Exposing Our Insecurities to Find a New Balance
January 26, 2010
We all have insecurities at one time or another… as parents, as professionals, as people. Most of us are in a constant search for the perfect work/ life balance that allows us to feel good about who we are, and the choices we make.
Recently I did something a little unusual with my insecurities, I exposed them to someone I’d only just met. Christopher Kabamba is a new blogger I stumbled upon a short while ago. I could tell from my first few exchanges with him that he is someone I deeply respect. He has a stillness about him, and an aura of peace and understanding.
In one of his comments he shared this James Allen quote:
“Calmness of mind is one of the beautiful jewels of wisdom. It is the result of long and patient effort in self-control. Its presence is an indication of a ripened experience, and of a more than ordinary knowledge of the laws and operations of thought.â€
This triggered something I’d been thinking about for a while. So, although I didn’t know him well at all, I took a chance and laid it on him. What follows is most of our email exchange from that day, in the hopes that it will help other balance-seekers.
*
Lisis to Christopher:
When I started blogging, I felt 100% serene and balanced. I had overcome tragedies, worked through a lot of stuff in my journals, and read lots of philosophy and psychology. I worked HARD at letting go of stress, anxiety, and the internal distractions that keep us from inner peace.
My days consisted of being fully present, playing with Hunter, homeschooling him (and finding ways to make it fun for both of us), wandering around the garden barefooted, making wishes on dandelions, blowing bubbles in the rain… that sort of thing.
It was bliss in our little universe.
I knew that others want that inner peace, simplicity, serenity, and happiness. So I started a blog about my approach to life, hoping I could inspire a few people. As I mentioned in my anniversary post, the journey has had its ups and downs. Fast forward to what life looks like today:
Some days (when the blog is doing well) I feel very excited about it. I can see how it helps others, I love that it has a life of its own, I want to see just how far I can take it. Other days (when it is not doing as well, or my mood is a bit darker) I wish I had never started it. I long for those simpler days when only my son had any claims to my time.
Now, morning, day and night, my mind is on blog stuff… either posts I want to write, or things I need to do, or people I’ve met and want to check in with. Even when I’m playing with my son, I KNOW I am not fully present… I can feel it. It’s as if I had a second baby and IT is taking up most of my time, at Hunter’s expense.
I chose to have only ONE child so that he would have my attention all the time. I chose to leave my post-MBA career so that I could be fully present in his childhood. I chose to homeschool him, so we could have unique, interesting experiences and adventures, while developing a love of learning.
What I want most is to be here with him, fully present and available, creating an awesome childhood experience. And yet… I find myself doing things that are pulling me away from that goal.
What are your initial thoughts about my situation?
Have I forgotten what matters most?
Have I taken on a great project too soon?
*
Christopher’s response:
My first thoughts are that it is not unusual for you to feel that way. You may not see yourself this way, but you are now a leader of many people, and therefore there is demand on your time. You are doing something you feel passionate about so it is not unusual for you to go after it with all your might.
You cannot help but feel that the people you care about most pay the price for your passion. Obviously, that is something you don’t want, hence the incongruent feeling.
The long term solution, as I see it, would be for you to find a “new†balance in the midst of what you have become now. You can’t possibly go back to the Lisis who was 100% balanced before she started blogging without feeling a sense that you are under-utilizing the part of you that can help many people who desperately need help. Plus, as you help others and add value to them you also grow as a conscious being. As you teach, you become the student and you grow from that experience.
You are now a very different Lisis.
You are like elastic that has stretched beyond a certain point and it cannot go back to its former size. I think that going back to the Lisis who was centered before the blog came into life cannot be achieved by abandoning the blog. It will be like you have lost a child. The long term solution is to find balance with this second “child†you now have. This second child came so you could experience growth.
In the short term however, you will have to deal with that negative feeling, the feeling that Hunter has to pay for your blogging pursuits. First, I am glad that you feel that way. It is a sign that you are alive. And my answer to this is: do whatever it takes to deal with that feeling. Whether the feeling is justified or not is not the issue; the issue is that it is there, YOU FEEL IT and it is not a congruent feeling.
The most immediate and practical solution, therefore, may mean that you look at ways of scheduling your blogging pursuits such that you leave enough time to allow you to feel that you are not neglecting Hunter. At the end of the day, you can only do so much based on what the prevailing circumstances are, and you must not feel guilty as long as you have taken care of what you care about most.
