Inspiration: Nobody Trips Over Mountains

October 18, 2009

Nobody trips over mountains.
It is the small pebble that causes you to stumble.
Pass all the pebbles in your path,
and you will find you have crossed the mountain.

*

Recently, a reader shared this passage with me, and it really got me thinking about some of the “pebbles” I’ve passed in my life. As I looked back on my story, I realized, I really have crossed a mountain. Here are just a few of the stops along the way:

I was born in Honduras, raised in Costa Rica until 6th grade, went to Middle School, High School and College in California, and grad school in Georgia.

When I was 11, I went to Brazil for Children’s International Summer Villages… I learned that people are people no matter what they look like, or where they live. When I was 15, I went to five countries in Europe with my dad… I learned that people are people no matter what they look like, or where they live. When I was 17, I went to Hong Kong alone on a business trip for my dad… guess what I learned? Yup.

People are people, no matter what they look like, or where they live

We all want the same things in life… we want to be safe, we want to love and be loved, we want to be able to provide for those we care for, and we want to get through the though times and back to the good times.

I’ve had my share of tough times, and I’ve learned there are no degrees of challenges. One man’s problems are no better or worse than another’s.

Challenges are ALWAYS difficult, whether you are 15 and suffering because your boyfriend won’t call you (which I did), or 30-something and praying for your child to survive his life-threatening surgery (which I did). It doesn’t matter… whatever you are going through at any given time feels like the most painful and challenging thing anyone has ever had to endure.

But know this, you will get through it… whatever it is. I promise.

When I was in college, I lived in a sea of bliss. I was a pilot, attending UCSD, and flying around Southern California like a butterfly in a garden, without a care in the world. About the only problem I had was that stupid boyfriend who wouldn’t call back, or maybe a mid-term or final exam I wasn’t prepared for (darnit, Physics!). I had some hints of depression, but overall, life was pretty peachy.

Then, in 1999, my dad crashed his plane while my mom and another couple were in it. Both moms died that day, crushed by the wing of the plane. (Yeah, MY mom.) Both dads ended up in wheelchairs, and thrown into a life they didn’t choose. My dad became widowed, paraplegic, and bipolar (triggered by the stress, I suppose) all at once. I no longer gave a sh*t about Physics… or boys, or flying, or anything.

Life Happens

Three months after the accident, I met Jeff on a blind date. Six weeks later we were engaged, and on September 3, 1999, we got married. That was a big year for me. The new millennium promised to look NOTHING like my “old life”. In fact, for a long time I felt like my old life never really existed at all… it was just a dream… I dreamed I was once a butterfly.

My old life was about flying in California, and hanging out with my parents. My new life was about hospitals, grief, trauma, and family issues in Georgia… oh, and marriage… a whole new family and set of friends. NONE of the people I was around, including Jeff, had ever met my parents, or seen me fly a plane. The person I was before the accident no longer existed. Very few people even KNEW that person, or that life. I didn’t know who I was.

In 2000, our son, Hunter, was born… then I knew who I was: I was Hunter’s mom. I loved him to pieces, and he became my reason for hope, but it was a huge struggle dealing with postpartum depression piled on top of grief and my identity crisis.

Fortunately, I was still in touch with two friends from my “old life,” Alison (FairyBlogMother) and Lou. They became my sanity check, reminding me that my old life really did happen. I clung to them for dear life!

In 2004, we cashed out our 401K, and moved to Costa Rica for a year. In 2005 we moved to Austin. That Christmas, Lou shot himself. For a long time, I blamed myself.

Six months later, Hunter had what was supposed to be a simple Chiari surgery on his skull, which did not go “as planned”. Most of 2006 was spent watching Hunter either suffer extreme pain daily, or recover from the “repair” surgery in a halo for several months. So… 2006 was a tough year.

We moved to Georgia, to a secluded house in the country, where I homeschooled Hunter (it was not exactly safe to send him to regular school), read all things philosophical and spiritual, and filled journals with a sea of emotions that poured out from within the depths of my confused soul.

In March of 2008, my dad died. He simply stopped wanting to live. That moment marked the end of a decade-long chapter.

I wrote and wrote and wrote and wrote and, one day… the storm had subsided. The sun rose, and I even noticed a rainbow or two.

I could breathe again.

I could smile again.

I wanted to live again.

Just like that.

Now I want only one thing.

I want everyone else to feel that inner peace and happiness.

I am no fool; I know tough times still lie ahead. Challenges are just part of life. But I also know that I will get through them, and that joy awaits on the other side. Nothing lasts forever. The tough times will pass, so I don’t need to let them overwhelm me. The good times will also pass, so I should make the most of them while they are here.

When times are difficult, I look for little things to focus on and get me through: my son’s smile, the beauty of Fall, roasting marshmallows by a camp fire, racing giant pumpkins in the lake… just about anything will do. When times are easy, I make a mental (and often written) list of all the things that bring me joy, so I can remind myself at times when they are not so easy to see.

At ALL times, I want to help others get through their difficult moments. I want to help YOU.

I finally know who I am… a person who cares, whose shoulder was made to cry on. I can always be reached at this email: MyQuestForBalance (at) gmail (dot) com.

So now, October 2009, we live in Vermont. I write what I feel, and post it at Quest for Balance in the hopes that it will help someone else feel a little bit less alone, or a little more understood. The stories come from my life, but this blog isn’t about me… it’s About You.

In fact, I would love to know more about you. If you are a regular commenter, consider sharing some new tidbit that we probably didn’t know about you. If you have never commented before, maybe you could just let me know you are out there… simply say Hi. I would love to meet you.

Thanks!!!

Have you passed a lot of pebbles on your path up the mountain? Have you stumbled over any? Have you made it to the other side?

(Photo Credit)

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Posted in about me, inner peace, inspirational quotes, Life, Overcoming Challenges