Inspiration: Nobody Trips Over Mountains
October 18, 2009
Nobody trips over mountains.
It is the small pebble that causes you to stumble.
Pass all the pebbles in your path,
and you will find you have crossed the mountain.
*
Recently, a reader shared this passage with me, and it really got me thinking about some of the “pebbles” I’ve passed in my life. As I looked back on my story, I realized, I really have crossed a mountain. Here are just a few of the stops along the way:
I was born in Honduras, raised in Costa Rica until 6th grade, went to Middle School, High School and College in California, and grad school in Georgia.
When I was 11, I went to Brazil for Children’s International Summer Villages… I learned that people are people no matter what they look like, or where they live. When I was 15, I went to five countries in Europe with my dad… I learned that people are people no matter what they look like, or where they live. When I was 17, I went to Hong Kong alone on a business trip for my dad… guess what I learned? Yup.
People are people, no matter what they look like, or where they live
We all want the same things in life… we want to be safe, we want to love and be loved, we want to be able to provide for those we care for, and we want to get through the though times and back to the good times.
I’ve had my share of tough times, and I’ve learned there are no degrees of challenges. One man’s problems are no better or worse than another’s.
Challenges are ALWAYS difficult, whether you are 15 and suffering because your boyfriend won’t call you (which I did), or 30-something and praying for your child to survive his life-threatening surgery (which I did). It doesn’t matter… whatever you are going through at any given time feels like the most painful and challenging thing anyone has ever had to endure.
But know this, you will get through it… whatever it is. I promise.
When I was in college, I lived in a sea of bliss. I was a pilot, attending UCSD, and flying around Southern California like a butterfly in a garden, without a care in the world. About the only problem I had was that stupid boyfriend who wouldn’t call back, or maybe a mid-term or final exam I wasn’t prepared for (darnit, Physics!). I had some hints of depression, but overall, life was pretty peachy.
Then, in 1999, my dad crashed his plane while my mom and another couple were in it. Both moms died that day, crushed by the wing of the plane. (Yeah, MY mom.) Both dads ended up in wheelchairs, and thrown into a life they didn’t choose. My dad became widowed, paraplegic, and bipolar (triggered by the stress, I suppose) all at once. I no longer gave a sh*t about Physics… or boys, or flying, or anything.
Life Happens
Three months after the accident, I met Jeff on a blind date. Six weeks later we were engaged, and on September 3, 1999, we got married. That was a big year for me. The new millenium promised to look NOTHING like my “old life”. In fact, for a long time I felt like my old life never really existed at all… it was just a dream… I dreamed I was once a butterfly.
My old life was about flying in California, and hanging out with my parents. My new life was about hospitals, grief, trauma, and family issues in Georgia… oh, and marriage… a whole new family and set of friends. NONE of the people I was around, including Jeff, had ever met my parents, or seen me fly a plane. The person I was before the accident no longer existed. Very few people even KNEW that person, or that life. I didn’t know who I was.
In 2000, our son, Hunter, was born… then I knew who I was: I was Hunter’s mom. I loved him to pieces, and he became my reason for hope, but it was a huge struggle dealing with post-partum depression piled on top of grief and my identity crisis.
Fortunately, I was still in touch with two friends from my “old life,” Alison (FairyBlogMother) and Lou. They became my sanity check, reminding me that my old life really did happen. I clung to them for dear life!
In 2004, we cashed out our 401K, and moved to Costa Rica for a year. In 2005 we moved to Austin. That Christmas, Lou shot himself. For a long time, I blamed myself.
Six months later, Hunter had what was supposed to be a simple Chiari surgery on his skull, which did not go “as planned”. Most of 2006 was spent watching Hunter either suffer extreme pain daily, or recover from the “repair” surgery in a halo for several months. So… 2006 was a tough year.
We moved to Georgia, to a secluded house in the country, where I homeschooled Hunter (it was not exactly safe to send him to regular school), read all things philosophical and spiritual, and filled journals with a sea of emotions that poured out from within the depths of my confused soul.
In March of 2008, my dad died. He simply stopped wanting to live. That moment marked the end of a decade-long chapter.
I wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote and, one day… the storm had subsided. The sun rose, and I even noticed a rainbow or two.
I could breathe again.
I could smile again.
I wanted to live again.
Just like that.
Now I want only one thing.
I want everyone else to feel that inner peace and happiness.
I am no fool; I know tough times still lie ahead. Challenges are just part of life. But I also know that I will get through them, and that joy awaits on the other side. Nothing lasts forever. The tough times will pass, so I don’t need to let them overwhelm me. The good times will also pass, so I should make the most of them while they are here.
When times are difficult, I look for little things to focus on and get me through: my son’s smile, the beauty of Fall, roasting marshmallows by a camp fire, racing giant pumpkins in the lake… just about anything will do. When times are easy, I make a mental (and often written) list of all the things that bring me joy, so I can remind myself at times when they are not so easy to see.
At ALL times, I want to help others get through their difficult moments. I want to help YOU.
I finally know who I am… a person who cares, whose shoulder was made to cry on. I can always be reached at this email: MyQuestForBalance (at) gmail (dot) com.
So now, October 2009, we live in Vermont. I write what I feel, and post it at Quest for Balance in the hopes that it will help someone else feel a little bit less alone, or a little more understood. The stories come from my life, but this blog isn’t about me… it’s About You.
In fact, I would love to know more about you. If you are a regular commenter, consider sharing some new tidbit that we probably didn’t know about you. If you have never commented before, maybe you could just let me know you are out there… simply say Hi. I would love to meet you.
Thanks!!!
Have you passed a lot of pebbles on your path up the mountain? Have you stumbled over any? Have you made it to the other side?
