Shifting from “Why?” to “Why Not?”
November 4, 2009
I wrote this last week, in my pen and paper journal, because I was feeling a little anxious about something I was about to do. It wasn’t making any sense to me, and yet I felt I should follow “the signs” and do it anyway. I’ve decided to share it here with you, unedited.
*
I knew a girl (we’ll call her Sally) who was four years old. She loved to ask, “Why?” for every little thing. One day, I started to make a salad. I took out all the ingredients and put them on the counter. When she asked what I was making, I told her… “Salad.”
Sally: “Why are you making a salad?”
Me: “Um… I don’t know. I guess because it’s lunch time and I’m hungry.”
(I suppose I could’ve made some other food, but chose to make salad.)
Sally: “Why are you cutting those tomatoes?”
Me: “To put in my salad.”
(I started thinking, WHY are you asking me so many questions?!)
Sally: “Why are you putting peppers in the salad?”
Me: (Starting to get a little irritated…) “Because, I like them.”
(I was thinking, What difference does it make? Let me be!)
Sally: “Why are you using vinegar? That’s yucky!”
Me: “Because I happen to LIKE vinegar.”
(Thinking, WHY couldn’t you just let me make my salad in peace?!)
Anyway, I got to thinking recently… “WHY?” is not a very relevant question in daily life (unless you are a scientist). It doesn’t really matter why I’m making food, why it is a salad, why I chose each vegetable, and why I added vinegar… does it?
I just did. Period.
Having to know and understand the reason for everything we do is exhausting! What if, instead, we just DO. Just BE.
What if we ask, “Why Not?”
Today I am going to a community meditation session with a bunch of strangers. WHY? I don’t know. I don’t need to know.
I just AM.
*
UPDATE FROM LATER THAT DAY:
So, I went to the place where the meditation was supposed to be… only, they aren’t there anymore. When I showed up, I saw a woman (about my age) working with fire and metal. (Note to self: Coolness!)
I knocked, and asked about the wellness studio. She didn’t know anything about it, but said she had just moved into that art studio… she’s a metal smith who recently moved here.
I could’ve just said, “Thanks,” and left. In fact, that was what I wanted to do. But, instead I said, “Um… I believe that everything happens for a reason; there are no accidents. I don’t know WHY, but I feel certain I was supposed to meet you.”
She then invited me in, showed me her studio, and told me she had almost moved to the Adirondacks, but felt “pulled” to move here. I said, “No way! Me too! I almost moved to Johnstown!” Anyway, we talked for a while, and she was very nice. We exchanged information and hope to meet for coffee soon.
So, I felt called to that place for a meditation that was not to be and, instead, met this woman who is very interesting and doesn’t know anyone in town yet.
WHY?
Was it for me? Is she somehow going to help me with my goals and dreams? Was it for her? Is she lonely and wanting someone to talk to? Is it for something else entirely?
I don’t know. I don’t care. It just IS.
We don’t always have to know or understand the reasons why we want to do things. We just need to do them. Follow our hearts, our feelings, our dreams.
*
LATEST UPDATE:
After that meeting, I got inspired to dabble in art. I’ve always liked “the arts” in general, but I decided to start creating my own art… just for the fun of it. I have been taking pictures of my Extreme Candle Meditation sessions in order to create unique colors and textures from molten wax. You can see some samples of my “work” (that sounds so Bohemian, doesn’t it?) at Deviant Art.
I wonder if this woman I met was just meant to inspire me… to be my catalyst? Who knows? I followed my intuition, went where I felt I should, and ended up inspired.
What more could I ask for?
What about You?
Do you get bogged down trying to have good reasons for everything you do? Do you need to understand why everything happens, or why people do what they do? Could you replace “Why?” with “Why not?”
Thanks!
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HI Sweetie,
For me, For you for something else….i dont know…but whatever the reason…it feels right in the heart and perfect food for the soul 
Instinct and going with the flow….such lovely examples of exactly that in this post.
You go with your instinct girl…and enjoy this life
I know..for me sometimes it becomes hard to stop those “whys”….our so called logical mind just has to have reasons…no matter how absurd..but reasons.