I think that we can’t run away from the fact that, at some point, we have to set our priorities anew. That is the short term solution. Getting to a place where you feel Hunter is not paying the price anymore. I want to believe that place exists somewhere, and it doesn’t involve abandoning the blog.
Take it as a personal challenge to find balance within the confines of what your life has become now. Things have changed; you are now a whole different person. That is the reason you had to overcome all those personal tragedies and achieve that “initial†balance. It was to bring you HERE. From here you will have to achieve the “next†balance.
One more thing which is sure to be a source of inner conflict has to do with attachment to the success of the blog; it’s because you care and you want it to succeed. Everyone does that. What is important is for you to realize that you have limitations on whether the readers “get it†or “don’t getâ€. After you hit the publish button, you can do something… but only so much. The blog must have a life of its own, but not but not by taking the life out of you.
It is a delicate balance.
The most important thing is to GLADLY TAKE IT AS A PERSONAL CHALLENGE. That is the whole reason we are all around…. It’s to take such situations on as personal challenges which we must work through.
*
My answer:
Wow, Christopher… When I sent you the email yesterday, I was thinking, “What am I doing? He barely knows me… he’s gonna think this or that.” But I felt I really needed to send it to YOU, and now I know why. You nailed it 100%.
If only it were as simple as giving up the blog and going back to the way things were. As if I could throw away my computer, never look back, and just settle into LEGOs and dandelions again… but that is not possible now. It’s like you said, this rubber band has been stretched beyond a certain point and will never be the same.
I suppose it IS what moms feel when a second child comes along, especially if the first was an only child for several years. I love them both, and they both matter in different ways, and it now becomes my new challenge to figure out how to live with the two of them without losing myself in the process, or cheating either one of the attention they deserve.
Is it easy? No, but neither is anything else worth doing, and there is no other option. Like you said, if I tried to go back to that simpler life now, part of me would be missing. I wrote a post once about Old Self vs New Self that I just went back and re-read. There is only THIS self, and where I go from here.
That’s the thing about finding balance. Some people think it is a destination, like you find it and stop seeking. But I know, whether we’re walking a tightrope, riding a bike, or trying a yoga pose, staying balanced is a continuous process of tiny adjustments… being in tune with what we feel and correcting accordingly.
Your advice, by the way, is very practical. Since Hunter is what matters most, I need to first carve out HIS time, and determine just how much of me he needs so that neither of us feels he’s paying the price. Then, whatever I can do around that (without losing or exhausting myself) can be devoted to my Q4B baby. If that isn’t enough to grow the blog into all it could be, oh well. There will be time for that sort of thing later.
There is a time for everything, and at this time, I’m caring for a child, and a blossoming new me. 
*
What about you?
Are you finding that balance between all the things you want to do, and all the things you have to do? Are you finding time for yourself, as well?
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Ahhhh Our friend CJ is wise beyond his years. Indeed, he nailed it. The analogy of the rubber band/elastic is spot-on. A friend of mine once told me that once your mind is stretched, it can never go back to it’s previous (unstretched) state again. The same is true for our experiences we have and the situations we encounter. Once you grow, in any area of life, you can never “ungrow” back to your old self.
And growth is almost always painful. I don’t know why, but it is. Physical growth has “growing pains” that come with it, and there are mental/emotional growing pains, too. Right now, you’re feeling the growing pains. After a while, you will adjust, and the pains will go away.
If it helps (and if you can do it – I know for a fact that *I* wouldn’t be able to do this) then set aside a certain block of time every day for blogging and other online activities. If you schedule it, then Hunter can have free play time (or whatever) at the same time, and you both will adjust to the schedule rather quickly. When you do a free moment here, and a free moment there, then you both feel like it’s taking up way more time than it actually is.
Whatever you ultimately decide, I know that Hunter is lucky to have such a great mom. You’re wise, thoughtful, considerate, and above all else, loving. All children should be so lucky.
Jay Schryer´s last blog ..Acceptance
Hi, Jay! I absolutely LOVED the rubber band analogy. When he mentioned that, it suddenly all made sense to me. I’m wanting to go back to a life that can never be again… which brings me to the OTHER thing he said that really struck me, “It would be like losing a child.”
For better or worse, I’ve brought this second child into the world now. Being without it now would leave a huge void in my heart. Why is it that growth is usually painful? We really need a better system, don’t we?
