Road to Freedom Update #3: Facing Uncertainty
September 2, 2009
It’s been a couple of weeks since my last Road to Freedom Update, so I figure we’re due for another one. I can’t say that too much has changed as a result of Jeff (my husband) quitting his job (our only income), because we’ve been in vacation mode since the first week of August. Now we’re home, back to real life… sort of.
However, there are three things I would like to mention:
1. Mortgage Status
- We ended up paying for August and September. After my conversation with the bank, I had the distinct impression that I should miss my payment since a) we have no job, and b) the bank can’t help us until we are behind on payments.
Then one of my readers commented that I could be sued if the bank considers that I was “able to pay” but chose not to. This begs the question, Who determines if I am “able to pay”? But I decided it wasn’t worth the stress of potential litigation while we were on our road trip, so I paid for August.
As it turns out, there’s some truth to what he was saying and I really need to look into it further… so I just paid September, too. Maybe it’s for the best. Maybe the house will sell soon and we won’t be behind on payments or have to be foreclosed on, which would spare our credit.
Or, maybe we’ll just go broke that much faster so we won’t be “able to pay” and they will be stuck with our house fair and square. Who knows? But the mortgage is current at this point… we haven’t skipped a payment.
2. Confusing Signs
- I believe the Universe works in mysterious ways, that there is a reason for everything, and that “signs” are everywhere to show us the way. But lately these signs have seemed “Curiouser and curiouser,” to borrow a phrase from Alice in Wonderland. I see signs everywhere but I have no idea what they mean, or if they are even intended for me. Maybe I’m stumbling across someone else’s cosmic signs!
It feels a bit like a giant connect-the-dots, where I’ve connected numbers 1 through 5, out of a possible 1000. I don’t know what the finished picture is supposed to look like. I am certain that when I look back at it later, it will all make sense; but right now my signs seem to be in a foreign language.
To be perfectly honest, it’s a little frustrating.
3. To Plan, or Not to Plan?
- Several friends and family members are concerned about us because we don’t have a plan… we’re hoping to “find our way” to the next phase of our life. Jeff and I have been married ten years (tomorrow!) and have always planned our next steps. Most often, things did not turn out “as planned”.
Nadia usually reminds me that, if I want to make God laugh, I should tell him my plans. There’s really not much difference between having NO plan and having a plan that may or may not work out… is there? The only difference is the (possibly false) sense of security that comes with having a plan.
The level of uncertainty we are experiencing is not for the faint of heart, and would likely test even the strongest of marriages. We’ve had our moments of doubt, fear, worry, anxiety… call it whatever you like. But most of the time our Faith is strong and we know this will work out for the best.
Bottom Line: If we had this decision to make over again, would we do it? 100% YES.
What about YOU?
How do you handle uncertainty? Do you feel it’s better to have a plan (that may or may not work out), or simply wait and see what happens?
Thanks!!
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Dearest Lisis,
..even if its a small party just between the three of you…do it. These are the days we will remember when we get old and show our grandkids. It will also take your mind off the frustrating stress youre going through.
I think if you have cosmic signs all around you….just see the good signs and omit the bad ones. That way all the good luck can be yours for the taking
But on a more serious note, You are very brave to go through this with a good attitude. I think your biggest plan should be to be positive and keep the faith. All the rest will surely fall into place. And these situations do take its toll on relationships, it normal. Your relationships get stronger with these ups and downs, so dont worry!
Ohh Happy Anniversary in advance! Make sure you celebrate..love deserves celebrating anytime anywhere..
As for the plan…i have never worked with a plan…nor has my hubby. We both are kind of go with the flow kind of people. And it has worked out for us beautifully. Ofcourse there have been ups and downs, but we always have each other….in our worst of situations when we were out of income when my little one was born…and my hubby would get worried, i would tell him “as long as we are together i can stay even in a hut” he would just smile. But i know, all that really mattered was that we were together. A strong front will remain unphased in the eye of the storm.
I think i have rambled enough for today…;)
Lots of love and hugs to you. And sweetie Keep the Faith. You are in my prayers always.
.-= Zeenat{Positive Provocations}´s last blog ..Stress Less =-.
Happy early anniversary!
