Jackie and Heidi: A Tale of Unlikely Companions
October 16, 2009
Mrs. Jacqueline has always been a highly respected and admired woman in society. She excelled in academics, has incredible artistic talents, and is completely devoted to helping others in any way she can.
When Mrs. Jacqueline goes out into the world, and shares her energy and enthusiasm with everyone she meets, she is unstoppable. There is nothing Mrs. Jacqueline can not accomplish, if she sets her mind to it.
Little Miss Heidi, on the other hand, never wants to leave the safe confines of her home. She misses out on everything in life by hiding from everyone she knows. Little Miss Heidi doesn’t want to wake up to face her days. She doesn’t want to be seen, and dreads the thought of having to talk to anyone.
Although, occasionally, Little Miss Heidi has some fairly creative ideas, she has no energy whatsoever to carry them through to completion. Usually her thoughts just wander aimlessly around in her head, without coalescing into a single, useful notion.
She just sits.
Little Miss Heidi hates herself for being this way, but simply cannot change. Most days, there isn’t enough life force or ambition left in her to even try.
How these two ever got together is a mystery to all who know them. They are complete opposites in every way, yet they are inseparable.
One would think Mrs. Jacqueline would’ve had quite enough of Little Miss Heidi’s gloomy nonsense, and simply moved on to a better use of her time. Or, perhaps, Little Miss Heidi would finally just give up on trying to be more like Mrs. Jacqueline, and stop seeing her altogether.
And yet, they continue to co-exist.
When Heidi is particularly despondent, Jackie waits patiently for her to recover, whispering words of comfort:
“It’s going to be OK.”
“You’ll feel better soon, I promise.”
“Whatever you do, don’t give up!”
When Heidi recovers some of her health and hope, she throws all of her energy into being Jackie’s most ardent supporter, feeling certain that one day she, too, will have all that enthusiasm and zest for life.
As long as Heidi is striving to be more like Jackie, there is hope for them both. But, if Jackie ever gives up, leaving Heidi to fend for herself or, worse yet, becoming like her, they will both suffer greatly.
What is the best way to keep Little Miss Heidi striving, and Mrs. Jacqueline motivated to keep doing her very best? How do we keep them both from giving up?
If anyone can answer this, I shall be eternally grateful, as Jackie and Heidi are both, well… sides of me.
What about you?
Do you have Jackie and Heidi (Jekyll and Hyde) sides too?
Thanks!
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Posted in Life, about me, balance, depression, mental health
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Yes, I do. I have the fat, lazy me fighting with the deep-thinking, creative me. Lately, the latter has thankfully been kicking the first one’s ass. I think it’s time for Jackie to give Heidi an ass-whooping. Give more attention to Jackie.
Gordie Rogers´s last blog ..Is There Anything That’s Unforgivable? Part 1.
I had a much bigger distinction between parts of my personality when I was a child – my “home” versus my “school” personality. There was a different set of rules for school than for home and adapted to each. At school I was highly gregarious and outgoing but at home I did as little as possible to call attention to myself.
It’s an interesting perspective and one that I hadn’t considered before. Especially since I prefer to be low key at home as an adult. I guess the pattern is kind of in place at this point!
Hayden Tompkins´s last blog ..Creating a Passion Plan
There is just one me. What you see is what you get.
I think they will both always be there, and sometimes Jackie will give up. That is when things become difficult until Jackie is rested and recovered and ready to come back. Sometimes this can take very long, and then a great big push or help from the outside world of loving friends or family can speed the resting period up by a lot
Thanks Lisis!
Diggy – Upgradereality.com´s last blog ..12 Favorite posts on UpgradeReality
@ Gordie: I do believe that is part of the solution. The dog that wins the fight is the one you feed… or cultivate the seeds of happiness and eradicate the weeds of suffering… There is a momentum factor about it, too. Whenever I’m feeling productive, happy, and unstoppable, the ball just keeps rolling pretty much until I hit a brick wall. Then it’s very difficult to start rolling that ball uphill. Those moments don’t last long (or as long as they used to), but boy are they ever tough to get through!
@ Hayden: You just reminded me that I also had very distinct “at school” and “at home” personalities. I believe they became more divided during high school and college, maybe even grad school. It is only in recent years that they have started to come closer together… closer to becoming ONE.
