Adventure? Feeling Trapped in My Lovely Cocoon
November 30, 2009
This is me, in my current cocoon… isn’t it lovely? If I’ve got to curl up and wait for my next phase to begin, I might as well do it in style, right?
I didn’t want to spin my cocoon right now; I tried to fight it off. But the cold, the darkness, and a few other factors all conspired against me, held me down, and whispered in my ear, “It is time to turn inward and begin the metamorphosis.”
I protest, “What metamorphosis? I like where I am now! What’s coming next?”
The answer, “You’ll see…”
That’s all I know.
It’s been almost a year since I started this blog. At the time I had no idea what blogging even was; I wrote only in my journals. Today I looked back at the last page of my journal at the end of 2008, and this is what I found:
So this is it, the last page of this journal. Time to get a new one. Time to start something else. Perhaps, in my next journal, I can embrace the solitude, the isolation, the sorrow… feel it, experience it, write about it. I could write short stories, essays, poems and regular journal entries. Maybe I can commit to writing every single day. It’ll give me something to do. I can keep myself company.
I wonder if I should write about specific topics, or just let my mind wander untethered? I wonder if anything I write will be useful to anyone other than me? I wonder if I will produce only useless, depressing drivel?
It’s always a little emotional for me when I complete one journal… one collection of ideas from a certain phase in my life. I’m not sure how to begin the next one… the next journal, the next phase.
I guess my next journal ended up being this blog. I would like to think at least some of it was not useless drivel, and that along the way one or two people were helped by it.
I really don’t know where I’m headed next, or what direction this blog will take. I’ve been spending my days doing random things, like hanging out with Hunter, watching Star Trek repeatedly (I love that movie!), reading, thinking, feeling, writing in my journals, and spinning my lovely cocoon.
Maybe this counts as my new adventure? In any case, it is necessary and, as Spock’s daddy so eloquently said, “What is necessary is never unwise.”
One of these days my metamorphosis will be complete, and I will have my new direction and, hopefully, something worth sharing with the world.
Thank You!!!
PS: Even in my pink cocoon, I still have email. It’s a Wi-Fi hot spot. 
Related posts:
- Adventure: Find YOUR Path, Come What May
- Adventure: The Joy of Mini-Adventures
- Adventure: When Things Don’t Go According to Plan
- Fellowship Fridays: Lance’s Jungle of Life
- Adventure: Starting Over
Posted in Spirit of Adventure, about me, acceptance
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Lisis,
In the several months that I’ve grown to know you…to love you (in the deep sense of a soul connection)…I have witnessed something real and beautiful. I have experienced your shining goodness, compassion, and caring in so many ways. I guess maybe it’s best said as you have a way of touching my heart. It’s like you just seem to know…
So, wherever this cocoon leads you to, whatever comes from your time of inward reflection – know that I am always here. And know also that this is exactly where you are supposed to be…right now.
Love, hugs, and butterflies,
Lance
Lance´s last blog ..Sunday Thought For The Day
Dammit! I’ve been Lanced again! Um, yeah…what he said.
But seriously, I think you’ve done far more than you give yourself credit for. I think you’ve helped a lot of people; given them hope, entertained them, and brought them together. You’ve encouraged me (and other bloggers) to keep going when we felt like giving up, and so whatever good we may have done is attributable to you as much as us. Not a day goes by that I don’t find some reason to be thankful for you and Q4B.
Jay Schryer´s last blog ..Grandpa Comes Home
Uh, what Jay said……You’re awesome my dear and so glad we met. You give me inspiration and show me there is a better way. Keep up the good work, you are doing what you were born to do.
c
ps- love the cocoon!
[...] This post was mentioned on Twitter by Lance, Jay Schryer. Jay Schryer said: Lovely analogy by @Serene_Balance: Adventure? Feeling Trapped in My Lovely Cocoon http://bit.ly/7tEFaP [...]
Hey Lisis,
A new adventure is always exciting and something to look forward to cos’ you’ll always experience new things that’ll add more flavours and colours to your life! Although there’d be things that’ll turn out less than ideal, it’d still be a great learning experience so it’s still a journey worth taking. I’m sure you’d agree your blog has turned out to be a great journey for you and I’m positive your next phase in life will be just as great, if not better.
Keep shining!
Cheers~
Mark
I can easily say that your words here have touched my life in only good ways. I have been inspired by you on so many levels. I am sure that you know this, but however you emerge from your cocoon is exactly what you’ll need to be. We go in a mere caterpillar and come out with wings flapping, ready to fly. I can’t wait to see where you land. Thanks for being you.