I think I will need to come up with some sort of schedule (though the word makes me break out in hives!) or at least time limit for my online stuff. Maybe I could get my lazy butt out of bed a few hours early and do my thing before Hunter wakes up (yeah… right!).
I do know that the checking in here and there makes it FEEL like it’s all day long, when it probably isn’t. Time for a little discipline… which has never been my strong point.
I can see that I am definitely not finding this balance yet. I feel pulled between my Littles and my passion at the time. Even though the balance is not there, I am at peace. I know that all will fall into balance at the right time. I know that it may be a challenge, but I welcome that challenge. Because I know what the end result will be. Balance.
Jill´s last blog ..Am I spending too much time on the computer?
Hi, Jill!
Thanks for being here. I love that you are exploring this subject on your blog as well. I think it’s a biggie… especially for parents, although I’m sure those who don’t have kids still need to balance online life with their real life hobbies and passions.
As Christopher said, the trick is to gladly take it as a personal challenge.. to welcome the opportunity for growth, and to become comfortable with the new balance. We’ll get there.
“success” of the blog is so subjective, I’ve had to let go of the idea. I have been unable to get excited by the SEO mania and therefore recognize I have a limited readership. I have stopped checking the daily stats (well almost) because “good” days and “bad” days can depend on my mood and my health much more than the length of a bar on the graph.
If you are honest and passionate and focused on each moment as it ticks, success is a given, reflected in the eyes of your child and the few comments of whatever reader happened by that day, and mostly by the serenity inside yourself that feeds the next moment just beginning.
kip de Moll´s last blog ..Energy Rising
Kip… that is beautiful. The eyes of my child, the comments of my readers, and the serenity in my heart… those are my new “stats” (the gauges by which I’ll measure my success).
Thank you!
Hi Lisis,
I know that this has been a topic that has weighed on your mind for some time.
The great thing about life is that we create our own boundaries. And what is so awesome about blogging is that we create how we want to run and manage our blog. I think that there is a way for you to do both. You can be with Hunter and yet run this blog.
You are the person who is in charge here and just do what feels right to you. I think if you remove any sense of pressure, you will no longer feel pressure.
Your readers (and I am proud to say I am one of them) love you and will be here whenever you are ready to share something with all of us.
Do you remember that old En Vogue song, “Free Your Mind”? Free your mind from thinking you cannot do both. Free your mind from limitations. You can do both…just find a way that works for you. The quality of time is more important than the quantity of time. Even if you just give 15 minutes of full concentration to your blog…that is enough.
I hope this made sense. Sometimes things are clear in my head and they get lost in translation to the keyboard!
Nadia – Happy Lotus´s last blog ..Forgiveness in a Paper Cut
“Free your mind, and the rest will follow” ~En Vogue. GREAT song, Nadia! I approve!
Jay Schryer´s last blog ..Acceptance
Haha! I know what you mean about things getting lost in translation (or transcription, as the case may be!)
This really has been THE central issue for me throughout the life of my blog. I guess because I had pared down my life to the simplest possible level, so by adding the blog, I stirred things up and muddied my waters again.
You know that zen saying about our mind being like a glass of muddy water? When it is still for any length of time, the “mud” settles at the bottom, and what is left is crystal clear water.
Anyway, I seem to have put my glass of water in a blender, so I’m having to re-learn how to let it settle. I am having to “free my mind” once again.
Wow! Very well said Christopher. I am so inspired… As far as I know, I am enjoying the balance between the things to do and what I want to do which includes a time for myself.
Travel Purses´s last blog ..Travel Purses: 6 Great Styles
That’s awesome… and especially great if it just comes naturally, without thinking or having to create anything.
Extremely well said ideas from Christopher. For him to be that young and that self aware is going to be a gift that carries him really far in life. AS for your blog, I think you’ve done an amazing job of building a community of loyal readers. I’ve always enjoyed everything you write and the people who come here and comment. I think insecurities give us a great opportunity for growth and often embracing them allows us to become much stronger in the long run.
Hey, Srini! I’m not sure how young he is, ’cause he’s a daddy, but he’s definitely new on the blogging scene (and arrived just in time to save me from myself!). He’s a great guy, though, definitely worth getting to know.
Thanks for the sweet words about this blog, and especially the community. That’s really the part I’m hopelessly addicted to.
Lisis, I recently wrote an article entitled something like “Do you own your blog, or does your blog own you?” where I attempted, and thoroughly failed, to get a grip on this very issue.