Related posts:
- Fellowship Fridays: Dealing with Special Needs
- Inspiration from Osho: Three Truths About Life
- Inspiration from Yoko Ono: Seasons Pass
- Adventure: Being Open to Possibilities
- Inspiration from Edgar Allan Poe: Alone
Posted in Life, Overcoming Challenges, about me, inner peace, inspirational quotes
content rss
Hi Lisis. I was so moved reading this post. You’ve had a lot to deal with but the way you are dealing with life is really beautiful.
for a moment reading it, I made myself wrong for the little things in comparison I am dealing with but as you said, we all have different things to deal with. But life’s knocks can help us understand other peoples pain and bring more compassion to the world. Thanks again for sharing Lisis and for being an incredible source of inspiration. Jen x
Lisis,
This today is so filled with emotion. and that’s you, pouring your heart out, in a way only you can do. Just like each of us can only do that same for ourselves…open up and let the true and real us out. And that’s liberating, reading today and being reminded of the pebbles that have taken each of us on our own journey up that mountain…the mountain of life.
Know that my life…is touched by you, and made easier for our paths crossing…
Lance´s last blog ..Sunday Thought For The Day
Lisis sweetie, Your heart is like the deep ocean that has so many different currents, some high, some low, some peaceful and yet always so so deep. Your strength gives me strength and your passion for life is just so so admirable. You make all of us want to LIVE.
In more ways than one {cant mention so many in a comment} !!
We all have our ups and down, but dealing with them positively and inturn helping others through your own experiences is truly truly admirable.
You have a heart of Gold sweetie..and I am so honored our paths crossed.
Your pebbles have made me think of mine…and hopefully one day I might have the courage like you to pour my soul out in a future post. But i can safely say i have made it to the other side with the blessing of God and all things holy. On this side…the colors are just so vibrant. Life is just so lovely. I now know ME…and what i want from my life.
You indeed are my twin
Lots and lots of love and hugs.
Zeenat.
Zeenat{Positive Provocations}´s last blog ..Explore Dream Discover{Inspirational Quote}
Dear dear Lisis…..I feel like reaching across the oceans and enfolding you in a big hug. I am always amazed by your honesty – and now I can see that it’s born of such deep pain – pain that you’ve overcome and turned in to a blessing – to you and to us, your readers.
Thank you for being such a precious instrument of truth…making us look deep in to ourselves.
Corinne
Corinne Rodrigues´s last blog ..Burnt Toast
Your post today was an inspiration. Thank you.
I am always looking for a better way to live and make the most of life and sometimes it just takes another persons story and strength to remind us that life is a struggle and can be difficult but it can also be wonderful and beautiful. Thanks again.
@ Jen: I have been guilty of the same thing… comparing my trials and tribulations with those of others, and thinking, “What the heck are YOU complaining about? You have your health, your family, a place to live, food, etc. You don’t even KNOW what suffering is.”
Yeah, maybe, but… the pain we suffer doesn’t really exist on a spectrum. We either suffer or we don’t. Whether something SHOULD cause us suffering is irrelevant if we FEEL it. Some people suffer tremendously if they have to touch a doorknob because of the danger they perceive. It’s easy for the rest of us to say, “THAT should not cause you angst. THAT is nothing.” But it’s very real to the person who experiences it.
Point is, whatever is causing you pain is real and valid and yours and part of your journey and serving a purpose. So, embrace it. Don’t feel guilty or ashamed of it. It is all part of you.
The key to getting through tough times is knowing (and believing) that they will eventually pass. When we forget that, we need our friends and loved ones to remind us, and it;s our job to remind them when their time in the darkness arrives. As always, music helps
“Oh it won’t rain all the time.
The sky won’t fall forever.
And though the night seems long,
your tears won’t fall forever.” ~Jane Siberry
“Nothing last’s forever, even cold November rain.” ~Guns N Roses
“I’ll take your part.
When darkness comes
And pains is all around,
Like a bridge over troubled water
I will lay me down.” ~Paul Simon
Jay Schryer´s last blog ..Memories Best Left Forgotten
@ Lance: Thank you, my dear. This was one of those posts where, at times, I found myself crying. Jeff would walk by and say, “What?” and I’d respond my usual… “Oh, nothing… just writing a post.” I think, by now, he’s gotten used to that. I’m not actually sad in this moment, but in reliving each of the pebbles I briefly described, those emotions all flood back into me in a split second. It makes me grateful, in fact, that I no longer LIVE in that emotional state.
@ Zeenat: Hi, my twin! Keep in mind, just because I tend to reveal probably way too much about my life, does not mean you (or anyone) has to for your own catharsis or to help others. Sometimes it’s enough that you have felt pain, and you can empathize with those who do. The reasons behind our pain are, as I mentioned, irrelevant; so don’t feel you HAVE to reveal them until you are ready or in the right circumstances… and only if it is right for YOU. I know you have been through a lot because you care so deeply for others.
@ Corinne: THANK YOU… for commenting, and for sending me your energy hug. Luckily for us, energy isn’t bound by time and space, so if you send it, I receive it.
I’m not sure if pain is ever overcome; it is simply accepted or understood. As I mentioned to Lance, when I relive those memories, the pain is as real as if it had happened yesterday… the memories as fresh… the smells… the sounds… the fear. I think the embers of pain will always smolder just a little, and heat up with certain memories; I’m just aware they are there, and work around them.
@ Tiffiny: You have captured perfectly the essence of what Quest for Balance was intended to be. I usually joke that I’m a Libra, and a little bipolar, so I need to find balance in my life. But this blog is really about the balance between how we want our life to be, and how it actually is. Challenges happen to all of us, and they suck… no bones about it. But it is still possible to find happiness even in those moments, and certainly after they pass. Never give up; there is always hope.