To plan or not to plan, that is the question. From my point of view, which is admittedly skewed by my own experiences and prejudices (as is everyone else’s), you are becoming more open to possibilities, more relaxed, more…free. Indeed, you really are on a path to freedom.
That’s why the universe is showing you so many signs, some of them conflicting. As you become more open to the possibilities, more possibilities open up for you. You can pursue any of these that strike your fancy.
There are thousands of possible (and correct!) paths through the maze called life; it’s not like a traditional maze where there’s only one right answer, and if you pick anything else, you’re screwed. The paths through the maze of life all connect with each other, and each one is valid. They all have their twists and turns, ups and downs.
The signs are there to alert you to possibilities, not to show you “the right path”, because there is no one true, right path. Just keep listening to your heart, remain open to as many possibilities as you can see, and do what feels right. I know it cab be difficult sometimes to figure out what your heart is really trying to say, but I have faith in you, in Jeff, and in Hunter, and I’m sure you all will be just fine.
.-= Jay Schryer´s last blog ..New Banners =-.
@ Zeenat: I like your idea that my plan is to stay positive and keep the faith. Now I can tell everyone who is worried, “I DO have a plan!” It’s interesting that this “for better or worse” test is going on around such a significant milestone in our marriage. We’re both committed, though. We have that same belief as you and your husband (and as Jared mentioned in a recent post), as long as we’re together, we could live anywhere and handle anything.
We’ll definitely find some way to mark the occasion. There’s a realtor coming to see the house today… maybe she’ll help us celebrate by selling it!
@ Jay: Well, well… look at you, Oh Wise One. I think that new banner of yours is helping, or else the Mantis has been guarding over you because this particular comment is sheer brilliance!
If we’re open to possibilities, the Universe provides (and we see) more of them. No one of them is the “right” path… we can choose to pursue whichever we want. And, for that matter, we’re free to change our minds later. Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Admittedly, I was thinking of the life journey more like a traditional maze, with a few viable options and several dead ends. But I don’t guess ANYthing is a dead end on this trip. I just told a commenter yesterday that on Friday I’m writing about a book that had that same message. At least that message has been consistent for a while now.
Thanks, Jay!
Lisis,
I think there may be a big difference between no plan and a plan that may or may not work. It’s said that the only sure way not to achieve what you want is by not trying, and we all know you’re working really hard for freedom, peace and balance. Sometimes the best plans aren’t literal steps one takes toward a goal, but just guide posts helping you make decisions along the way. Should I take a job I hate to help pay the bills? (plan says no, bad idea).
Remember this Rilke quote – Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will find them gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.
You’ve got a great community walking this path with you, and we all hope your happiness and success. Happy Anniversary.
.-= matt´s last blog ..keeping warm =-.
Dear Lisis,
Are plans different from dreams?
My life has been in a holding pattern for 9 years (since my divorce) as I wait to see what new road I will travel. And there have been times of great frustration. I have no choice but to keep plugging along and wait to see what the future unfolds. The only thing I know for sure is that when I try to force any situation, I hit a brick wall. I recognize that as the Universe’s way of telling me I am heading in the wrong direction.
A sense of humor is key. The bottom line is that we all start in the same place (birth) and we all end up in the same place (death). So, as best we can we need to enjoy the ride.
I love this quote: “God seldom answers our prayers early but never answers them too late.”
All the best to you and Happy Anniversary!
Peace,
Mary
Yay a Road to Freedom Update!
It seems that you guys are pretty acting the same way I would in terms of planning. When you live life for yourself (and not for a fixed income), I think it becomes hard to plan. What I do is just pick a goal and run with it. As long you have a definite end (which I know you do – freedom!) how you get there doesn’t really matter. The fact that you guys chose to do it is the best thing you could ever do.
P.S. Congratulations! Here’s to another ten years of your fabulous marriage.
.-= John´s last blog ..Reflections Upon a Summer’s End =-.
Happy Anniversary!!!
I’m a planner. I like to have a plan. Maybe it is that false sense of security that it gives me. But life/God/The Universe does throw us a curveball on occassion and all your plans can go right out the window. I’ve recently had the proverbial rug pulled out from underneath me and find all my future plans gone! So right now I am a planner with no plans and that is a scary place to be! But I do believe….or I have to believe that everything is working out the way its supposed….that I will be ok. Somehow, it will all work out. It’s about having the faith. That faith is what gets me through each day…hell, each moment!