Jill´s last blog ..Who are you, and what have you done with Jill?
Hi Lisis,
It sure feels like a long winter sometimes and you certainly have to give yourself an attitude adjustment every once in awhile.
Sounds like you are having downtime
Enjoy it!!
Where I live … we have very cold winters… I admit I like to hibernate. In this time I work on various projects that I would otherwise not give the same time to as I love to be outdoors
I still find time to run outdoors in the winter… but then again I am a nut
If this is your first winter? Enjoy it with new eyes!!!!!!
Take Care
Lyne
p.s. If life were easy where would all the Adventure be?
Awesome!!! When you come out of your cocoon, I’ll be here. In less than a year you’ve made such a huge impact. Your expectations have been more than exceeded.
I’m grateful to have met you. Thanks, Lisis. Go out enjoy life!!!
John´s last blog ..What You Can Learn From Tying a Tie
Good post. I’m feeling a bit like a butterfly that has crawled back into the cocoon, going back to work after spending three wonderful months home with my family while unemployed. I’m trying to make the most of my time back in the cocoon, reassessing my goals and plans for the future.
It’s always best to listen to that inner voice. I’m sure you will emerge from that cocoon better than ever.
Eric | Eden Journal´s last blog ..WIN a $25 Amazon Gift Card! 5 Weeks of Contests, 5 Chances to WIN. Week 2
My sweet Soul Twin,
Only YOU!!
Are you kidding…you say your blog and writing touched one or two….are you kidding…seriously…!!!
Lady you in your hot spot have helped a lot more than that…and the level at which that help goes..isnt like any other I’ve ever know. I know your words can stay with me all day….i literally mean all day….even while i do the cooking and dishes…..you leave me thinking..you leave me resonating…and most of all your words leave me healed.
Now who can do all that and still be in her cocoon??
Imagine..in your cocoon when you can be such a stylish little healer….what would actually happen when you become a butterfly???
WOW!!!
Lots of love and hugs.
p.s. and ur cocoon is PINK…me love pink so much
Zeenat{Positive Provocations}´s last blog ..You Just Need To Believe- Inspiration from Kungfu Panda
Thank you for sharing your thoughts Lisis.
This post hits home for me because I am in exactly the same place even though I am much older. After a 23 year marriage where I was devoted to my husband, three sons, home, extended family and job I found myself lost.
The picture I had in my mind of what my life was all about was shattered. I was shattered. I could literally see myself in a million pieces on the floor. And I wondered, “how will I ever put this back together again?” Like a 2500 piece jigsaw puzzle, piece by piece I was able to heal and move on. Sometimes I was aware and sometimes I moved on autopilot.
With my youngest son about to graduate college I find myself lost again. My responsibilities as Mom have gently diminished. I now find myself in the role of consultant for my sons as they have their own lives. They are healthy, successful and happy, and I could not be more proud of them.
So, what about me? I work part time with minimal satisfaction with what I’m doing. Eight years ago I started a support group for divorced & separated, and facilitate that every Monday evening. I take care of my home. I date. I finished my first two yrs. of college in May – taking two classes a semester. I have many supportive family members and friends with whom I socialize. Yet still I feel lost. I question my purpose. I question if I’m doing ENOUGH. I don’t know what enough is. What would it feel like? How will I know?
Again, Lisis thank you for sharing your doubts and uncertainty. Change is good. It’s that in-between stage that can be so confusing.
Mary
Hi Lisis,
You have helped so many people with your blog. It is obvious that you truly want to help people and that shines through with each post. So there is no need to be so hard on yourself.
After all, life is a journey and you are on a journey like the rest of us. People tend to get so caught up with the idea of results, they forget that the journey is where we learn the most. How you handle the journey will determine where you are being lead towards. Things happen for reasons…just be true to the moment and that will take you to the next moment. The present is what counts. So you are on the right track, my friend!
Nadia – Happy Lotus´s last blog ..Being Creative
Hi Lisis,
I’m not sure if I’ve told you (and your Fairy Blog Mother) this, but I REALLY, REALLY like the photography and look/feel of your blog. When I come to your site, the posts and writing are great, but the cherry on the top are your graphics. I just love them and your photo albums.
Plus, I really enjoy your humor you sometimes infuse into your posts – even today, your Post Script is really funny!