@ Jay:
“And when the night is cloudy,
There is still a light that shines on me,
Shine on until tomorrow, let it be.
I wake up to the sound of music
Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom, let it be.
Let it be, let it be…
There will be an answer, let it be.”
Hello Lisis. Very moving and inspirational post that many of your readers will identify with. If I may, I’d like to offer a little real-life story of my own. It’s about how I began learning how to deal differently with tragedies and tribulations. Hope it’s not too long.
Some years ago, one of my best friends came down with inoperable and terminal cancer. I met John in highschool, and we stumbled through college together, double dating and studying and kibitzing with the best of ‘em. As best man at his wedding later, I was privileged to be there at the beginning of his family life, and watched his children grow over the years.
To say the least, we were good buddies. When John was diagnosed with this terrible disease, I was stunned into a state of shock I’ve never really gotten over. John had an awful time with the illness as well. At one point he had to have emergency surgery for a bowel ruptured by the cancer. It was after this heart-rending episode that John gave me a powerful gift I didn’t grasp at the time. But to appreciate the story, you have to understand something first. John had always been a real “worry wart”. He’d agonize over exams for example, although he always aced them. Trials on the horizon of his life would send him into a nervous state. It’s fair to say that John didn’t much appreciate life’s tribulations.
Now let’s return to John’s hospital bed after the emergency surgery I mentioned. I’d arrived very early the next morning to visit and give his wife a break from 24-7 caring. It was just John and I alone in that room, being quiet together. Suddenly John spoke up and said something I’ve never forgotten. “Botcha” he said (means buddy) and then paused for a moment. “If I could exchange this cancer for a million exams and tough times, I’d love the heck out of every single difficult one of them”. It didn’t really dawn on me immediately what he was saying. But now I know for sure.
John meant this. We should be truly grateful for all things in our lives….. including the dark challenges and terrible trials thrown at us. Why? Because they are Life and each and every part of life is better than death. Sadly, I was close enough to John in the last days of his life to really feel what he was saying. Later I really understood the lesson. Today when rough things show up I pretend momentarily I have cancer like John. Then I say to myself….”If I could wave a magic wand and make my cancer disappear, I’d be grateful even for life’s difficulties”. In my case my imaginary cancer disappears….and I’m filled with gratitude for each part of my life…however hard it may be. I’d love to pass John’s gift on to anyone who can learn from it.
Ciao Lisis and my heart is warmed by your being able to triumph in the face of great adversity. John Duffield
John Duffield´s last blog ..All About THE SECRET
Lisis. I love how you share your pain and your triumph. You have a will to live and a passion for life that shines through – and it’s very catching!
You asked regular commenters to share a little – and I think I’m a reasonably regular commenter.
What struck me about your story is that the ‘pebbles’ you talk about were thrown in your path by life and there’s a certain nobility in how you talk about them. If I think about my own story then most of my pebbles I’ve created for myself – and it’s not so easy to find nobility in that. I think many of us do that – as though life is not challenging enough – we create problems where none existed. As an example, I walked out of my marriage and family (one small baby) about 17 years ago. Now that was a huge lesson in how to work through guilt and responsibility – took me years and years to come through that. I’m certain I’m now a far far better person than I was then!
I guess my point is that it doesn’t matter where the pebbles come from – they still turn us into the people we become.
Hi, John… thank you, thank you, thank you for sharing this story with us. I know that had to be a terribly difficult time for you, and for his family, and most of all, for him. But I know he didn’t go through that in vain because you (and probably others) learned such a valuable lesson from him, and it’s one you continue to pass on.
Life, with all its ups and downs and crazy complications, is still Life… and it sure beats the alternative. This is something that can best be understood and fully absorbed when the alternative is real… either for you, or those you care about. Those of us who have come that close to understanding early in life have been given such an amazing gift… the ability to see and appreciate Life as it is.
I want to thank you for sharing this because, not only is it a great life lesson that teaches me more about who you are, but maybe it will encourage others to do the same… to share their current challenges or lessons they have learned. If anyone would like to do so here, or in an email, or as a post (even if you are not a blogger), I would be honored and humbled.
YOUR stories give ME strength every day.
Hi, Ian! You are definitely a regular, and part of the Q4B family. Thank you for bringing up the issue of self-created pebbles, because really, MOST of the things we stumble over are of our own doing. Sometimes we create complicated situations, and other times we imagine them (we suffer because of what might possibly happen or not happen).
There is a Goethe quote I love about this:
“Happiness is a ball after which we run wherever it rolls, and we push it with our feet when it stops.”
We all say we want to be happy, and we are on this quest to find the mythical happiness. But, truth is, when we find it, we start creating real or imagined scenarios that keep us worried, unhappy, frustrated, etc. It is as if we cannot or will not just embrace happiness when it comes our way.
But you are so right, no matter what the pebbles are or where they come from, they shape and mold us into who we are today.
Hugs to you Lisis! You are what I think of when I use the term “Angel Survivor”. That, to me, is someone who has had some real life shaking events but emerged all the stronger, all the more loving and compassionate and most of all tremendously capable to giving love, hope and encouragement to the rest of the planet. That’d be you, kiddo! I tear up just writing this! What a beautiful spirit you are!!!
I have found writing the best cathartic release for my pain and suffering. I have 40 years of journals, some dripping blood, sweat and many tears. The icky thing for me is that by reading them back, so comes the pain again. I had a very good ceremony on my 60th birthday, tearing out some of the worst of the uglies and burning them in a campfire, alone, save for a bottle of good wine.