I’m currently feeling owned by my blog, and I don’t like it.
My solution, which seems to be the right path for me, is to remove the passion and focus on getting it done. Really, it means move the passion from the microscopic view of the blog, to the macroscopic view of the blog as one part of a larger business.
Christopher is extremely talented. Looking forward to reading more.
Dave Doolin´s last blog ..Happy Anniversary! Website In A Weekend is 1 Year Old
Great point, Dave. Or, in my case, the blog as one part of my mission to teach Hunter about the importance of reaching out to others in a spirit of love and compassion. The blog helps me teach him empathy, by example.
It’s good to take a step back and look at the big picture from time to time.
Balance, or the sense of it, is not a constant in life, where change is the only constant. Spend time with your son and he will learn from your wisdom. Spend time with your blog that we may benefit and possibly help. Balance will return eventually, as the top of a mountain comes to a climber. But, we all know that there will be new mountains in our future.
Sanford´s last blog ..Haiku-esque
Wow, Sanford… that is beautiful on so many levels, I don’t even know where to begin. “The top of a mountain comes to a climber” is a fantastic metaphor. Everything eventually returns to equilibrium… for a while. There will in fact always be new mountains ahead.
I found Christophers blog a few weeks ago and I love his writing and his knowledge, simple and yet profound. He hit the nail on the head with his analogies and I don’t think there’s anyway I could’ve put it better.
I think you suffered from something we all suffer from, which is a heavy self expetation to deliver all the time. If you can let that go and focus on just doing, it makes all the difference and applies to all areas of life.
Amit Sodha – The Power Of Choice´s last blog ..Honouring People And Cultures With Language Skills
Hi, Amit! Wasn’t Christopher just incredibly spot on? As soon as I saw his reply I asked him if I could share it with my readers. Wisdom like his deserves a larger audience than just little old me.
You know, at first I felt a lot of pressure to post a certain number of times, or get a certain number of page views, etc. Now it isn’t so much pressure, but joy. I find that I truly ENJOY being here… in my second home, and mingling in other places around the Net. That’s the trouble now, it’s almost TOO enjoyable, which makes it hard to keep things in perspective. But I’m definitely getting better at it… a little at a time.
Wow.
“staying balanced is a continuous process of tiny adjustments… being in tune with what we feel and correcting accordingly.”
Such a simple way to think about balance and how to find it. Sometimes, I feel like I am in a war with myself/my ego to get to a point where I feel balanced. But thinking about it as very tiny adjustments, and not full on battle, will help me to avoid beating myself up when I’m not perfect.
Also, check out this really interesting piece of writing on growth: http://www.brucemaudesign.com/#112942
“1. Allow events to change you.
You have to be willing to grow. Growth is different from something that happens to you. You produce it. You live it. The prerequisites for growth: the openness to experience events and the willingness to be changed by them.”
Thanks for sharing such an inspiring post!
Hi, Cerrissa! I’ll check that post out as soon as I get done replying to comments. I love that line, “the openness to experience events, and the willingness to be changed by them.”
It definitely helps, me at least, to think of this process as tiny adjustments, rather than huge changes that need to be made suddenly and drastically. Every day I make decisions that get me a little closer to, or a little further from, my goals. Little corrections along the way will keep me pretty much on track.
Thanks for being here!
I wish I had the magic thing to say, but I don’t. You certainly have amazingly talented and wise readers and your email interaction with Christopher was beautiful.
My mantra is to maintain the thought that life is just a journey. We make decisions every second of our lives that take us places. If I stay in the moment, and ask myself if what I’m doing is taking my life in a direction I would like it to lead, I find much more joy in my life.
Like Nadia says, I know this has been on your mind. Just know you’re not alone, we all support you 100%, and you have an entire tribe of people rooting you on here at Q4B. No matter what you decide, it will be the *right* thing. That I know.
Peace & Hippie Hugs,
Lori
Lori´s last blog ..The Harvard Psychedelic Club: Another Piece of the Puzzle
WHAT?!?! No magic pill? I would write you a whole long response, but I just talked to you on the phone, so I feel like I’m repeating myself!
Hi Lisis – What a beautiful interchange between you and Christopher. I loved reading it: two souls meeting. The part that resonated most for me was about attachment to the success of our blogs. I think we’re often looking for self validation through blogging. When I can remember that success is liquid, ever changing and morphing, with a life of its own, then I can let go of it and let it do its own thing. Then writing and community building is a joy, and all the rest seems to take care of itself.
