The Other Side of Connectivity
February 4, 2010
Please Note: This is a guest post by Armen Shirvanian, from Timeless Information.
“While celebrating that everybody on earth is only six handshakes from us, we need to accept that so are their problems and vulnerabilities.” –Albert Laszlo Barabasi
While this quote was more related to his description of the connectedness of server networks on the internet, and the link to his research on metabolic networks, Barabasi also meant for it to apply to describing people. We always hear about, and know of, the many benefits of connecting with others to build a larger network of associates and potential partners and clients. On the other hand, there are some realities to take into account when expanding your network.
Good News and Bad News Go Hand in Hand
A larger network also means a larger pool of events that you will know about, including negative ones. You will be connected to more hardships and pains, and stories of loss and frustration. These come with the territory. It is smart to know this before you start expanding your network in certain directions, as it can be a real struggle to cancel relationships after they have formed.
Stay Aware of the Network You Are Building
A large concept to take into account here is awareness. How aware you are of the networks you are building inversely relates to how surprised you could be by the positive or negative energy that is transferred to you once you have built them. Remember that each new person or group you connect with has the potential to build you up or possibly tear you down. Look at potential connections based on what you see as their good and bad traits, and see if the bad could later build up to frustrate you.
You Are a Better Fit with Some Folks than with Others
While there are not necessarily bad traits out there, some folks are not as good of a fit with you as others. If you are building a career, you could start to clash with someone who has a 9-5 job, and so it would benefit you to network with more career-minded people. I don’t look to label people here, but people in society have traits that range from one extreme degree to the other end of the spectrum, and you can be much more efficient with those around your characteristic levels; however, always make sure to maintain connections with folks of all types, as socially barricading yourself points to a direction of losing most of your connections.
Watch Out for Shapeshifters
Another point here is to not let yourself be manipulated by individuals who seem very friendly at first. It is usually the case that the people we build the greatest connection to are not the ones who were almost too excited when first getting to know us, while those who are so excited to meet us tend to forget about us the next day. That one is straight from my experiences. Some of the folks I am very connected with today are those who were at least somewhat of a struggle to understand or communicate with in our early connection stages.
That is also why it doesn’t work well to be the loud and exciting person at a networking conference, because any well-known conference attendees are set to filter out those who try to make up for their lack of substance with fast-paced and showy hype and dialogue. There are a few quotes that say something to the effect of “the smartest person in the room is most quiet”. This is worth keeping in mind when trying to present yourself well.
Keep the Size and Scope of Your Network Under Your Control
Back to the original point, when you start to take on a large network of connections, it is in your hands as to how large you allow it to get. If you see that you are having trouble handling the current load of pressure from your network, expanding it before you build up the ability to handle it is a very short-term plan, and can lead to failure. We rise to our level of competence, but we also drop to our level of competence if we overshoot it.
It doesn’t get easier to maintain a larger, or more interconnected, network of colleagues or associates. If you are in a predicament where this issue is on your mind, remember that it is better to have a smaller network that you are able to handle dealing with regularly, than to have a larger network and let a higher percentage of them down out of lack of control or energy.
Armen Shirvanian writes words of wisdom about mindset, communication, relationships, and related topics at Timeless Information. You can follow him on Twitter at @Armen.
No related posts.
Posted in choices, helping others, Life
content rss
Armen,
This is Beautiful. The part about being “connected to more hardships and pains, and stories of loss and frustration” is one that we forget. But that is what life is all about… And it is good to know that the opposite is also true.
One thing is guaranteed about connections, you are never the same. I think that a connection with another human being forms a “third person” who is more powerful (or weak) than two individuals separate.
Thanks you.
.-= Christopher Kabamba´s last blog ..Why the Science of Success Theory is Flawed =-.
Hi Christopher.
Thanks there. It sure is something we forget. We usually focus on the good first, but there should be that other side in our minds as well. The good is still there, though.
Good point about us not being the same afterwards. That point about forming another person does make some sense, as you become a stronger unit than you could have been alone. We change right when we meet another person, as we quickly learn about them.
yes the choice of friends or networks can have dramatic changes on our moods, i wrote about that before too
Hi Farouk.
It can be a huge routine-changer. It does affect our mood, and since our mood runs the show, we need to manage our connections if we want any semblance of control.
.-= Armen Shirvanian´s last blog ..An Interview With Gail Brenner =-.
Armen,
Very interesting post! It makes me think on the consequences of my own decisions and actions… I see your post very connected to what Covey suggests in his book “The seven habits of Highly Effective People” to compare the influence circle and the concern circle…
.-= Boris´s last blog ..Let’s blame the groundhog! =-.
Hi Boris.
Thanks about the post. That’s cool that it connects with his message about influence and concern circles. We sure do have circles of influence around us that impact a lot of our decisions. We end up reacting to them if we don’t get a grip on them.
Hey Armen,
I agree that many of those noisy people at networking events are often shallow or fluff. A good saying is, “Empty cans make the most noise.” On the other hand at networking events you have to stand your ground and make sure you get known by someone. Spending the evening with just a few people is better than running around trying to chat to everyone and just passing off your name card.
.-= Gordie´s last blog ..You’re A Bad Parent If… =-.
Hi Gordie.
That’s true about the noisy people. Nice quote there. I will probably remember that.
Those points about quantity vs. quality sure do make sense because we have a threshold for “quality”. If someone’s communications are below that threshold, we forget about them, and any effort they expended was lost into thin air.
My friend came back from an event with some 200 or so business cards. There isn’t so much relevance there.
.-= Armen Shirvanian´s last blog ..An Interview With Gail Brenner =-.