Afterward I had this outrageous feeling of relief – it was too weird! I laughed (could have been the wine!) and said “What the hell, SuZen, you’ve survived a frikkin’ endlessly drama-infested soap opera. If you went public with this, nobody would believe you!” Seriously. I’ve had friends who encouraged me to write my life’s story. Their mouths are gaping in disbelief at each decade’s twists, turns and characters. I’ve started a vignette of stories – no real order to them – but the majority so far are coming out funny instead of sad. I don’t know what’s up with that, if my mind is totally twisted up or leaving me altogether? One wonders, ha! If there is ANYthing delightful about getting old, it’s that you can chose what memories to keep and what to let go of!
Anyway, I salute you, Angel Survivor! Huge hugs comin’ your way!
Hi Lisis.
We sure jump over a lot of these rocks. I like jumping over rocks too. I haven’t tripped over a mountain before, and you are right that it isn’t possible.
Your message is one of strength and understanding. Sometimes us readers of uplifting material forget the less productive ways to respond to such occurrences in our days. For every one person who looks upward from a tough situation, I could find you a few who dash the other way.
I hear your message here, and am glad to have. I welcome these pebbles and rocks with open arms, and will hop over them as you have. I can picture a conveyor belt covered with pebbles and rocks that we are running on like a treadmill.
Thanks for this.
Armen Shirvanian´s last blog ..A Hello Video With A Booming Introduction
Hi Lisis,
Wow, sweets, I had known a lot of these bits and pieces (pebbles) of your experiences, but reading them all sewn together in one story really forms the mountains that I can now see you’ve climbed. You are a warrior princess, LisisMB.
There’s so much I want to say – I’m filled with emotion. I also echo Jay and his words about knowing things will get better. One of the phrases that has ushered me though some of my darkest times has been, “This, too, shall pass.” Because, the sun will always rise again.
Lisis, thank you for your story and for the forum you’ve created. I applaud Ian for his honesty and the work he’s done. John D’s story about his friend also very much affected me as well. It is a story that hits very close to home. Same for Suzen.
Thank you kind souls for touching my heart today.
Lori´s last blog ..Chillax and Unplug
Hi Lisis, your story and your views are SO INSPIRING. Thanks for sharing this. It’s so real, and I really love the passage. It creates a great perspective to look at things from. I’m really touched, too, on a heart and soul level. I can relate to so you’ve written and shared about your life and yourself.
You’ve really got a knack for shining a light in the dark. Thank you, and keep shining!
Miche´s last blog ..There Is No Such Place As Stuck
I was really moved by this post. I am so sorry about your friend, Lou. Bipolar Disorder is one of the most difficult disorders to live with and it is so painful to know someone you love is suffering and not be able to help in a way that you think is meaningful. I admire that you took a tragedy in your life and used it as inspiration to help others; that takes a lot of strength. By talking about it openly, you inspire others to be stronger and to be more compassionate.
lena´s last blog ..Bonesetter’s Daughter–Not Broken!
@ Suzen: Oh, I would love to read about your stories some day. I’m certain you have some interesting tales to tell because your current approach to life is so level-headed and well-rounded. You have such a fantastic sense of humor, too, that I am not one bit surprised your stories are turning out funny, despite the serious subject matter.
Our memories are all selective, and vary depending on when we recall them. Sometimes we’ll wallow in the agony of the challenges, and other times we’ll giggle about the crazy situations that got us there. I find that life is serious enough, even without us recounting it in a serious way… humor is a wonderful way to cover the bigger issues of life. I can’t wait to read that book!
@ Armen: Yeah… some of those pebbles weren’t exactly pebbles I jumped over but, rather, boulders I got dragged over! Either way, I somehow reached the summit. Now I’m finding that, on the way down, I still run across some boulders and pebbles I need to work around, but it’s easier this time.
@ Lori: Wow! Now I’m a Warrior Princess Angel Survivor! I’m gonna start putting that on my business cards!
Looking back on my story in chronological order is a little weird, but it does paint a slightly more complete picture of how I got to be, well… ME. Still, as Ian pointed out, I covered most of the pebbles that were thrown at me, but I’ve omitted most of the ones I created myself, and I had a LOT of those. Another post for another day, perhaps.
@ Miche: Thank you, Sweetness! For some reason, I feel like I totally connect with you on a soul level too. Perhaps our souls knew each other before? I love that you mentioned that about shining a light in the dark because that is exactly what I aim to do. Even a tiny, dim, night light makes a difference when things get really dark… so ever little bit helps.
Interestingly, Lori just made my avatar from my new artsy project, and it is the flame of a candle! I love it… perfect for the Candle Art, and perfect for me.
@ Lena: Thank you. I see you read the Lou story over at Urban Monk. I didn’t go into too much detail about it here because I already made myself relive it for that guest post. That was more than enough for me. Interestingly, Lou’s death was almost harder for me than my mom’s because he chose it; hers was accidental… just part of life.
I can’t stand the thought of how lonely and depressed he must have felt when that seemed like the best decision. I wish no one ever had to feel that awful. That kind of darkness is what I hope to shine a light on, to provide a ray of hope. A tiny bit of hope can make all the difference in the world.
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Brad Bengtson and malia ramsical, Miche Heredia. Miche Heredia said: Inspiration & Hope: Nobody Trips Over Mountains http://bit.ly/VzdkE via @Serene_Balance [...]
Hi Lisis.
I am sitting here not knowing what to write. Nothing seems good enough, all I want to do is cry and I never cry.
I know we are not to judge what is happening, like we are not to judge things as good and things as bad, but that is hard when they DO feel like bad and some absolutely DO feel like good. As you said, reading some explanations that made sense, made them easier to accept somehow as I kept looking for the why.
Having all this come at you, it is hard not to feel on guard, I did, for a long time I kept looking over my shoulder to check if I could bad times see approaching so I could brace myself when they would arrive. I never could of course and when they came I could not brace myself, all I could do was go through it in a way I never would have expected I could.