Patty – Why Not Start Now?´s last blog ..Meaning Mondays: The Hummingbird Edition
Hey, Patti! I’m glad you enjoyed that exchange. I was really moved by it, so I thought it appropriate to share (with his permission, of course).
Like I was telling Amit, I think I’ve finally made it past the “performance anxiety” phase of blogging, to where I really define my success in terms of the relationships I’m cultivating in this community. My trouble now is, with such a great community here, it’s hard to want to be anywhere else!
You know me, though… seeking that middle way, avoiding extremes, whenever possible.
Christopher is one wise dude for sure! You were absolutely meant to send that email to him Lisis and the fact you did makes you one wise dudette!
He definitely gave you some fantastic insight. This post resonated with me on a few levels. My blog was taking over my life and whilst I don’t have a child, I felt it was at the expense of other more important parts of my life. I was also way too attached to whether or not it was succeeding. As is life, a couple of things happened that served as reminders of what’s important (which funnily enough didn’t turn out to be page views or subscriber numbers).
It made me sit back, re-evaluate things, get some perspective and re-adjust my balance (or lack of). It’s still a work in progress but going really well. I’m also enjoying blogging more now that I’ve taken the pressure off myself and stopped being preoccupied with stats.
Great post Lisis. Thanks for sharing your conversation with Christopher.
Sami – Life, Laughs & Lemmings´s last blog ..The Definitive Guide to Being An Aussie
Hey, Sami!
Isn’t it amazing how sometimes we meet someone and just KNOW that we were meant to meet them? And then we do these things, without any particularly valid reason, and they turn out better than we could have imagined? I love it when things work out that way.
I totally hear you on the enjoyment side of things. Ever since my “Lovely Cocoon” post, I’ve really shifted my focus away from the blog and towards the more organic side of things.. the community and relationships derived from the blog. What a difference that shift has made! I went from feeling too much stress to having too much fun on here. Now I’ve got to settle somewhere in the middle.
It’s the tension of opposites
The success of any blog is only in the mind of the person and not in the outward notoriety it receives from others.
If you started your blog and wrote one post and closed it down, it was a success if a person can accept that as success.
What is success? Its defined by many yet its definitions are excepted by few.
As we each determine success and so it only matters to you the individual what success is.
Do what you love, when you love to do it and forget trying to keep up with anything beyond that.
Jon | Adventures of the Fearless´s last blog ..Interview with Dr Joe Vitale – Operation YES
Hi, Jon! You know what’s interesting? I just got through writing a post about success in which I said something very similar to this… it’s essentially in the eye of the beholder. But when I wrote it, I was thinking of that great, big, abstract word “SUCCESS” (that destination everyone aims for).
As you’ve pointed out, though, there are all these little, interim successes as well… like whether the blog has achieved enough for me to consider IT (this project) a success. The answer to that is: absolutely!
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I’ve been exploring a similar question–it seems that as we develop awareness, we may go through periods of deep peace and flow, and then there periods of doubt and uncertainty and questioning. It’s natural, I think as awareness develops, deeper stuff comes to the surface, and it can sometimes be confusing and uncomfortable.
I’m not sure if this is what you’re experiencing. But at any rate, it’s clear that you have a great deal of presence and awareness. My experience is that if I complete allow, in love, I can release and be more aware, and the answers come. There are definitely times of uncertainty and discomfort–but this is my own immaturity, as I move along I see that it is always some sort of resistance in me.
I may have completely missed the point of your article, but it’s clear that you have a very wise friend, and that you are have great awareness and presence, to carry you through.
I hope you’re well!
peace and love,
k
Kaushik´s last blog ..Why we don’t do the things that are good for us
Hi, Kaushik! This is absolutely what I’m experiencing… the webs and flows of change. I think, before the blog I had gotten my pendulum to pretty much stop swinging altogether. This was quite comfortable, but probably a sign that I had stopped growing (at any reasonable pace). I was just BEING… which is also lovely, I might add.
But I guess there needs to be an interplay of growing and being throughout our journey… a changing of the seasons from time to time, to make for a full experience. It is a bit uncomfortable, but not like it was in the old days, when I tried to resist the process of change. Now I like to observe it, understand it, and embrace it.
That’s kind of lovely, too!