On the other hand our heart(instinct/gut feeling…call it whatever..) requires no reasons at all. So for me I try to balance the heart and the logical mind. Not easy….most of the time i get the big “what the hell are you doing??” from the mind….but the heart knows better and says “do it girl, and have fun!!”
So I try and tip the ‘heart way’ most of the time….but this naughty jumpy monkey brain…sometimes does gets upto mischief. Taming this monkey is turning out to be a fun process too
I had that very same feeling the first time ever i stumbled onto your blog…i just knew i had to be here
With Love
Z
.-= Zeenat{Positive Provocations}´s last blog ..Yippee!!!8 Point Plan-Update =-.
who knew i was gonna find my ‘soul twin’ here on this very blog..;)
Over the past year, I’ve been really tuning into my intuition, and learning to listen to it when it speaks. I find that the more I listen to it, the better results I get out of life. The best example that I can use involves you, actually. Or rather, Hunter. Those Lego sets I bought for him? Pure intuition. And you said that they were both ones that he didn’t already have, and you also said that’s almost impossible to do.
It happens a lot in bookstores, too. I’ll be browsing, minding my own business, and the quiet voice will tell me to go to a different section, and look there. Almost always, I’ll find something that I wanted (even if I wasn’t necessarily looking for it), or I’ll find a good gift for someone else.
When I went to New Orleans, that was a trip guided completely by intuition. I had no set schedule to follow, and no idea what to do, see, or experience. I just let my intuition guide me. It turned out to be the best vacation I’ve ever had, even though it was only one day long.
Our intuition is a wonderful gift, and the more we use it, the richer our lives become. Thanks for following your own intuition by sharing this with us
.-= Jay Schryer´s last blog ..The Perfectionism Myth =-.
I’ve always trusted my intuition, which usually follows a “why not” path. Four months ago, however, my actions backfired when I talked to a relative’s sister about my concerns for the relative’s health. All hell broke loose. I was accused of disrespecting and betraying the relative. Now she isn’t talking to me.
Then again, on the phone call where she let her rage fly, she unleashed a host of other complaints she’s had about me going back to when I first met her over 10 years ago. She also accused me and my husband of doing something we did not do.
I’m still trying to sort out this situation. At present my intuition doesn’t feel like a wonderful gift. Nor does my life feel richer for having used it. Still, it felt like the right thing to do, both at the time and now, so I suppose I’ll continue to explore the lessons it’s provided me. I guess sometimes following our intuitions, hearts, and dreams doesn’t always pay off exactly the way we think it might.
@ Zeenat: Haha! I am JUST like you. My mind is CONSTANTLY saying, “What the hell are you thinking?” and my heart fights back with, “I’m NOT… but I’m gonna do this anyway.” I always used to be super logical and rational about every decision, and it didn’t do me much good. Ever since I switched to being guided by my intuition, things have FELT weird, but always turned out great. It’s kinda hard to trust sometimes, but when I do, it pays off.
I’m SO glad your heart convinced you to stay here… for ME!!!
@ Jay: I believe you are right… the more we use our intuition, the richer our lives become. That trip you took to New Orleans, on your own, for no apparent reason, was AWESOME. I was so jealous!! And the thing about the bookstore reminds me of all the stuff I’ve been reading lately about Synchronicity… that there are no accidents, and we get “pulled” towards the right people and books and messages we need to move forward on the path of least resistance. I think it’s awesome that you are in touch with your intuition!
@ Pam: It sounds to me like, although it probably wasn’t the easiest phase to go through, it may still have been the RIGHT thing to do. After all, it has revealed a side of them you probably would want to know about, rather than continuing on imagining them to be something they are not.
Keep in mind, when we follow our intuition, the results may not be of direct benefit (or harm) to US, but somehow fit into the life lessons of another person… maybe one you aren’t even aware of. We don’t create the puzzle, nor do we know what the finished picture looks like. Our job is to place our pieces where they belong, and trust that it will all come together as it should. Thanks for your comment!