I love that you and your husband took the leap of faith and went for it. I think its awesome that even though it’s stressful and scary for you, you followed your hearts and were true to yourselves. And because you say that you would do it all over again proves that this was the right decision for you!
Namaste,
Carol
.-= Carol´s last blog ..Part III – Where I’m At Now & What’s Next =-.
@ Matt: Funny you should mention that Rilke quote… I’ve used it myself, here at Q4B! You raise a very valid point, and that is: “plans” don’t necessarily have to include the details of every step. Like you said, we DO have a plan… we plan to live a more authentic, serene, enjoyable life. Surely there’s more than one way to get there, but our previous gig was not in keeping with our overall plan.
Very nice, my friend!!! This comments section is chock-full of gurus today! I just KNEW I came to the right people!
The financial crisis has taught many of us who DID have a plan, that the best laid plans can crash over-night! I think having a flexible plan that allows for the unexpected is the better way to go.
As for mortgage payments, banks used to accept interest payments only for those who simply could not make the whole payment in a particular month, but those rules could have changed.
Kyhepw Wow! Great thinking! JK
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@ Mary: I’m really sorry about your post-divorce holding pattern. My sister, and a cousin, are currently going through the divorce process and I KNOW that certainly dumps you into the sea of uncertainty, as your life will look nothing like it had up to that point. New beginnings, huh?
You’re definitely right that although the Universe may not tell us exactly which path to take, it almost certainly tells us when we’re at a dead end (brick wall). THOSE signs should not be ignored.
A sense of humor during uncertain times? Priceless.
@ John: Yay, indeed! I’m thrilled to be back exploring this topic… it intrigues me as I am also in the dark about how it will unfold. Freedom is definitely the goal, and we may try several paths before we feel we’ve completely achieved it. But the fact is, even now, we feel infinitely more “free” than we have for years.
@ Carol: I think you’ve hit the nail on the head… I am a recovering planner, currently with no plan at all. I used to be such a control freak, and believed I could plan for every possible situation, until my parents crashed their plane. From that day forward (about ten years, in fact) I’ve been keenly aware that I am not really in control of any of the “big” things in life. So I focus all my energy on what matters most to me (my family, and helping others), and the rest of the details can fall where they may… I’ll be fine either way.
Congratulations on ten years, Lisis and Jeff!
As for plans, I like them because I’m not in the habit of taking the smartest action without one. I have a tendency to avoid certain essential components unless they’re written down and marked “essential.” That said, I’ve never had anything go exactly as planned, like you say.
.-= David Cain´s last blog ..What I Learned From My Stint in The Traveling Reptile Show =-.
Happy Anniversary!
I’m a non planner, but getting older and more responsibilities (with mortgage etc )and a husband who is a planner has had me balance things abit to plan a little more. I think each to their own and you really sound like you are doing the right thing for you (you’d do it again) and lots of faith…what else can you ask for?
Thanks for sharing and sending lots of love, I know it will work out for you.
Jen
.-= Jen´s last blog ..If you had 24 hours left… =-.
Happy Anniversary! Ten years together is a strong bond to treasure – and I’m sure you both do!
I am so with Nadia on the make a plan and make God laugh. I’m sure God has cracked up laughing over mine throughout the years. I think now that I make them just to be sure God gets some comic relief! The trouble with making a plan (for me, at least) is that I become so focused on execution that I miss stuff – other opportunities, or “messages” as you put it. But I can so appreciate how over-whelming a myriad of messages can be! You are trying to be open to possibilities and yet there is so much going on, so many choices, you can become breathless in over-whelm and almost frozen in your tracks. Don’t forget to breathe!
I feel that every step we take (whether planned or not) leads us to a fork in the road. Choose. Take another step. Another fork. Choose. We can be led down paths that don’t feel right but no problem, another fork comes up. Choose again. Rarely is there a step that cannot be altered at the next fork. The path of life is one step at a time – sometimes taken in the dark, sometimes in the rain, and sometimes in brilliant blissful illumination.
I don’t know if it will help you to try and break things down, not look at the whole journey but just one step. It has helped me – it keeps things simple, smaller, more manageable. Big plans run the risk of “getting forked”.