I really feel what you’re saying here, Lisis. I never know if all the effort and time I spend on my blog are the the right things, what may come next, or the direction my blog might take. But, suffice to say, you’ve helped ME with your blog and I’m sure there are many others you’re helping, too. I second Nadia’s comments!
I think what complicates things for me is that I feel I should be earning money with my blog with all the time I spend on it, it’s almost like I set *myself up* because deep down, I don’t want to earn money from my blog. It’s a double-edged sword, for sure. OK, maybe not a sword, but there’s certainly a juxtaposition of goals there I need to settle out for myself.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts with me the last year, they’ve really meant a lot to me.
Lori´s last blog ..Your Body is A Fortress, Part 7 – Work with Evolution: a Pep Talk
Hey, everyone! I want to thank you for the very thoughtful comments and emails I have received today. Without a doubt, the greatest part of this blogging experiment has been meeting so many wonderful, loving, compassionate souls. I’d like to try to reply to each of you, at least briefly, so bear with me…
@ Lance: Thank you for all your support, love, encouragement, and especially, for the butterflies. One can never have too many butterflies.
@ Jay: Ditto on all that. I was just telling a friend of mine on the phone, I don’t know where I’d be today if you hadn’t come into my life. I can’t imagine a day without Jay (or, as Hunter calls you now, Uncle Jay!).
@ Charity: First, thank you for noticing the cocoon. It isn’t easy in a world of green and brown cocoons to find one with any sense of style! Second: you are welcome, and thank you for being one of my few, but deeply treasured, blog-to-real-world crossovers. Hunter and I have had a great time with you and your boys!
@ Mark: Hi! It’s so great to see you again! I definitely believe this blog has been a wonderful adventure. Now it’s time for me to see how I can step it up a little, although I don’t know what that means.
I’ll never forget when you were putting together your 77 Success Traits ebook, and I turned in my rushed submissions, that you came back to me with (essentially): You can do better. Then I fixed the article (about staying positive in the face of challenges) and LOVED it. To this day, it’s one of my favorite articles ever and it’s because you didn’t let me settle for just OK. I want to reach deep and put out my very best… something.
@ Jill: Thank you. You know, you also have had a very profound effect on me. All of your posts and tweets are so very real and supportive that I always feel truly “heard” when you are around. I am so in awe of how you keep it all together and just keep trucking along, no matter how many directions you are pulled. When I think of you, I think of strength (and a smile just like my mom’s).
@ Lyne: If life were easy, I’d find a way to complicate it. I definitely always like to stay on my toes and not settle into routines. This will be my first REAL winter, and I guess I’m kinda ready for stick season to be over and some sparkly snow to be on the ground. I figure, if I’ve gotta be THIS cold, it might as well be in beautiful scenery, right?
@ John: The feeling is so mutual. I don’t worry one bit about losing track of you because you’ve already tested my cocoon’s WiFi. Each email we have exchanged has meant more to me than you can ever imagine. I really do look forward to them and feel like the most special girl in the world ’cause I get to read them. Thank you for being such a wonderful friend.
Lisis, I understand the need to draw back sometimes. Life gets complicated. I just found you though and really love your writing. I wouldn’t have met you if it hadn’t been for Marcel and I find that there are many treasures, I wouldn’t have if I hadn’t met him.
Thanks for building the community you have in your year long journey and if your posts stay here, I will spend some time playing catch-up. If not, blessings on your journey! – Julie
Julie Walraven´s last blog ..Clam Chowder — The Best!
@ Eric: I bet you do feel a bit trapped in your cocoon as well. It’s especially tough when you have just experienced such freedom and joy by hanging out with your wife and daughter. I know this phase is only temporary for you too… I’m sure of it. You and I both will come out of this stronger, and I will see you on the other side!
@ Zeenat: I’m glad you liked my pink cocoon. I actually thought about you and your blog as I was adding these pink images. The soft, beautiful colors remind me of you. I really appreciate your support, today and always. You have been such a great friend and constant encourager all along. I am incredibly blessed to have met you. I do often wonder what I will be like in my next phase… the post homeschooling mommy phase (in a few years), when I can focus entirely on the projects I care most about? I look forward to finding out, although I am loving this phase as well.
@ Mary: Thank you so much for sharing your story with me. I know it had to be really tough to start over after 23 years. I also know (from my mom) how difficult the empty nest phase can be… when you’ve devoted your life to your kids and suddenly then need a whole lot less of you. I worry about this already. I love the family I have right now, but I know these roles are temporary. What am I going to be when my son grows up? …when I grow up? It is such a great unknown.