Nice to see you guest posting more, Armen!
Being aware of who you connect with is important and something I do a lot. I might even be too aware of it, because I don’t like to let in the wrong people.
It’s completely okay (in my opinion) to say no to some people. You can’t be a match for everyone.
Hi Henri.
Thanks there about my writing. I would say the same right back.
That’s cool about how you don’t like to let in the wrong people. Prevention beats treatment in all aspects, including our relationships and health.
I agree with you about how it is okay to say ‘no’ to some folks. We eventually have to, so sooner beats later.
Good to hear from you.
Hey, Armen! Thanks for sharing this awesome guest post with us. I really appreciate you being here today, in particular, as I won’t be able to be around much.
Everyone else, thanks for your comments. I’m sure Armen will be here to reply to them as soon as his time zone is up and around.
Hi Lisis.
I am glad for the opportunity you have provided here. I sure liked the concept behind this article.
For those who didn’t notice, the message here balances out the normally-mentioned positives about increased connectivity, so it is fitting for Quest For Balance.
Taking in all the aspects of reality fits into the beneficial preventative category.
Hi Armen,
Great post! I have read about a concept of our “right people,” which goes along with what you suggest in your post. These are the ones that are a good match.
We all have limited bandwith, so it becomes so important to be discerning about how we are going to fill it up. We pick up the energy of whoever we are around, so better to be conscious about these connections.
I also love your suggestion to consider the quieter people – they may not say a lot, but what they say can be choice.
Hi Gail.
Thanks about this post. That’s pretty cool about the “right people”. We sure do find out real quickly when we match with someone, or if there are some prominent aspects of discord. The time spent trying to adjust to someone we don’t fit with usually is of low efficiency. I like that bandwidth mention because we can think of our energy capacity like that of a cable internet connection with a max of 6 Mbps(or 80 Mbps if in Japan).
Those quiet people sure are the ones to keep in mind. They are usually quiet because they are thinking or planning. The loud show-off is too busy to see strategy being formulated around him.
Cool thoughts.
Hi, Armen. Thanks so much for this insightful post. I recognized right away the relevance to the Quest for Balance… there is a yin and yang to everything, including our connections with others.
I also like the idea of prevention vs. treatment. Sometimes it’s better to be a little cautious up-front, rather than get into situations we don’t want. However, I also wonder if this might close us off to some people or opportunities? It’s an interesting thing to consider.
I have recently moved, and want to renew my existing local connections as well as establish some new ones. I will keep this post in mind as I go about the business of connecting and reconnecting.
.-= Alison | Quest for Balance´s last blog ..The Other Side of Connectivity =-.
Hi Alison.
Thanks there. There sure is a yin and yang to items all over the place.
That is a good point you bring up as to the possibility that being too cautious can limit opportunities with others. I’d say it has to be a guided caution, giving people the opportunity to present themselves, and as soon as that gut feel arises that they don’t mesh well with us, or don’t have good intent for us, we move on to the next person. I don’t think there is any worry of missing out when following that response plan.
That’s cool about the connections you look to make. Those with a desire get their desire and more.
Social comments and analytics for this post…
This post was mentioned on Twitter by dandruen: The Other Side of Connectivity by @armen via @serene_balance http://ow.ly/13MF3 @myen…
Armen,
I used to be that loud one when I was young. LOL Now I love listening and observing more. I also would rather be alone than with the people whose energy will bring me down. I do know that I learn from who ever I’m with and sometimes learn faster and more from “the wrong” connections!
.-= Tess The Bold Life´s last blog ..Born To Run =-.
Hi Tess.
The loud one can learn a lot in a short period of time. I think everyone should be the loud one at some point, and the earlier this occurs, the better.
I hear you about being alone rather than with energy-removers. It is easily worth it to work this way. We have energy, and as long as we protect it, we get to maintain it through the day, while some others lose it early on.
Although we don’t enjoy learning from the “wrong” connections, it sure does end up happening, so it is smart to look at the learned concepts.
Hey Armen,
This was a great read. I have fallen into this trap of trying to expand my network without regard for its quality or whether or not I can handle it. It’s just too easy to think that more is always better without thinking about how each person may effect your life. But of course, more is not always better and in some cases, a few is all you need.
.-= Earl´s last blog ..Luke Duke and Blogging to the Rescue =-.
Hi Earl.
Thanks there. That trap is an easy one to fall into. I think everyone falls into it, and then realizes that a few issues pile up, and then they pull back a bit, remembering what happened for the next time.
More is only better when useful. More crayons in a crayon set is only useful if they are extra colors we can work with. Having 1000 crayons would be confusing and cause time-loss finding the right one.
I am afraid I may have met a shapeshifter. At first I thought “Wow, I am so glad that I met this person”, but the more I communicate with them, the more the become…questionable.
That is a good point about being exposed to greater hardship. I am only recently realizing that I will probably see a lot of friends die in my lifetime.
How does this all relate to digital networking? It doesn’t seem to me that there are many disadvantages to having a large amount of blog or twitter followers.
.-= Brad´s last blog ..Moribund Languages =-.
Hi Brad.
Folks that are questionable, such as the person you have described, are worth being a bit cautious with. If you pull back a bit from such folks, you can see if they have good intent or not.
I would certainly say there aren’t many disadvantages to having larger followings that are of their own accord, like on Twitter, or to a site feed. That is only not advantageous for those who might not be ready for a larger audience, or who have something they wish to keep hidden that has a likelihood of getting out. Other than that, I can’t see much problem with having more followers.
Building a network is very important in every business. It’s the most effective way towards success. The only thing you should need to consider is how to maintain your network cause it’s the most difficult part of the process.