Big hugs to you!
suZen
.-= suzen´s last blog ..Fanny Farmer: A Lady In Waiting =-.
Wow! A whole decade with the same man!?! That’s crazy talk!
(Joking there, I’ve been with my hubbie for ~ 10 yrs, too…)
Imagine me raising my class of orange juice to you two this morning!
Lisis, you know how I feel about planning. I totally agree with Nadia. Awesome quote!
Just keep your eyes and heart open to possibility.
As for signs, I totally know what you mean. It can be soooo confusing when you’re not sure which ones to notice. I don’t have any profound advice for you this morning other than to say to say “Life is Good” and you’re on the right track!
Sorry I’m slacking on comment replies… we’re back in “school” now, so I can’t check in as frequently (or I’ll be sent to the principal’s office… oh, wait, I AM the principal!).
I’ve read ALL your comments, though, and really appreciate the support and all the good wishes.
Suzen, that strategy of focusing only on the step immediately in front of me is about the only thing that keeps me sane, I think. If I try to look at the big picture, or find all the answers, I get overwhelmed. So I just look at today, maybe this week, and vaguely this month. Beyond that, I have NO idea.
Feeling like a dandelion seed, blowing in the wind…
Hey Lisis!
Congratulations on 10 years! That is a long long time!
Hope you guys have many more 10 years together ahead of you!
Things sound tough, but I guess that’s life.
You seem like a really good, sweet person with good intentions, so I’m sure there are good things coming your way
Things will sort themself out.
Good luck, and have faith
.-= Diggy – Upgradereality.com´s last blog ..Whether you think you can or can’t…you are right. =-.
Hi Lisis!
I am so enjoying reading your journey! I have to tell you it is now 2 months since I have quit my job – my job as a high school teacher which I would have actually been starting back today, if I was still there, with a nice pay check coming tomorrow. Well that pay check is not coming. And although I am not in the exactly same situation, as my husband is still working, having half an income does not go unnoticed.
So how do we plan? We really don’t. So I totally understand where you are coming from. If we were going to plan every little bit, etc, etc. I would not have quit in the first place. I think planning has its roots in security.
So no, now there is no security as to where my next moves and income (if any will come) but that is all good and okay, because I am living, actually we both are, as my husband says through this he is 50% free, that is half way there, so we are living, really living! And that to us is priceless and worth more than any money!
As for signs, yes definitely be aware of them, as they are everywhere. And if you notice them, they are for YOU!!! I am a strong believer that with the right faith and intentions anything and everything is possible, and everything always works out!
.-= Evita´s last blog ..Evolving Being In Action: Chris Edgar =-.
Hi Lisis, join the club of letting the mind take a back seat and have the heart speak up. Now how to practical do that in life is the question I too struggle with this because we have not been taught to live life like that. We have been taught to live with a mind driven plan only that can show linear results from linear actions. It is like learning to walk on your hands instead of your feet, everybody will say you are crazy and doing it the wrong way around.
I too have now a life without such a limiting mind driven plan. The mind is actually NOT capable of solving life choices, that is the domain of the heart. The mind is only capable of solving practical life issues as what to do with the mortgage in an integrity way so you don’t make a mess by ignoring the practical rules you have agreed upon when you decided to play the bank’s mortgage game.
The mind has NO idea of what is possible and it cannot know as the Universe is the only one who can see the bigger picture. To plan you need to know all the options and we do NOT know them. That is where miracles come in, they are just a manifestation of what the Universe has been planning for us with the bigger overview it has. It is looking at the earth from a space ship, the Universe is getting that bigger picture and thus has a lot more information than we can ever get from our limited view point from our place on earth.
For me I do every day what is in front of me and I do it with integrity so I do not mess up my practical day to day life and make trouble for myself. I make sure that I keep listening to what my heart says by checking my feelings. If the choice makes me smile and feel good, it is the right one, if it makes me feel woried and anxious it is the mind speaking.
And keep talking to people who you know can encourage you and know what you are on about. Support is vital to keep you on track as the whole world around you is bound to pull you back into the fold with its so called tried and true way.
Lisis, my heart goes out to you because it knows you can do it and it knows this is the way forward for the world. This way of living will have us return to being one and will give us peace and abundance for all. It is important what you are doing!