Things definitely happen for a reason! I am totally with you in turning WHY into WHY NOT. My initials with my maiden name CUR mean WHY in Latin (I studied LAtin way back in junior high, but somehow it stuck with me)! One day many years ago when I actually wasn’t in a very positive frame of mind, I was thinking about what it meant that my initials meant WHY, as in Why am I here? That’s certainly a good question and many of us ask ourselves that throughout our lives. On that day, however, pondering that was a little heavy and I thought WHY NOT? I had always had to have reasons to do something and I was giving myself permission to do unless I had serious reservations. As you say, questioning everything gets tiresome, as those of us who have kids know from when they are that certain age. Actually for kids I find the WHY questions endearing as they are trying to figure out the world and can make you think and see things with new eyes. Not questioning everything but being more curious and accepting works for me now! And as your story shows, you never know where it may take you!
I really like this post, Lisis. I often feel like I need a reason to do things. I often second-guess my gut impulses because I don’t want to offend someone or make a fool of myself or do something that has negative consequences. I try to act responsibly, always.
This might not be a bad thing except that it probably keeps me from having experiences like yours, meeting someone serendipitously and just doing things because “why not?”. I don’t know whether I’m acting out of fear of negative consequences or if I’m just so set in my patterns that I don’t observe all of the opportunities around me. It’s definitely something I’m aware of and trying to figure out.
Thanks for pushing me to keep trying.
.-= Daphne´s last blog ..The Great Clothing Clean-out Project =-.
Great experience, thanks for sharing. Reminds me of a book I read last year, “The Science Of Opportunity : Being in the Right Place at the Right Time” – Not the greatest book in the world… (although maybe I’m just jaded because the author never replied to my email…, OK, I’m officially letting that go) but it did open me up to be more available to opportunities. I think what you shared here is awesome!! And it is really a by-product of living more in the moment. Making the best out of any situation no matter what.
Before my wife and I were married, we went on our first trip “together” to St. Croix. I had tried to save money on a rental car and go with a local rental shop. We had to wait over 2 hours to even get a car, then they told us we might not be able to get the Jeep we wanted. Our plans of meeting our dive instructor at the dive shop by 5:00 p.m. was out of the question. We learned something extremely valuable about each other from that experience. We both felt our blood rising, went outside and got centered and realized, “maybe we’re suppose to learn something from this experience of be of service somehow..” We ended up helping the ONLY guy working there get some of their irate customers to a shuttle in time for their flight. Anyway, it was pretty amazing and we try to face ever opportunity that way, how can we bring something to each experience as opposed to just looking to see what’s in it for us. It really helps bring you into each moment. You learn to pay attention more to what’s going on around you.
.-= Jared´s last blog ..Laughter is Spiritual Crack =-.
Isn’t it wonderful when we follow our intuition! I am of a similar mindset of you and those who commented before me. I believe everything happens for a reason, there are no coincidences. Thanks for sharing your experience, I find it very inspiring to read true life stories such as this. They give me a reminder and a boost in following my own intuition.
Also, a comment on the beginning of your story. My daughter is 3 and is often asking why. It’s so easy to say “just because,” but instead I often try to explain things to her. Kids have have an insatiable appetite for knowledge, so I do my best to help by giving explanations. My inner thoughts drift like yours, but my responses, like yours, are to explain.
.-= Eric´s last blog ..The Open Mind Test – Part 1: An Open Minded 2nd Grader =-.
Delightful post! I LOVE saying Why not? Most of my thinking has been so anti-establishment (some say rebellious) that it was excellent creative thinking training from the get go! I worked with children most of my life so the Why’s they asked (altho sometimes exhausting, you’re right!) could also be great fun!
How cool that you became inspired to turn to an artistic mode of expression! I’m excited for you – you never know what’s next! Enjoy the moment! You are awesome!
Right on Lisis. I think if we turn our “why’s” to “why-not’s” it allows us to turn an answer that is given to us to a opportunity that we give to other people. This can be useful in situations such as ones like when you met “Sally”.
.-= Tristan Lee´s last blog ..The Illusion of Success =-.
Good point.
It reminds me of Picasso’s quote, “Others have seen what is and asked why. I have seen what could be and asked why not.”
.-= Akemi – Yes to Me´s last blog ..Starseeds: Blueprinters 2 Blueprint Technicians =-.