@ JR: You are very lucky (blessed). A mind divided cannot stand, so if you can feel whole and at one, then you are in a wonderful place.
@ Diggy: Good point… sometimes rest is needed, just like in the cycles of Nature. I suppose as long as Jackie is usually the one calling the shots, it’s OK for Heidi to have a day or two for herself here and there. It’s only a problem if Heidi gets her way most of the time… which is how things USED to be.
Getting love and support from the outside world, and from this community in particular, has really helped Jackie gain strength and taught Heidi to work on seeing the positives. One of the worst things we can do when feeling despondent is to isolate ourselves. If we can just reach out to someone, we’ll be on our way to recovery.
When I’m feeling down I try and think of something funny. George Carlin usually does it for me. (That’s my practical answer.) =)
For a more spiritual answer, remember that there is no dichotomy. Look past the two sides and remember that you and they are just parts of everything. That change in perspective should help tremendously. I know when I feel drained I also feel secluded and cut off from everything around me. Opening up usually cures this.
Lastly, Little Miss Heidi shouldn’t hate herself, she’s special too. =)
Very courageous post, dear one. Not a lot of people have the strength or courage to post something so open, honest, and personal.
It’s very hard for me to answer this without projecting my own needs, fears, and hopes onto you, but I’ll try.
The way you keep them both from giving up is by understanding what each one needs, and by giving them that. When each one is satisfied, they can help each other with whatever they are facing.
Love is the answer; that’s what both sides of you need. Love, and acceptance. Tell yourself that it’s OK to be sullen and withdrawn sometimes, and cherish those times. It gives you time to think, to feel, to work on your inner self, and your internal processes. It gives you time to recharge your batteries, and to refill your own spiritual energy with light and love. This is your in-breath.
Likewise, it’s OK to go out into the world and share that energy, that love, with others. You share what you have learned, you commune with others, you help others grow…this is your out-breath.
Breathe in, breathe out. They’re both OK, and both equally necessary.
Jay Schryer´s last blog ..Memories Best Left Forgotten
Hi Lisis!
I allow both sides of me to co-exist and realize that there are just days when one rules the other, both have their place and contribution, and as long as I refrain from judgment but love them “both” I’m just fine. I so agree with Jay – love is the answer! I love both equally – always.
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Lisis Blackston and John Anyasor, Jay Schryer. Jay Schryer said: Do you have any advice for @Serene_Balance ? Jackie and Heidi: A Tale of Unlikely Companions http://bit.ly/3GLt51 [...]
I wouldn’t say that I have such defined sides to myself. I would say, though, that I often feel that I need to be Jackie to Donald’s Heidi/Hyde. I think what motivates me most is keeping our priorities in mind, focusing on our core values, and thinking long-term rather than short-term. Hugs and smiles and kisses and encouragement and faith and breathing are all helpful. Love and patience and acceptance. All sides of you make you whole.
Daphne´s last blog ..Own Your Way
@ Jason: First, George Carlin was a genius. You already scored super brownie points with me for being a Carlin fan.
Second, that is actually really great advice. I have recently had this epiphany about embracing ALL sides of everything in Nature, and you just reminded me that includes ME. Little Miss Heidi thanks you for the compliment, btw!
@ Jay: Another beautiful comment from you, my friend. I really like that view of it… Breathe In, Breathe Out… both necessary and natural and transient. It’s amazing how much more AT ONE I feel these days, and you guys are a HUGE part of the reason. Such warm and loving wisdom in these comments… I’m humbled.
@ Suzen: You are so right. I’ve been doing much better at loving ALL sides of those around me (even the not so friendly sides), and need to learn to apply the same acceptance to all sides of myself. Love is definitely the answer.
@ Daphne: You know, both my sisters married J/H types and, although my sisters didn’t experience those emotions first hand, they certainly had to deal with them fairly often in their lives. Hearing the way that I felt in relation to the world around me, they both were able to understand their husbands a little better.