I wish I had answers for you, but I sure don’t. I am feeling as you are… what is my next step? What is the best use of my time, my gifts, my passions? What, for Pete’s sake, are my passions?! Maybe I’ll find out soon, as will you!
@ Nadia: Thank you for your constant support, encouragement and friendship. You are one of the true gems I have found during this adventure. How you manage to shine so brightly, no matter what, will always be a mystery to me. What you say here is true; it isn’t about results, or a finished product, or a moment when I can say, “Ta-da! That was IT. That was the thing I aimed to accomplish and succeeded at.” It’s about living each moment as best as we can, and looking back at a life well lived. I do feel as if I am on the right track, despite not knowing the mystery destination.
@ Lori:Hey, Beautiful! Thank you for noticing the colors, graphics, and basic feel of this place. One of the things Ali and I discussed early on was creating a place that felt different from all the others, where as soon as you get here, you KNOW this is Q4B… kick off your shoes, let your hair down, and settle in for a cup of tea and a nice chat among friends. I love for it to feel warm and cozy (and sometimes silly!).
@ Julie: Isn’t it amazing the things we’ve learned and been exposed to because of Marcel? I think his passing was the beginning of my cocoon spinning, when I realized how many lives he had touched without making it all about him, simply by reaching out and listening and caring. Then my kitty passed away, who was one of the few links I have left between my life today and my life when my parents were alive, and I kept on spinning my cocoon. Then it got colder and darker, and I thought, “This here’d be a good time for a journey to the center of my soul.”
I don’t know what it means, or what I’ll find, but I do plan to keep Q4B here no matter what. I also expect I will post from time to time, whenever I feel I actually have something to say. My days of posting just because it is time to, or because I could use the page views, are over. I’d rather spend my time visiting others at their blogs (or in real life), interacting on email, facebook, and twitter, and finding ways to reach out to others any way I can.
But in the end, I’m a story teller, and a diarist, so I’ll keep writing and, when it makes sense to, posting here. In the meantime, I have just over 200 posts in the Archives, if you find yourself looking to read something a little different.
It’s just awareness…everything else including the fear of change is just a point of view. You’ve shared your journey in the best possible way, with simplicity and honesty. Thank you!!
Kaushik´s last blog ..Saying Aloha to Fear
Lisis, I haven’t been around here long but in a short time I’ve been converted to a Q4B groupie! Your posts are thoughtful, helpful and honest. The world needs more of what you’re putting out there. Whatever your next phase, I wish you all the best with it.
Sami – Life, Laughs & Lemmings´s last blog ..Daisy List #98. Surprise Someone with a Dozen Roses
Kaushik and Sami, thank you so much for your kind words. It really is a pleasure to see you here and just know that my next phase will involve more mingling with genuine, down to earth, kind souls like you.
“What is necessary is never unwise.”
Stop trying to give me goosebumps!
I think the amazing thing about blogging is how it takes you on a journey you could never imagine. It’s little steps, in writing every day, that can take us to a wholly different place.
Happy Anniversary, Lisis. May you and your creative spirit live long and prosper.
Hayden Tompkins´s last blog ..Defender
Hi, Hayden (my fellow Trekkie)!! I’ve got to tell you, I am now totally going through withdrawals because I have sent the movie back to Netflix, so I can’t get my daily dose of Star Trek. That movie is SO going on my xmas list!
As for the blog, I haven’t officially reached the one year mark, I’m about a month away. But, I’ve always been precocious, so we might as well celebrate ahead of schedule! You are right about this journey, though (your logic is sound); it has (boldly) taken me to places I never would’ve imagined. Primarily, I have met the most amazing friends. That part, at least, I can keep forever… especially friends with great taste in movies!
Lisis,
I think you are exactly where you need to be. You’ve been given this gift of time. I love the quote “what is necessary is always wise.” Never looked at it that way before and will remember it when I need to do necessary unfun stuff!
I love what Nadia says about the process. I don’t value it enough. In fact most of the time I don’t even like the process. Which means I’m not living in the present moment.
Everything is OK today…inside your cocoon and all is well with the world. Enjoy the warm and comfy feeling and times.
Butterflies are such a great metaphor for personal transformation! Great post!