Hi, everyone! I totally fell behind on comments for reasons that could fill an entire blog post… so I won’t bore you with them yet. Let me see if I can get caught up here…
@ Cornelia: One of the things I thought of as I was remembering how exhausting it can be to try to answer all the Whys a kid can come up with is that God, or the Universe, or whoever is in charge of “The Plan” for our lives must get sick and tired of us questioning every little thing. When we get a strong vibe that we should do something, we need to just go ahead and do it, instead of standing around asking, “Why?” Our understanding is not always necessary for the right outcome to happen.
@ Daphne: I was always too logical for my own good. I had to find reasons for everything I did, and everything that happened. I couldn’t fathom something being beyond MY comprehension. Now I am better able to just let go. I can say, “I don’t know why this is happening, but I know there IS a reason… and it’s a good one.”
@ Jared: That is an awesome story, about St. Croix. I believe there are so many opportunities for us to act with patience, grace and understanding. It’s easy to say we have those qualities when everything is going well; but when you are thrown in the midst of a really frustrating situation, can you still act out of love and trust? Those are the times that really test what we are made of.
@ Eric: If you are present enough to notice what your intuition is whispering in your ear, then you should definitely do what it says. I firmly believe there are no accidents. I’m so proud of you for taking the time to answer your daughter’s gazillion questions. I know it can be frustrating sometimes, but it means the world to them. It’s a good thing they aren’t mind-readers, though, ’cause then they’d know our patient answers don’t exactly match our thoughts!
@ Suzen: You are right, having an attitude of “Why not?” certainly opens you up to notice and express your creative energies. I’ve read that creativity and imagination are always an expression of the Divine Source. When we feel moved to create, we need to just go with it, instead of questioning, or judging the results.
@ Tristan: Absolutely. Whenever we are open to possibilities, we also contribute to the opportunities of others… whether we know it or not.
@ Akemi: That is a FANTASTIC quote, and gets to the point of what Suzen brought up. “Why not?” is the first step in a magical unfolding of creativity and possibility.
I think of “why” as an endless loop question. Children play it as a game and there is no end or meaning.
But, “why not”. and going with your instinct is usually the best choice. You never know when you may be a blessing for someone else, or they will be for you.
.-= Erin´s last blog ..Grace =-.
Hi Lisis,
1) I had to giggle about “Sally.” She’s cute, and totally reminded me of myself at that age. I was an annoying little tyke, I have a feeling.
2) RE: note to self – metal working is my dream job! Kudos for thinking it is cool – you just got 10 bonus points with that remark.
3) I just love your story about intending on going to a meditation class and ending up in a totally different environment. Life is really about being open to experiences and saying “why not.” I agree 100%.
4) Your art rocks! I ordered prints and they look fantastic! Thanks, girl, for following your passions. First, this blog, and now forays in art. How cool is that????
.-= Lori´s last blog ..An Update: My Writing Experiment =-.
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This was a fantastic post and I think that shift in thinking will greatly help people. I wrote on something similar in regards to our thinking and always using fear and the question, “What If?” and changing it to “So What?”.
It’s amazing what a small shift in thinking can do to our own perspective in life and it’s trials.
Thanks for sharing!
Dayne
.-= Dayne | TheHappySelf.com´s last blog ..Face to Face With God : A Near Death Experience =-.
I wish I could fool myself. Why?
Because the ‘why’ word still comes up for me far too often and the ‘why not’ is left behind and I wish it was the other way around.
However although the why gives me agony and sometimes spoils the broth, I still do things despite the fact that the mind wants to put the brakes on.
Hmm, visualizing the ‘why’ as Sally, might help.
Why? See what I mean?
.-= wilma ham´s last blog ..Intimacy and sponsorship happen through listening; how well do we listen? =-.
This is how people respond to my desire to travel. I don’t particularly care where I end up going, I just want to go. And while a bunch of the people I know have travelled for extended periods of time they have a reason (study abroad etc) I just want to go somewhere for the hell of it. No reason – travel for travels sake. That attitude confuses quite a few people but I don’t like the idea the you apparently need some motive to do something.
.-= David Turnbull´s last blog ..Interview with Chris Brogan, Human Business Advocate =-.
