promise.”
Have you ever watched kids play? One of them says he promises he will give the toy right back as soon as he looks at the bottom of it. The gullible friend hands it over, and the kid runs off with the toy. Kids promise they won’t go past that certain streetlight, but then come up with some earth-shattering reason why they just HAD to go two steps past it in order to retrieve some indispensable item. They know what they want, and they will find a way to get it.
2. They are master manipulators. “Every one admits how praiseworthy it is in a prince to keep faith, and to live with integrity and not with craft. Nevertheless our experience has been that those princes who have done great things have held good faith of little account, and have known how to circumvent the intellect of men by craft, and in the end have overcome those who have relied on their word.”
We teach our kids to always be honest and do the right thing. But it doesn’t take them long to figure out that other kids are getting their way by manipulating adults through fear, guilt, and pity. Kids learn how to get their way with each adult in their lives.
3. Sometimes, they are downright mean. “You must know there are two ways of contesting, the one by the law, the other by force; the first method is proper to men, the second to beasts; but because the first is frequently not sufficient, it is necessary to have recourse to the second.”
Even when they know right from wrong, and they understand that they should use their words to communicate their needs, kids will often resort to being mean to others to get what they want. They feel perfectly justified, because it was the only way to accomplish their goal after asking politely didn’t produce the desired result.
I would love to be able to tell you that my son is always the perfect little model citizen. I’d love to say that because of all my great parenting, and him being a homeschooled only child, and his superior genetic code, my child is the picture of perfection all the time. He’s a good kid, to be sure… but I have seen his Machiavellian side. I’m not real proud of it, but it made me realize it is in ALL of us. Every one of us has these two sides present at all times.
What to do about it?
In response to this question, I’d like to share with you a story that I once heard:
One evening and old Cherokee Indian told his grandson about a “battle” that goes on inside people. He said, “My son, the battle is between two “wolves” inside us all. One is Evil. It is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather, “Which wolf wins?”
The Old Cherokee simply replied: “The one you feed.”
Which wolf are you going to feed? Which Prince will you choose to rule your life?
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