That is finally starting to dawn on me, you cannot brace yourself for anything and when it comes let it wash over you and ride it out any way you can.
When in the middle of it, I cannot share, I hurt too much and I have no words, I do not write.
But I can be hold and loved and when that is on offer, I know I will be fine.
Your offer of love via this post and reading other comments touches me, I am still hurting somewhere as we all do and I let the love find its way.
Hugs all round, Wilma
wilma ham´s last blog ..Part 1. Hate making requests? You’d better get over it. They are key to having you fly.
I had to come back to say thank you again, Lisis. This really post really changed my entire day, you have no idea. It’s been an emotional but necessary one, and your sharing served as the catalyst for something I really needed to feel. I sent this to a few friends today, too. I’ll have to email you sometime… thanks so much.
Miche´s last blog ..There Is No Such Place As Stuck
Your story is inspirational.
I struggled to find myself for years after my old life ceased to exist. Doesn’t matter what happened… It just ended. One day I realized I was me and always had been. All the things that ceased were roles I played. That day life changed for the better again.
Wow Lisis.
Thank you for sharing this with us, I can imagine it must not have been easy to do this, and many people would not be so brave as to share this with the world.
It seems that you had a really really tough life, and yet you still stay positive and optimistic.
In my relatively short life do far I have learnt that change happens. It is good to have a plan, but it is a rare case if everything always goes according to plan. All we can do is adapt to changing circumstances, stay positive and live the best lives we can!
Take care miss!
Diggy – Upgradereality.com´s last blog ..Be True to Yourself – Tyler Durden Style
@ Wilma: Remember that sometimes we don’t get to know “why” things happen until a long time later… maybe never. We just have to trust that there IS a why, that what is happening to us has a reason in the story of our lives… or maybe someone else’s life.
I was watching a movie last night (The Secret Life of Words) and kept wondering WHY stuff was happening or being said. But, deep down I KNEW there was a reason and that it would probably be revealed to me by the end of the movie. As it turns out, some things were not revealed, so I still don’t know the reasons…. but I know there ARE reasons. Sometimes that is good enough.
Things always turn out as they are meant to.
@ Miche: I’ll be looking forward to that email. I’m so glad this post helped you open up to whatever it was you needed to feel. That alone makes it worth the pain of writing it and the fear of sharing it. You are one of my reasons, it seems.
@ JR: What you just wrote sums up the way I’ve been feeling about myself lately. I finally got over the idea that there was an old me and a new me… finally they are one, and that’s the best feeling ever.
@ Diggy: The only constant is change. I like to have some semblance of a plan, or an idea of what I’m shooting for, just to keep from stagnating (and so the Universe knows what to provide). But I now know my “plan” is just one of many possible outcomes, and it’s not necessarily the best one!
When I think back on my life, it didn’t LOOK like a tough life to anyone who didn’t know me. It was a relatively comfortable life… I had everything I needed and got to do many things I wanted to do. I never starved, wasn’t in a war zone, didn’t have to witness or commit atrocities, or any of those extreme scenarios. But certain events and situations were certainly tough on ME… emotionally and psychologically.
The circumstances happened to me and around me, but the suffering I caused myself. I now believe I could have suffered much less had I chosen to focus on the good things left in my life rather than on the few that were taken away. I used to be a 2 percenter… even if 98% of my life was great, I would let the 2% that was not great ruin the rest. Now I’m a 98 percenter, which helps me carry the sucky 2% with grace and patience.
Oh Lisis, this post gave me the biggest smile
You not only gave me great advice but gave me empathy, which is what I needed the most, just someone who understood, you listened and I will be forever greatful for that, thank you. My life has changed a LOT after that, you were responsible for a lot of the confidence I gained to do what needed to be done, which was pretty hard. But I am now aware that is was nothing but a pebble 
It reminded me what a beautiful person you are, it amazes me everyday the fact that you are simply there for whoever needs someone to listen and to offer advice.
The first post I read here was about a letter from a reader and you talked about what you told her, that motivated me to write (I would`ve never done out of the blue) I was going through a very difficult time in my life at that moment and I really needed to talk to someone who wouldn`t judge so you practically appeared exactly when I needed you
You are AWESOME!
Beautiful post. Very inspiring.
If you promise to keep writing, I promise to keep reading. And we’ll both be happier for it.
Lisa´s last blog ..The Bridge
Hi Lisis,
This is a beautiful post, with sorrow and joy and in-between, and this is what life is. At some point we learn that our inner purpose is to awaken to the Truth of who we are–and then everything that happens happens perfectly and it is just part of the full spectrum of experience. I’m so glad you are sharing in your typically compassionate and eloquent manner.
Me–just a regular guy who found openness and joy and innocence with awareness and letting go. It’s the last place we look.
k
Kaushik´s last blog ..Innocence…
This is such an incredibly powerful post. I had no idea how many mountains you’ve climbed, but I’ve guess that’s true about anyone. This particularly resonated with me.
“But know this, you will get through it… whatever it is. I promise.”
I had no idea when I was growing up that things could ever be better or different. I wished I had never been born and simply couldn’t conceive of a time when I would love my life.
“But know this, you will get through it… whatever it is. I promise.”
This is so very, achingly true. Heart-centered truth. A hard won recognition of reality.
You are beautiful, Lisis, and you reflect that for everyone. Things will get better, time will ease our sorrow. And sometimes, simply knowing that, is enough.
Hayden Tompkins´s last blog ..How to Get Organized
@ Rosa: I remember that letter well. I was at Chateau Elan with Ali trying to figure out how to do this blogging thing. I had gotten so frustrated with all the parts I did not know how to do… it all gets very technical, very competitive, so very fast! Then I got your letter and I thought, “Now THIS I can do… I can listen, I can care, and I can be a friend to anyone who needs one.” Then I decided I should keep on blogging so I could meet more people like YOU!