Lisis,
I like the way that you share your intimate feelings with us. Thanks.
I would add only that when we find a situation where our passion and our responsibilities are in conflict, something hasn’t been properly defined.
Once we study the situation carefully, we will find always that we will be able to follow our passion with responsibility and to satisfy our responsibilities with passion.
All the best!
Boris´s last blog ..About Tiger’s affairs…
Boris, you’ve raised an excellent point, and one that I think gets to the core of my dilemma. This reminds me of one of my favorite Ayn Rand quotes:
“There are no contradictions. When you think you are facing one, check your premises. One of them is false.”
My passion for helping others through the blog is not at all in conflict with my passion for helping Hunter have a wonderful childhood. The source of conflict comes in when my focus shifts from occasional helping to obsessive blogging (for whatever reason). When I remove that unhealthy factor, everything else balances out.
Thanks for that very thought-provoking observation.
I know what you mean, with 2 kids, my job, various projects/committees I’m working on PLUS a husband and chores to do, I’m lucky to find time for myself. Sometimes you have to put yourself first and everything else will fall into place.
Thank you for putting yourself out there…if you hadn’t (all those posts ago…) I never would have started following your blog and been able to meet you and be inspired to be a better person.
My sweet, sweet, Charity… you were a perfect person to begin with! All that has happened lately is that you have started to appreciate that yourself, little bits at a time.
You are quite right, though, that we all need to force ourselves (if necessary) to find time to renew our souls, regain some energy and clarity, and regroup for the constant balancing act that life can be.
Thanks for being here!!!
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Lisis,
Speaking as a father of three kids, having a full-time job, and squeezing a blog in there too – I think I can relate. Balance can feel out of whack. Am I taking away from one thing, to do another? Am I taking too much time in one area, and not enough in another? Is the coffee machine plugged in and filled up?
And so it goes. My blog has become very meaningful to me, and it’s really become about the relationships that have formed. Relationships that are much more than just a name on the screen. And that’s where the whole balance thing starts to get fuzzy for me. I’ve come to realize that I deeply value relationships, and blogging has become a conduit to forging some very wonderful relationships (like with you, Lisis). So, if I were to give up blogging, it’s not just the blog…it’s the relationships that would suffer.
So, I look at what has the deepest value, and how can that all play out nicely together. Sometimes it does. Sometimes it doesn’t. Sometimes I just simply mess it all up. Perhaps, though, it’s a beautiful mess. Perhaps there’s something in that mess for me to “get”. I’m not saying I have, because I am sure I haven’t figured it all out yet. What I do know, though, is that the word “harmony” is one that resonates with me, as I think about this. Is my life in some sort of harmony? Again, I don’t know…but I go with this idea that life is happening as it is, for some reason…and for now, that’s enough for me.
Lance´s last blog ..Powered By Laughter
Lance, you probably could teach me a ton about balance simply because you have three kids. I have never understood how there is enough parent to go around with more than one child. In fact, I think if I had two or more kids, this whole balancing act would happen more naturally because I would already know how to share my love and passion equally all around.
I guess I was always an all-or-nothing kind of gal… which was real easy to do when I was twenty something and only had to focus on whatever I cared about at the time. But once you start introducing a spouse, a career, a pet project or two, a kid or two, and all the other little things that creep into our attention field as we get older… my whole system goes to crap.
But, like you said, maybe it’s a beautiful mess, and maybe it’s exactly as it is supposed to be. Life doesn’t tend to color neatly within the lines I happen to draw, so it’s all just a part of the process.
I definitely have learned, and continue to learn, an awful lot from you every day. Thanks!!!
…and I from you, Lisis.
Know that what you share here is deeply meaningful to me, on this journey I’m traveling.
Lance´s last blog ..Powered By Laughter
Fantastic! I loved your questions, and could relate to them very well, and loved Christopher’s response, and your processing afterwards as well…my other thought along these lines is what people always say to working women, and that I do think is true – that Hunter benefits from seeing you doing something you are passionate about and that helps people also…and that sharing why you are doing it and what you love about it models what he should want for himself in some form also some day…so it is not just time taken from him, it is time spent modeling for him, if that makes sense…but the balance is tough, no question about that…
Lisa (mommymystic)´s last blog ..Keep Your Sense of Humor…
Hey, Lisa! That is definitely one thing that I find both encouraging and haunting… the example I set. I think, like I told Boris, as long as my focus is on the joy of connecting with others, helping others, and my own creative expression, then I’m setting a pretty positive example for him.