I loved your post as always….I have always wanted to be able to draw, paint, whatever- I was the science kid, my sister was the artsy one. I was/am terrible at drawing, etc. but long to be able to create beautiful things. My kid draws better than I do… hmmm…anyway, I checked out your art site- that stuff is awesome! Very cool. Maybe you could show me sometime.
Take care.
charity
@ Erin: There really is no end and no meaning to the question Why. Much better to open ourselves up to possibilities and trust that someone will be better off for it.
@ Lori: You, me, a sheet of metal, some copper wire and a blow torch. I’m sure we can make it into something… wouldn’t you think? I asked her how she got to be a metalsmith artist, and she said, “Trial and error.” We can do THAT, right?
@ Dayne: OH, that is the other poison question… What If? Unless you are a financial analyst, living in the spreadsheet world, “What If?” is another paralyzing infinite loop that always leads to a dead end. Thanks for bringing that one up!
@ Wilma: Yeah, whenever you feel that primal need to understand the reason behind something that isn’t easily apparent, just imagine yourself as that little kid. “But WHY do I have to brush my teeth? WHY do I have to take a bath? WHY do I have to eat my veggies?” And know that the “grownup” out there is calmly saying, “Because I said so… Trust me, I know what is best.”
@ David: You sound like me, in my twenties. Actually, random desire to travel hasn’t faded one bit, but having a child makes it a little more impractical to pursue my selfish desires. Still, I’ve dragged him along to all sorts of places, ’cause I just can’t sit still too long. Travel as much as you can right now, before marriage, mortgages, and kids you need to devote resources to. You will NOT regret the adventures you have today.
@ Charity: I think your son draws better than you do because you have never believed in your artistic capacity… we all have it in there somewhere. When you come over, we’ll sit and do candle art to start that process, ‘K?
By the way, your comment about you as the “science kid” and your sis as the “artistic kid” makes me think you’d enjoy my Personal Labels do More Harm than Good post (it’s in the Personal Favorites category below).
Sometimes I look for reasons why, and if I can’t find them, still trust they’re there. I really do feel that life happens on purpose, and is divinely intended: the good, the bad, the not-so-good looking. (smile)
My mind may never know, but like you said, by following my heart or trusting my gut, things seem to work out just fine.
.-= Megan “JoyGirl!” Bord´s last blog ..$1 Therapy (Awesome Free e-Book) =-.
Hi Lisis,
As for me…I am a “why not” person. Things happen for a reason…even the bad things. Took me a long time to make peace with that but I know for a fact that every day we are guided and given signs.
The key is to pay attention to that guidance even if it may not make sense. I have lived my life with this belief and it has taken me all over the world. As a result, my life has been one giant squiggly line and I love it.
Life is an adventure…not an insurance policy. Risk is vital and necessary. Nothing ventured, nothing gained!
.-= Nadia – Happy Lotus´s last blog ..Woundology 101 =-.
As an adult I too am like that, why, what does it matter, sometimes yes, but most time no really. But ask any 3-6 years old (boys or girls) and why is most important word, as they really learning about life and how we do things, I know so, as I have 4 year old boy,
.-= Zengirl´s last blog ..How to resue leftover halloween candies =-.
Your story reminds me of Jung’s concept of synchronicity. Sounds like you were truly in the moment and went with the flow. I also believe that there are no accidents or coincidences. Truly being in the moment is about being in the flow and freedom of “why not”–the “why” becomes irrelevant.
.-= lena´s last blog ..Using "The Peaceful Scene" =-.
Hey Lisis! yea “why not” is always the best reframe of any situation and leads to more openness.
That’s great you followed your intuition and went. I’ve been trying to look for more connections of coincidences in my life too and its amazing when you put it all together.
Great post! When bad things happen, we can stop ourselves from asking “Why me” and ask “Why not me?” When challenges confront us, we can stop ourselves from asking, “Why would I be able to succeed” and ask “Why wouldn’t I be able to succeed?” More following our bliss and less analyzing everything to death. Thanks!
Just getting caught up here, love this, just like I loved Jay’s airport story…you guys rock, following your intuitions so strongly…I really do try and live this way also, and often I haven’t really known the ‘reasons’ for things until a long time later…
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