.-= wilma ham´s last blog ..What happened to my Integrity? =-.
Lisis – this whole plan vs. no plan thing is very interesting, especially considering all the emphasis on the law of attraction, intention, the power of visualizing etc. out there these days. I think a lot of people would say you have to know what you want in order to attract it to you. Then others would say you have to ‘see’ first – let the natural ‘flow’ of what is happening to/through you unfold. Really, it gets to the heart of all the personal development and spiritual teachings out there.
Personally, I think there are times for both, and I have found I swing between them. When I can’t see clearly, I wait, like you are doing in a sense, and try to accept and let things unfold. I love what you say about omens and signs. When I am in a ‘seeing’ phase I often feel like this – I intuitively sense that there is something I am meant to see, but can’t quite dope it out. Patience has never been my strong suit, but it’s the only answer I think. Then once I see something, I use every level of my being and intention to manifest it.
On another note, I talked with my cousin, who almost went into foreclosure last spring, about what advice she was given. She is in a different state, and her husband had been laid off at the time. They could just barely have still made their mortgage payment on her pay, but really wanted to renegotiate their payment, and the advice they were given was to purposely go into foreclosure by not paying. They did so, and were able to get a new reduced payment plan. But it was dicey for awhile – there was never any guarantee that the bank would agree. So not sure that really helps, but just thought I’d share!
.-= Lisa (mommymystic)´s last blog ..August Month in Review =-.
Thanks for this update — I’m really enjoying this series and it’s got me in real suspense about what’s going to happen next. I imagine that, at the very least, a great book will come out of this unique experiment.
Uncertainty is a scary thought, I admire your courage in facing it. I think you may have heard of the book “Who Moved my Cheese.” It’s a short yet powerful book, read it if you have spare time. It will bring you much more courage to face this transition in your life.
I believe something better is allotted for your family. Don’t put much effort deciphering any signs. Give your best at every moment (this is your master plan) and your destiny will shape accordingly.
.-= Walter´s last blog ..Powerful blog secret: Affective writing =-.
I follow Napoleon. He had a plan, but also his best troops in the rear, ready to be committed when the battle reached its critical point
Hi Lisis,
Work has been so busy so I have been behind in my reading but I am here!
First of all, Happy Anniversary to you and Jeff! That is awesome!
As for what you wrote about signs, I have come to notice that when a person is anxious for a sign, the sign won’t come. Fear and anxiety gets in the way and blocks the airwaves, if you will. When a person is more relaxed and less scared, the signs become more obvious. Then again, some signs are subtle. What I do know, is that usually a person knows when a sign is a sign.
As for plans, as you mentioned above, I don’t really believe in them. I think you can have goals or things you want to experience but the details of the how and the where and the when, is truly not predictable. It is like what happened when we went to NYC. We had plans of what we wanted to do but then your back acted up and things changed. We did a lot of what we wanted but some things did not get done. So moral of story…don’t be so rigid when it comes to plans and if you are, God will be hysterical with laughter.
.-= Nadia – Happy Lotus´s last blog ..The Unity of Words, Thoughts and Deeds =-.
hey leecease!!
man. banks. meh. took me 3 days to set up a bank account. they wanted a bill with my address on it but i don’t have bills addressed to me so they wouldn’t set it up. stupid banks.
it’ll be okay lisis. really. plan or not. plan just allows you to trick yourself into a sense of control. but it’ll work itself out.
congrats on the 10 year
that’s more important than all this other stuff.
keep well
a
Wow, what a great post and GREAT comments, to boot! I loved Jay’s wisdom; that really made good sense to me. Nadia’s comment about cracking God up with our so-called plans was awesome, too. Going with the flow, as Zeenat said, can obviously be beneficial, until you hit red alert time. Or I wonder if being totally flexible means red alert time never comes? As in, our reactions to circumstances change, as opposed to the circumstances, themselves, changing. Hmm, that’s making me wonder now.
I’m in a semi-uncertain boat right now, too. Some days I’m totally cool with it (denial?!), and other days I think, “Well you’d better get your a** in gear if you want to get through another month!”
I’ll let you know where I land! I have a loose plan to keep the faith. That’s about all I can offer right now. God always provides. Oh, and God makes a way where there is no way. I LOVE that affirmation!