I’ll never forget what my mom told me one time when she visited me in college. I had been on a three-day funk… my whole apartment felt overcast and dreary. She said she had never felt that, and couldn’t really understand it, but that she loves me no matter what, and whatever IT is will pass. It did.
awwwwwwsome post.
sexy as fvck. smoooth magic lava irresistible flow.
i think realising that you don’t need to keep them both happy.
and more importantly, realising that neither of them are real. they’re just attachment and aversion, both dancing in and out of existence according to fluctuations in your mood. they’re not real.
rather than trying to make them happy, let go of wanting to control everything, let go of the attachment and aversion to your goals. then they disappear, and stop tainting your experience and let you be YOU, not these little edited down characters.
alex – unleash reality´s last blog ..You Are Not The Enemy: A Festival in the Desert & Becoming Superhuman
Awesome, Lisis! I love this post!
Hmmm, well, I’m not sure I can be of much help since I have my own version of Jackie and Heidi (but I think mine are Roseanne Roseannadanna and Debbie Downer – if you’ll remember from Saturday Night LIve).
I think it’s important to keep them talking to each other. Maybe they can coach and mentor each other when times become challenging? For me, I just let one take over when she feels like it an go with the flow. The more I’ve stopped trying to control things, the better off I’ve been!
Lori´s last blog ..Chillax and Unplug
Wow, Lisis, it’s unbelievable how closely this relates to me. It’s 1:43 at me at the moment, and I’ve drank one or two beers this evening with my pals, so I’m not really going to write a longer comment now. However, I’m definitely going to return to this one. Stumbled it, really amazing.
Thanks. Nice as always, Lisis.
Zoli.
I am privileged to know “both” of these lovely ladies… and my first thought is that there is no one without the other. Themes of duality are common throughout literature and the arts, and as we know, art immitates life. Light/dark, yin/yang… they are all part of the human condition. Isn’t this what the “Quest for Balance” is all about? Being a Gemini (“the twins”), I’m classified as having a dualistic nature; I think that we all do, and that it makes us interesting and complex!
Alison | Quest for Balance´s last blog ..Jackie and Heidi: A Tale of Unlikely Companions
Hi Lisis
I too have to congratulate Miss Heidi on sharing herself.
It is not easy to show the less desirable and less popular part and making oneself so vulnerable and open to judgment and ridicule.
It shows courage AND trust AND an innate knowledge that you are actually not separate but live in a loving world that will accept this vulnerable exposure of who one is.
Wow, underneath I think Miss Heidi is quite knowledgable even if it might not look that way!
And as long as Heidi and Jackie not separate all is fine.
AND has Heidi ever considered how her honesty is contributing to Jackie?
Times of reflection, times of going within are valuable if we do not make them wrong.
“How these two ever got together is a mystery to all who know them”, however I believe they both contribute hugely to each other. They are complete opposites in every way, yet they are inseparable and is that not what is in essence brother and sisterhood, feeling connected AND NOT seperate even if we look so different on the outside.
Lisis, I think you touched on a very imporant and profound human issue; if we could all feel accepting of our differences, let each of us contribute whatever they can and NEVER ever feel separate from the love of the Universe and human beings and ourselves the world and us in it would rock.
I am learning to embrace the Heidis and the Jackies equally lovingly and to be present to them without judgment and with an open heart.
They are not dualistic, just different in the moment as we all are and as every moment in our life is.
Lisis, you beautifully illustrated how separateness and judgment can give us grief.
Lots of love to both of you beautiful beings, Wilma
wilma ham´s last blog ..What happens when instead of an old fashioned partner I become a sponsor.
@ Alex: OK… you had me at “sexy” and I lost track of everything after that line.
I really do like the “smooth magic lava irresistible flow” thing. It reminds me of the art I’m currently working on. I’ll take that as a sign that I should keep going with it.
You’re right, though, about the attachment and aversion part… I need to just let go and let it ALL be. Both sides, all sides, every part of me.
@ Lori: Ha! Debbie Downer! Thanks for the memories. And there’s my “go with the flow” sign again. That is what I keep seeing everywhere this week. You’ve already seen my first piece, entitled FLOW, so you know I’m feeling this vibe right now.
@ Zoli: Thanks for the stumble. I take it you had a great time with your friends, and I hope you were careful getting home. Don’t forget to come back and share your thoughts; I always look forward to your perspective.
@ Ali: You do, in fact, know both of these ladies. In fact, you had to LIVE with both of them at one time! I don’t know how anyone lives with THESE two… sometimes I can’t stand either one of them!
@ Wilma: Thank you for your thoughtful comment. I actually went back and forth on the issue of whether to publish this or not. The story flowed out of me in a couple of minutes, so I felt like I “should” share it… like it didn’t come from ME, really, and I was meant to put it out there.