Steven Handel´s last blog ..Feel Better Through Ten Acts Of Loving-Kindness
@ Tess: Thanks for the happy, warm fuzzies. You always say the nicest things and get right to the point. The gift of time is indeed something to be cherished.
@ Steven: What do you mean, “metaphor”?! I was hoping to literally turn into a butterfly!
Lisis, I love reading backwards in blogs, I probably would have even if you hadn’t suggested it. Don’t be surprised if I also backwards comment.
I do when I like the content. In the meantime, enjoy your cocoon.
Julie Walraven´s last blog ..Clam Chowder — The Best!
Well, all the original ST series is up on YouTube, but I’ll bet you already knew that. And it’s totally on the level, in case you were gravely concerned about supporting violations of the copyright laws. Also I think there are non-legit versions of DS9 and TNG unless they’ve been taken down.
Hey, Julie! That sounds great! I love comments on older posts… it lets me revisit the frame of mind I was in when I wrote those. In fact, I may take some of my downtime to go back and re-work some of them, flesh them out, add to them. Who knows?
Chris, you are now officially in my will, along with Hayden. I’m pretty sure being a Trekkie should be one of the requirements to make it onto my Special People With Brownie Points list. I’m going to be doing some major Trek revisiting while I’m hanging out in here.
Lisis,
When you share your Heart, it is worthy enough!
The images on your post are great!
And the whole concept of metamorphosis is always inspiring!
Great!
Lisis booo!!!
really liked this post.
chimes a bunch of similar-sounding old thoughts to the fore of my reluctant memory
feels like ages ago.
hope all’s well lisis deluxe
a
alex – unleash reality´s last blog ..You Are Not The Enemy: A Festival in the Desert & Becoming Superhuman
Hey, Boris! You just reminded me of the Goethe quote: “All the knowledge I possess everyone else can acquire, but my heart is all my own.” It is definitely something I have, and I’m willing to share.
Hi, Alex! Any time I see you on here it just makes me smile, ’cause I know you are just bursting with energy and enthusiasm. I sure do wish you could bottle that and send it to me! I love that I’ve been promoted to Lisis Deluxe! Yay for me!!
Hey Lisis,
You are talking to the Queen of the unknown. I’ve taken the last 6 months to sit back and spend more time with my family. More time for thinking, and more time to ease up on myself. It has been time well spent.
I think I’ve gradually turned into a much easier going person. I have accepted that I cannot FIX the world and the world cannot FIX me. Living side by side with the world in unity is right where I should be.
When you get up each day, life will take you where you should be. This I have learned.
Hey, Tammy! You know, I was JUST thinking about you this morning, and about that conversation we had on your blog and facebook a while back… when you were deciding to scale back your blogging and focus more on your photography (and life). I think that was a brilliant choice for you, and you have managed to stay connected with the people that really matter.
I think I need to spend a little time finding what MY thing is. I feel like I write an awful lot about stuff that happened in my life a long time ago, but like I don’t have any current stuff going on. I’m afraid I am becoming Al Bundy… remember him? He was middle-aged, married, with children, and all he talked about was that time back in high school, when he scored “four touchdowns in a single game!” Those were his glory days, and he hasn’t done anything since. He lives for those memories.
I had a very exciting, and somewhat tragic life up to a few years ago. I’ve written plenty about the ups and downs. But now what? It can’t be that the most exciting thing I do now is write about my past… as if I were at the tail end of my life. I’m not ready to settle into a nostalgic phase. It’s time to start something new and exciting… like… hmm… (that’s as far as I’ve gotten).
Thanks for stopping by here, Tammy. Your presence warms my heart.
I hope it is cosy and snug in there and look forward to seeing what metamorphosis will bring us:)
I am sure you’d agree your blog has turned out to be a great journey for you and I’m positive your next phase in life will be just as great, if not better. thanks…
holistic healing´s last blog ..Various types of wines
@ Annabel: Well, my premature emergence from the cocoon (before I’d even finished spinning it) has created a passionate avalanche so far! It’s strange because I actually expected most people would hate the post and the rest would not even notice it! Goes to show you… what do I know?!
@ Holistic Healing: I’m definitely liking where this blog has taken me, and the direction it seems to be flowing in now. Whenever I feel like it is useful or helpful for others, I get inspired to keep going. When I feel like I’m writing just to see my words published, I find myself completely unmotivated. Whatever I can do to reach out in a meaningful way, I’ll definitely continue doing.
Thanks for your comment!