But when my focus shifts to the obsessive blogging, then I’m rather ashamed of the example I’ve set. For instance, when I published my Doug Adams post it had a bit of a Stumble storm, receiving 10,000 page views in one day. It was undeniably exciting to watch that graph keep climbing all day, so he got very excited about it too. Now he knows how to check my stats and checks them himself. I’m sure it was a good lesson in the business side of blogging, but… perhaps I made it a bit too important.
Anyway, water under the bridge now, but I do have to be extra mindful of the example I set for him. It’s up to me whether I model a healthy or unhealthy version of “follow your passion”, which I’m sure is true for any working parent.
This is an incredible post. My life has changed so much in a short time. I’ve become a wife, homeowner and mother of two in a blink. I feel so far away from myself, the girl I knew. I keep struggling to get back, like a forgotten recipe or formula. But I have to realize that I can’t. I’m a new me with new priorities and responsibilities, new passions, new loves. I have to find the best and most balanced me in the “now”.
Thanks for the affirmation and realization that “now” doesn’t have to be “then”, it can be just as good but different.
Hi, Jasileet! Oh, I can totally relate to what you are saying. 1999 was my year when I suddenly shifted from the “old” me to a “new” me whose life did not look AT ALL like it did before… and there was no going back.
For a long time I felt like I was two separate people, because nothing overlapped. It was as if I had dreamed my first 25 years, or maybe I was dreaming after that point. But I could not reconcile the two.
Peace of mind finally came for me when I stopped trying to be THAT me and started embracing the only me that really exists anymore. I guess it’s like Ram Dass said: Be Here Now. That’s all we can do. Once we do that, though, things can be just as great in new and exciting ways.
Lisis!
Thank you and many thanks to this warmly Q4B community.
In the past I have always had fears that maybe words are not the best medium to communicate truth, feeling or perspective BUT coming to know of the blog community in the last few months has given me hope.
With YOUR written word, you are helping inspire and change many lives and I am glad to be one of those that are being changed for the better.
Thank you.
Christopher´s last blog ..The Subjectivity of Authentic Identity
Hi, Christopher!
I cannot thank you enough for taking the time to share your thoughts with me on these issues, AND for letting me share them with my readers.
I realized as soon as I saw your reply that there were lessons in there that were not meant for my eyes only. Others can learn from them too.
I’m so glad you are now part of this community. It would not be the same without you.
Wow! he did nail it … I had a couple of thoughts I was going to share with you as I was reading but then reading Christopher’s reponse I realised he had said it all way better than I ever could!
Thank you for sharing this … I don’t have a child but can definately identify with the time constraints .. I too find that my blog occupies my mind a lot of the day and I am aware of not boring my hubbies socks off with it or not being present when spending time with others.
I also agree about how sharing our insecurities can open up a new world … it can be hard, but I think the rewards are worth it.
Hey, Jen! He’s amazing, isn’t he?
I remember, even before becoming a mom, how easy it was to get so focused on one thing at the exclusion of everything else. It always felt somewhat disproportionate, but I didn’t have the added guilt factor of those little eyes looking up at me like they miss me. Having a blog is surprisingly similar to having a child because you love it, and you pour yourself into it, and it needs you from time to time, and… well, you know how it is.
Maybe it’s good practice for you for when/ if you become a mom!
Great post and comments! It reminds me of something that happened the other day. I sometimes ask the universe for a sign that it’s working on my behalf on a particularly important issue in my life, and a few days ago I found myself driving behind a car that had the license plate ‘Spirals.’ For me, this was a reminder that life is not one straight line, but a circling path with no beginning and no end, and to expect it to be a simple trip from point A to point B is to, pardon the pun, miss the point. We can never go back to the same spot, but as we travel along the looping path, we are always exactly where we’re supposed to be. The Journey is the destination and all that. I’m going to go check out Christopher’s blog now
-M
Melissa´s last blog ..
That’s awesome, Melissa! I don’t think I’ll ever be able to look at a spiral in quite the same way again.
Och! What a small world. I just discovered Christopher and left one of my passionate but as you know loooooooooooooooooooooong replies on his new blog and guess who I find lurking there amongst his new readers? One Mdme Lisis.
Guilty as charged… I read everything this man writes. I may not always click over to comment, but I love the wisdom and inspiration in every post.