But the rational ME, the one that has spent a lifetime downplaying the Heidi side of me, trying to pretend she doesn’t exist when I KNOW she’s a major presence, did not want to publish this. However, I am learning to accept everything about ME and everything about those I come in contact with. The good sides, the perceived flaws, the inconveniences, ALL of it is part of who we are.
I’m feeling very AT ONE with myself and others. The Universal Atonement (At-One-Ment), I guess.
Wow Lisis what a great, creative but most importantly authentically you post as always!
For the most part I think I have been able to bring both of these personalities to rest. Today, I feel balanced and one, oh say 90% of the time, okay maybe 80%? I am not sure, but most of the time I don’t feel one or the other of these personalities taking over in any way. Now how did I do it? Great question. I wish I could tell you, but I really don’ know. It just came over me, as I went through a lot of changes.
The biggest thing I remember is one day waking up and saying “enough” – enough of going back and forth on the roller coaster of emotions or life as some might see it.
I wanted stable, sustainable happiness and I made that my most prized intention. Today I live it. Like I said there may be moments where I do not realize my potential or don’t believe in myself enough, say like Mrs.Heidi – but these moments are now very rare. I just try to remember all that I have come to learn and become in the last 4 years of changes and that seems to work as both Mrs. Heidi and Mrs. Jacqueline today seem to be one.
So the advice I would offer is any moment is not to deny either one of them, but try to bring them in together into a balance. I think the trick to eliminating Mrs.Heidi is not to overemphasize Mrs. Jacqueline. Neither one of them is better. They are after all both opposite spectrums of our egos talking to us or through us. Thus bridge the gap between them, until they become one.
Evita´s last blog ..14 Things I Can’t Live Without
HI Lisis,
God…reading this post made me think like you were writing about me…..freaky!!!
I have these two sides too. There is the eternal fight between the right and wrong and good versus evil. I accept both my sides. But, Like you I try and quieten the negative me with “positive reassurances”. It usually helps.
I used to be 75% Heidi and 25% Jacqueline….but over the years i think i have been able to beat miss heidi at her dirty games….I think i am 75% Jacqueline now and 25% heidi….I know..still 25% to go…but the realization and acceptance that i need to change will for sure get me to my goal….100% Jacqueline with heidi becoming a great support of positive reassurances.
Heres hoping Heidi and Jacqueline become BFFs and have happy and wholesome lives
Loved this post sweetie. As always so honest that it touches the right places of the heart and mind.
Lot of love
Zeenat{Positive Provocations}´s last blog ..Explore Dream Discover{Inspirational Quote}
Thanks for this. I have a Mr. Hyde part who is a lot like Hyde in the original story — he doesn’t kill anyone, but he is pretty angry. When I feel that energy arising, though, that’s when I feel most empowered to accomplish what I want. I just need to let go of the story that letting that energy come out will be destructive.
@ Evita: Thank you for sharing your story with me. I always find it inspiring when others have learned to manage their dualistic natures in a way that allows them to press on, continue forward, and not give up. I do believe my task now is to help the two become one… to bring them in alignment with each other.
@ Zeenat: Me too! I used to be more Heidi, and now I’m more Jackie, but Heidi is always there. Just as I was reading your comment, you reminded me of Tai Chi… the 70/30 rule. At any given time, 70% of your body weight rests on one foot, and 30% on the other, with constant motion and switching between them. The trick becomes to master this flow for smooth, effortless transitions.
The reason this matters to me right now is I have just signed up for a Tai Chi discovery course here, mostly to meet people, but also because I felt driven to (and I couldn’t figure out why?). Perhaps this is why… to help me master that seamless, flowing transition between my natures. Thank you, darling, for this epiphany!
@ Chris: I wondered if anyone would bring that up… the original Mr. Hyde was overcome with ANGER, not depression. And the story resonated with so many people because most of us can relate to dealing with a dualistic nature. The thing I’d like to point out here is something a reader once shared with me, “Depression is Anger turned inward.” It is the same toxic feeling, but not an outward expression of it.
Some people explode with anger, and the rest of us implode with it (towards ourselves, others, circumstances, whatever.) The key either way, I believe, is to find a productive way to handle those less-than-productive emotions. Exactly HOW that is, will vary from person to person.