@ Lisa: THANK YOU. I do, I do!!! I promise to keep writing. I can’t promise you’ll like every post, but I can promise to share what is in my heart and, hopefully, some of them will be precisely what you needed to read. Thank you for reading along, and for letting me know.
@ Kaushik: You are so right… it IS the last place we look. It reminds me of when we have “misplaced” our keys and look all over the house, only to find they were in our pocket all along! For most of us, it takes some major challenges to come to realize what we were seeking has always been there.
@ Hayden: I have crossed a hill or two along the way. Most of them I didn’t expect and did NOT think I could endure. Some of them I entangled myself in, and did not think I’d ever get out of. It wasn’t exactly the most graceful path to where I am today, but I got here, darnit… covered in sweat, and briers, and dirt perhaps, but I made it. Now it’s time to reach back down and help someone else up and over. Thank you for being here with me.
Lisis, that was so beautiful it made me cry. Your life, in a word: magnificent. Your strength… My God. You must be made of steel to endure what you’ve endured. And you’ve given me perspective. As you said, each of us have pebbles that trip us up, and sometimes we overcome mountains in the end as we look back and realize, “Hey, those pebbles added up to a decent-sized hill!”
Thank you for sharing your email address with us, your story, and tugging at (at least my own) heart strings. I needed to read such inspiring words. I feel like I have pebbles all around me right now, and believe me I’ve walked over tons more in the past. But each new pebble feels like it’s the biggest in the world simply because it’s where my focus falls.
I’ve shared this in my blog before, but probably before I had a steady readership. I haven’t seen or heard from my dad since I was 10. Every romantic relationship I’ve attempted since he walked out has been marred by my inability to believe the guy can, will, or wants to stick around. Or better yet, that I want him to stick around — that I’m good enough to be loved that way by someone. And yet in my conscious mind, it’s all about love… and JOY! So I occasionally find myself at odds, trying to rewire my subconscious beliefs and get over the fact that dad stopped loving or wanting me at age 10.
I eat to distract myself, but since I’m a perfectionist since birth (ha!), I cannot stomach the idea of gaining weight, so (can you see where this is going?) I developed an eating disorder at age 14 that’s never completely left. It goes into remission, hides, makes me feel safe for awhile, and then something pokes the sleeping bear and I find myself in its grips again.
Like Kaushik, I’m trying to just accept, release, and be. Every day encourages me to do so. And I’m hopeful, Lisis! I’m oh so hopeful!
Love to you, my friend, and thank you for being such a beautiful soul.
Megan “JoyGirl!” Bord´s last blog ..A Study in Sibling Reverie
(Late to the conversation and on one of your most inspirational posts ever. Yeah, I’m such a jerk…)
After reading this, I don’t I have a reason to complain about any hardships I face anymore. You’ve come so far from so much pain, and have used it to help others.
This blog isn’t about you, it isn’t about me, but it’s about US. All of us together, striving towards a better, more balanced life. But without you, none of this would have happened.
I swear that I’ll succeed and meet you one day. I’ll succeed, travel the world, and bring you and your family something from the gift shop
I’m so happy to have met you – this friendship I will never forget.
John´s last blog ..Should I or Should I Not? The Curse of Indecision
@ Megan: I’m not sure I am made of steel… maybe something bendy and pliable that won’t break when the strong winds blow (I’m a gummy bear!). I am so sorry that you feel surrounded by pebbles right now, and that you have struggled with eating disorders… I know those can be so traumatic and difficult to manage. But the real issue behind both of those probably has to do with what you mentioned about your dad.
You are absolutely right that the “absent father” issue can wreak havoc on a young lady’s dating life. I went through some of that myself, but that’s another story for another time. The thing I’d like to get across to you today is, just because your dad was not in your life, does NOT mean that you are unworthy of love… his, or anyone else’s. I am certain that him missing out on your life had everything to do with his relationship to your mom, and nothing at all to do with how he felt about YOU. He may have even been tortured for all these years himself.
I’ll tell you something not many people know about us, and that maybe I’ll write a full post about one day… Jeff has a twelve year old daughter from his first marriage (Hunter’s only sister) that we NEVER get to see. Jeff’s mother can see her, but is not allowed to mention Jeff’s name or bring Hunter with her. This is totally psychotic because Jeff is a great dad, and his ex-wife and I used to vacation together with our kids (we got along awesome!). But her new husband… well, I won’t go into it here.
Point is, we can’t see or talk to Jeff’s daughter for all sorts of complicated reasons, but we love her just as we love Hunter. Jeff loves and misses his little girl… the baby he brought home from the hospital almost 13 years ago. It breaks my heart that she will probably have an awful time dating because she will feel she wasn’t worthy of love, but that has nothing to do with why Jeff isn’t in her life. Grownups do stupid things, and kids always pick up the tab.
I don’t know your family situation but I DO know that you are a wonderful young lady, with a heart of gold… one that someone will LOVE more than anything. Let yourself believe you are worthy, and let someone else prove it to you.
I’m sending you lots of Love now.
@ John: You know, all day yesterday I kept checking comments, looking for yours, thinking, “Man… John doesn’t love me anymore!”
Don’t you worry, my friend, you will have your own set of hardships at some point or another. No need rushing into them or creating imaginary ones while you wait. Just know that, when they come, you will get through them. No doubt.
I can’t wait for you to travel the world and come visit me… though you may have to track me down ’cause there’s no telling where I’ll be! But, wherever it is, you will always be welcome.