~ Be well ~
Hey, everyone! Thanks for all the GREAT comments. I promise I am reading (and loving) every single one. I haven’t replied individually for two reasons:
1. Today is THE anniversary (and Jay already scolded me for being on twitter!)
2. It’s still a school day for us. Hunter and I just finished our Latin class, so now he’s running around the house shouting, “Salve Magistra!” (Hello Teacher). It’s kind of fun, really… Latin is turning out to be a mix between Spanish and Italian, so I’m learning too!
Megan, your loose plan to just keep the faith is about all you, or any of us, can really do. If you have that, all the details are irrelevant. You are definitely on the right path!
I’ll check in again at recess!
Lisis,
Plans? I’m thinking about soccer right now – and a team I coach. In the past, I’ve planned it all out – practices, positions, etc. This year, I’m really just going with the flow. I guess I have a bit of a plan – in my head- of what to work on. Beyond that, though, we’re just kind of going with it. This has not always been me, and yet, this year it is. We’re making it about having fun, and just going with the flow. I still think in this case, it’s a good idea to have some planned skill activities – but what I’m doing is not focusing on “ten minutes of this” and then “five minutes of that”. It’s more about going with what just feels right. And everyone seems to be having fun (we’ll see how the games go!). Anyway – I guess recently I’ve focused more on just being in the moment. And that’s been good for me.
And I can only imagine how uncertain your days can sometimes be. And because of that, Lisis, I give you so much credit for what you’re doing. I think it’s so hard to step away from the certainty of life, and really and fully live. I know I have trouble with that…. Seeing you here, and what you and your family are doing – I find it so uplifting and enlightening.
.-= Lance´s last blog ..Detours on the Path of Life =-.
Hi Lisis,
I agree with Zeenat when she says Keep the Faith.
I am new here and enjoyed reading your thoughts and the comments in this thread. When I read, “Confusing Signs,” I could totally relate. I find that on the days that my heart is clear and steady, the signs are not confusing at all. And on other days when I didn’t have time to pray or meditate, I can’t make out what the birds flying over me or the bright yellow spot of paint I found in a puddle all means.
I’ve also been told that whatever you have right now with you is what is best for you at that time. If you have little today that is meant for you and “best” for you and tomorrow when you have it all – it is the best for you then too. It is all abundance to me – considering we came into the world with nothing at all.
I admire your courage.
.-= balanceseeker´s last blog ..50 (Not So) Random Acts of Kindness =-.
@ Lance: I love that analogy! “Ten minutes of this and five minutes of that” is exactly what I USED to do. I used to plan every last little thing and every possible thing that could go wrong. Now, like you, I just want to go with the flow and have some fun. Trying to focus on one thing at a time. If a new variable comes up, we’ll figure out how it fits in with the overall plan of getting us closer to freedom.
@ BalanceSeeker: Welcome to Q4B!! It’s always great for me to meet a new reader and connect with a new kindred spirit. I love how you said that on the days your heart is clear and steady the signs are not confusing at all. So true. It’s when my mind works itself into a frenzy of worry over little things that everything else becomes unclear. Indeed, it’s time to Keep the Faith!
Plans. No idea. I make them all the time, like some kind of obsession to provide certainty and structure to the chaos of life. But then if I ask myself do I stick to the plans? do I use them in any way? I would have to say ‘no’ and ‘no’. And if I look back at the times of my life that I found most rewarding, they were the times I threw out the plans and went with whatever came up, and made decisions there and then.
But I still make them – though less and less. Some addictions are hard to throw off I guess.
I also find the signs in my life confusing. But if I’m really honest they are only confusing when they disagree with what I had in mind about how things should be. By themselves they are always clear, it’s always been me that confuses them!
.-= Ian | Quantum Learning´s last blog ..6 Ways to cultivate confidence =-.
Ian, that’s an excellent point. The signs do “seem” more confusing when they happen to not match what I imagined or hoped would happen. Perhaps the problem is that I still have expectations (however subtle) of how things should turn out for us.
Looking at clear signs through a foggy filter, it seems.
Well as to the third part, I really think you and your husband should have a plan for the next couple of weeks till either of you finds job. Since you are considering selling your house as well, you also have to look for a place to stay(unless you’ve already found one.)