Are You Really as Unfortunate as You Feel?

June 2, 2009

“I cried because I had no shoes, until I met a man with no feet.” –Unknown

I know many of us are feeling a bit trapped these days, particularly because of the economy. Maybe we are trapped in a job we hate, a house we can’t sell, a relationship we can’t afford to leave, or a state of mind we can’t seem to snap out of. Feeling like this can drain every last bit of happiness from us, until we can no longer see or appreciate the good things in our lives.

One thing that has helped me deal with those moments of frustration and hopelessness is to shift my perspective. If I compare my life to my ideal dream life, or to someone else’s seemingly perfect life, obviously I will feel short-changed and disappointed. But what if I chose a different point of comparison? What if I look to others who are also suffering, instead?

When we were in the hospital for my son’s surgery, I remember feeling jealous of the other families that got to check out and go home, while we were still there waiting for Hunter to wake up and recover. After his surgery we expected him to sleep a few hours, but he slept all the way until the next day. I was starting to worry… panic, in fact, that something had gone wrong. I felt like the most UNlucky mom in the world. But then circumstances changed my perspective.

This was my journal entry from late that night:

Hunter, I want to tell you something that happened this night in the hospital. You were moved from the first room you were in because you were recovering well and another baby (one or two years old) needed the bigger room. The baby had heart surgery, and it didn’t go well.

The full staff of nurses and several doctors worked around the clock; they even took the baby back for a second surgery. Around 2 a.m. I got the feeling that the baby was not going to make it. At 3 a.m. YOUR breathing slowed into the most peaceful sleep, and I panicked! I jumped up, squeezed your hand, and started talking to you. Almost immediately, your breathing got back up to normal.

Within moments of that, the nurses came around and closed all the curtains; the baby had passed away… they were giving the family some privacy. I kind of wonder if you felt that the baby was finally at peace? I’ll never know. What I DO know is we spent the night worried about you, but watching you recover from a successful surgery. That family spent the same night worrying about their baby, but their night got progressively worse. Now they know their baby will never go home with them again.

When the nurse came in to give you your “Get Well” quilt and pillow, I could hear the mom, dad, aunt, uncle, and grandma crying the most painful cry I have ever heard, or could possibly imagine. The doctors and nurses who spent all day working so hard to save the baby could only stand by and watch the family mourn. What could anyone say to make any of this better?

I cannot imagine what it would be like to be any of those people that I watched all night. I only know that I feel incredibly blessed to get to watch you recover, and take you home.

Be mindful of what point of comparison you are using to determine whether you feel fortunate or unfortunate. If you can acknowledge that your personal burden is nowhere near as bad as it could be, then perhaps you can take a moment to truly appreciate and enjoy the good things in your life… I am certain there are many.

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Posted in choices, compassion, inner peace, Overcoming Challenges