You are absolutely astounding. I am hugging you and loving you for your gutsy bold authenticity. I think you are a woman after my own heart. If I laid my life out it would look much like this. Different events, but onslaught after onslaught and finally a place of deep peace and inner strength and knowing. It was not the easy times that made me grow. It may be so for others, but it wasn’t so for me. It was the devastating times that allowed me to find out who I really am, that tested my metal and showed me my self worth, my courage, my inner strength and even my purpose in life.
I have sooooooo much respect for you for sharing this bold honest story of your life, and I am sure that this only skims the surface due to limited space. You are a hero who shines a great bright light of courage and hope for others. I am honored to connect with you dear Lisis. Much Love, Robin
PS: Your soul is soooooo beautiful. Just so so lovely.
Robin Easton´s last blog ..Five Perspectives on Death
@ Robin: I don’t know about astounding, but I will gladly accept your hugs, love and positive energy. Ever since I saw that video of you giggling through a whole story on your blog, I just can’t even see your name without instantly feeling better… happier… full of joy. Now THAT is a magical soul.
Laughter… what we all need is a little laughter to get through those not so fun times.
Earlier today I was remembering a time about two years ago, when I was sitting on the front steps of our house in Georgia. It was a time when my dad and my sister were both having some problems and I remember listing off several of my “pebbles” and asking Jeff, “Why would any one person have to go through so many different types of pain?”
It was basically a pity party, but now, looking back, I don’t feel that way anymore. Now I’m thankful for all my “pebbles” because they help me connect with others in a way that is helpful and meaningful.
A remarkable and memorable story of courage told with a rare degree of openness and honesty. Congratulations and thank you for sharing your life’s experience. I was very moved and found myself reaching for the ‘Kleenex’ more than once.
I don’t write about the ‘pebbles’ I have encountered in my own life, preferring to hide behind other interests and experiences, like cooking, and working in retail and in advertising. (And I too have a godmother who takes care of the wrong tense and bad punctuation – my wife.) I admire you for writing the way you do, however, and maybe one day I’ll manage to get my own story through my fingers and onto a screen. You will understand the term, ‘emotional fragility’ to explain why it may be a tough assignment. A small glimpse may be apparent in my post, NOT INDIGESTION. WORSE…MUCH WORSE! about my experience in hospital and the Canadian Healthcare system.
I will be following your future posts with gratitude.
You are an amazing soul that is here to bring hope and love to others. Thanks for sharing your journey and like someone else said if you keep writing I’ll keep reading. Shine on.
Oh and I love Jays reminder of the Simon and Garfunkel song.
Tess The Bold Life´s last blog ..Playing Our Part With Gusto, Laughter and Joy
@ Michael: Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. I left you a longer (MUCH longer) reply on the post you mentioned. Take Care!!
@ Tess: Well knowing that you are reading is all the inspiration I need to keep on writing. Plus, it’s my personal challenge to come up with a post that Jay does NOT have awesome lyrics for.
Lisis,
You have an amazing story and the sun always shines after the clouds. I myself have had and very up and down life. Things really changed for me in 2001. I lost my job in Atlanta, brother died leaving behind his two sons he was raising, and moved back to Detroit, a city I never wanted to visit again, and definitely not live in.
The original plan was that my sister would raise my brothers boys with her family (I have no children of my own), I would stick around and help them get settled then move on (was planning to move to New Orleans, glad I didn’t would have been there for Katrina). I stayed with my sister and her husband for a few months but it was taking everyone longer to adjust then we thought it would, so I rented a house from a friend.
My brothers children are two of nine children, whose mother has been a drug addict for over 20 years, all the children were taken away from her. The children came to me with a host of problems, they were in the house with my brother when he died in his sleep from a heart attack, they were 4 and 5 when he died, he had been cooking and went to lay down, wasn’t feeling well, forgot something on the stove and the house was on fire. The neighbors knew they were in the house but the boys were taught not to open the door and my brother was dead inside. The neighbors finally got the youngest to open the door and they went in and found my brother dead.
I will not even go into the many many problems they these children had, outside of what I described, but being born on drugs, most can imagine the problems they had. Well just before 2003 came in, my sister had had enough of the boys (they were fire starters, violent, wouldn’t sleep, stole among other things) and I agreed to take them. After the Christmas holiday’s the boys came to live with me. I stepped into the role of being a parent of two very troubled boys, and we headed for a life of therapy, doctor’s visits, medication, (they have been diagnosed with some of everything, I finally decided to take them off medicine completely), I lost all my hair, gained well over 100 pounds, went into a deep depression that lasted for years, thought many times I would kill myself or the kids, but I hung in there.
It has been very rough, and many people told me to put the boys in foster care, most people were afraid they were psychopaths, but I could not do it. Now it is 2009, we have been together seven years in January and they are not the same children. My oldest who everyone was afraid of (pulled knives on people, knocked a kid unconscious, put the cat in the freezer) is looking to make honor roll in school this year. He plays sports, raps, write poems and is basically a very good young man, everyone is amazed out how he has turned out, he rarely gets into trouble these days.
My youngest (well what can I say, he climbs on roofs, takes apart toilets, screams and jumps, talks to himself all the time and very unpredictable), but he is wonderful. He is developmentally delayed, but he is very smart, he can read his tail off and has more common sense than many adults. Things are not easy, but we weathered the storm and now it’s just a light drizzle. My hair grew back (strange, its like baby hair, but I have hair), Ive lost a lot of the weight, still have a ways to go, and I have started my own business. We are good and I am proud of my boys.
Jenn
Jennifer… thank you.
What an amazing story of courage and strength! (I hope you don’t mind; I went back and broke it up into paragraphs to make it easier for others to read, because it NEEDS to be read… it’s incredible!)
Ordinarily, just losing your brother would be a terribly difficult emotional challenge to overcome. But in your case, it was only the beginning. I am SOOOOOO proud of you for recognizing that the way the kids were behaving was not who the kids were. They had issues, BIG issues, to work through and no proper setting to do it in. Whenever my son is behaving badly, or being bratty, I’ll tell him, “I don’t like the things you are doing and the way you are acting, but I Love YOU.”
With all that you sacrificed for these kids, I’m sure they got that same message and have responded with wonderful progress. You are an angel in their lives, and in the lives of anyone who hears your story and is inspired to give just a little more for those who need it. And in return, you have been blessed with two awesome kids who love you more than anything.
I thank you, truly, for sharing this story (and I’m happy for you that your hair is growing back).
Lisis
Thanks for you inspirational post and your invitation to those of us who read your blog but haven’t left a comment before. I have no blog, so I’ve felt awkward about commenting when I can read about you, but can’t give that to you. I like to write and keep a journal as I, like you, use writing to process emotions. I am also a grad student in social work at midlife, so time as always at a premium right now (as it is for everyone!).
I appreciate your sharing your journey and thus connecting with anyone who reads what you write. As a person who has led a full life and now as a therapist in training I see that easing the loneliness of whatever pain someone is experiencing is an important step in finding your way to making or allowing yourself to experience whatever change needs to happen.
I like the quote. I also tend to be sensitive to the fact that for some, seeing life as a mountain that needs to be climbed can be daunting. I grew up in a family where achieving the next step was always more important than pausing to celebrate what you had achieved. This, I tend to be put off by imagery that looks at life as something to climb or conquer. I don’t see your approach to life that way at all. I find it interesting that imagery that can be very helpful to one person can be totally wrong for another. I now see my life as a journey, in which I have climbed mountains (a serious illness) and in which I encounter pebbles on a regular basis. I used to do a lot more stumbling and falling when I encountered pebbles. I still stumble, but I’m also more skillful in paying attention to where and how and with whom I’m walking. Being mindful in all aspects of my life has made my journey easier even when times are tough.
You are so right that people are people, no matter where they are. I am an American now but moved here from Germany when I was 7. I then grew up in Dallas, TX and have raised my own family in the Washington, DC area. As I have read your blog, I have felt connected to you, who has lived many places and had identities in many different places. I learned about multiple self states in a workshop I attended recently. This is not pathological, in isn’t multiple personalities. When you are healthy, you have a core sense of self and multiple self states which are natural. Health consists of being able to navigate between them as seamlessly as possible. That leads to fluidity instead of rigidity. Since we are all essentially vibrating energy, this fluidity allows us to be fully alive.
I am thankful for all that you share and the inspiration that you have provided me. I look forward to your response or just continuing to read your posts.
May you and your family be well.
Cornelia
Hi, Cornelia!
Thank you, thank you, thank you for your comment. It is a strange irony that many times readers who aren’t bloggers don’t feel they should comment when, in fact, those are the comments that often mean the most to those of us who do blog. When the only comments we receive are from other bloggers who already agree with us, it starts to feel a bit like an echo chamber… like we’re preaching to the choir. So, by all means, I would like to encourage you to comment here and at any other blogs you follow, as it is a rare and beautiful gift for the writer.
Oh, I can relate to your comment on so many levels. Mostly, though, I want to thank you for the part about multiple self states. I have received many emails from readers who struggled to find their identity because they were bicultural or biracial and never felt like they fully fit in one world or another. I certainly experienced this growing up as an English-speaking Costa Rican, or a Spanish-speaking American, but also as a lady pilot (a woman in a man’s world). I wasn’t one of them, but I also wasn’t like my peers in college, and always felt like part of several worlds at once.
It was kind of frustrating at times, but I have found that it allows me to flow seamlessly between worlds now… to see the other person’s perspective and know that it is valid even if I don’t fully understand it. So, I appreciate you sharing that part of your story with us today.
Huge hugs,
Lisis
thank you for posting that, i know it can be hard opening up like that. i just discovered your site and your latest post had me hooked- its like you are writing about me or to me. where in VT are you- i’m in montpelier. thanks again.
charity
Charity, I have this theory that if I write what is in my heart (just as I do in my journals), then chances are it is also what is in someone else’s heart. I have discovered that writing “for the masses” is not my thing… I guess I’m better at connecting with one heart at a time.
How exciting that you are in Montpelier! I was just thinking today that I want to get out there to see the statue of the little girl in the cemetery. Sounds kinda weird, I know; but people come from all over the world to see that famous sculpture. So, I figure, while I’m here… anyway, I’m in Waterbury Village, where GMCR is. I love it because, when the wind blows, all of Main Street smells like coffee!
Feel free to email me at MyQuestForBalance@gmail.com and maybe we can get together sometime when I’m there or you are here!
[...] Nobody Trips Over Mountains by Lisis at QuestforBalance [...]
Thank you so much for sharing your story. This definitely brought a tear to my eye as I can relate to yours and every commenter on here. Life is definitely crazy, and sometimes a struggle that is hard to overcome. But I feel that if we continue to look at it as pebbles, as oppose to a large mountain, we’ll be able to overcome any obstacles that we may face. Thanks again for sharing your story, as I am happy to see that I’m not the only one in the world who is suffering.
I felt so inspired by this article. And I realized that when I had mountains, I used to run back to the fields and stare at the mountains from afar. It wasn’t until I really got my head on straight that I saw the mountains as beautiful challenges that I started climbing.
The view from the top of a mountain is so much better than the view from the fields.
John´s last blog ..The Powerful Truth Challenge
Your story is beautiful, moving. I am in complete awe of your strength and Love.
Your story embodies perfectly ”and the greatest of these is Love.”
Thank you, lovely lady.
Thanks, Jeanie! I just realized I hadn’t replied to a couple of comments on this post. They must’ve slipped through the cracks. I really appreciate you stopping by and letting me know.
Take Care!