Inspiration from Aldous Huxley: The Inexpressible
February 7, 2010
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I cry.
Sometimes, I write poetry.
Hey, Christopher… I cry too, a good bit. I find it incredibly frustrating when I want to say something that is burning in my heart, but cannot (or should not). Crying and writing in journals get me through.
I cried a huge amount of tears after my dog of 14 years died. You can’t imagine how painful that experience was for me. Sometimes people around you can’t understand why you have to feel that away upon a dog’s demise. Don’t they understand that at times dogs and humans have a stronger relationship sometimes, I know that.
My last blog: Kim Kardashian Credits Her Fame to Raj J
Lisis,
I believe that there can be a time for speaking, and a time for silence. Sometimes it is just presence. Presence in the moment, whatever that might be…
.-= Lance´s last blog ..Sunday Thought For The Day =-.
I believe you are right, Lance. There are times when silence speaks volumes… particularly when empty words are in abundance. You know the old saying, “We’re all together, dying of loneliness?” Sometimes I feel like we’re all talking and writing and swapping words, but none are being heard or understood or properly conveyed. Maybe each person is so anxious for THEIR words to be heard, that no one is listening anymore.
I’m not sure. Sometimes silence is a refuge.
Lisis,
Sometimes i just want to scream…and sometimes I just want to cry…But most of the time…Before i want to say anything…the first thing that comes to mind is..”Am i hurting anybody?”
Building(me)my writing by belittling someone or something…is not what i believe in.
I might find a more subtle acceptable way to say it…and like lance…I might just keep silent!
But, you know me being silent is kind of rare…most of the time..i find the acceptable way to blurt my mind out
Much Love,
Z~
Hey, Zeenat! You’ve brought up a great point, and one that I struggled with a good bit when I first started blogging… that of protecting the feelings of others. There have been many times when I wanted to share someone else’s story, because it was so amazing to me, but I knew they would not have wanted to see it in print. I would’ve had to change so many details to protect their privacy, that it would hardly feel real. In most cases, I opted to write the stories in my journal and not publish them on the blog.
It’s very important to remember that our need to be heard is not more important than someone else’s feelings. If there is a way to respect both, then everybody wins.
This post is very interesting.
Yesterday, i took a walk in the night…I was thinking about the strongest desire of every human being. The obvious things that came to mind are things like happiness and fulfillment.
Then i went further, probing my heart; i asked myself: What really makes people happy and fulfilled. Different things crept through my mind BUT they all seemed to come to one thing.
Lisis, you will never believe this because it is exactly what i get from this post. My conclusion was this: FINDING YOUR OWN VOICE!
It can be in painting, singing, writing, art, sports or whatever it is BUT i concluded that finding ones voice and having people listen to that voice is the strongest desire of every soul.
Therefore, to deny someone their voice is to kill that person. And there is no greater frustration than a restrained voice.
.-= Christopher Kabamba´s last blog ..3 HAPPINESS LIABILITIES to stay away from =-.
Christopher, I believe you are right… and I’m not surprised one bit that you and I were thinking along the same lines. I’m pretty sure we share the same muse!
There really is no greater frustration than withholding what we wish to express. Sometimes, we just need to find the appropriate venue… maybe art, or music, or writing an old-fashioned book (whether it is published or not).
I have certainly been toying with the idea that it may be time to focus on giving that long-restrained muse a voice. We’ll see…
I’m with Christopher. I cry. Or, if I let the sadness turn to anger, I punch a pillow in frustration. Sometimes I write it all out anyway, but I tear it up (or delete it) immediately afterward. Usually, the things that I feel like shouldn’t be written are the things that would be hurtful to people if they read it.
I see no reason to intentionally cause pain or suffering in another, but sometimes you just have to get it out. Writing it without sending (or publishing) it let’s you satisfy both of those urges (the urge to protect, and the urge to vent).
.-= Jay Schryer´s last blog ..My Dream Job, Really? =-.
Jay, I like that idea. I am gonna give it a try..write it and then delete it…Thank you Jay
So true, Jay… I remember times when I desperately needed to get stuff off my chest and out of my brain, but didn’t really want anyone else to read it (and the lock on my Hello Kitty diary was just not assurance enough!). I would write it ALL out, venting, crying, pouring myself onto the page (probably some of my best writing ever), then I’d set the pages on fire in the kitchen sink.
Phew! I could breathe again… just like that.
Pity about the “lost scrolls” though. I’d be curious to read those now!
I love Enya and listening to music (including Enya) really helps me process emotions. I hope to move into writing lyrics at some point. In fact, any form of creative expression helps me process emotions.
.-= lena´s last blog ..Six Word Saturday =-.
Definitely, Lena! It’s funny how there is more than one way to skin the self-expression “cat”. Art, music, dance, photography, probably even certain business ventures… it almost doesn’t matter, as long as you find a way to let it all out.
Hmmm, interesting question. If something is inexpressible, I take that to me there are no words to describe it, and thus music is the closest one could get.
Another take on inexpressible could be the area of taboos. Things that we can express, but society as a whole thinks we shouldn’t. In these areas, I typically discuss them with others that share my views, as I’m not trying to change others, just work out what meanings I can find in certain areas or topics. Occasionally I’ll blog about a topic that may not be generally accepted, I’ve had a few recently on life before birth. But even with these, I’m not necessarily trying to convince others, but rather share my thoughts to generate thoughts in others. So, I guess the answer to the question is I discuss and I write.
.-= Eric | Eden Journal´s last blog ..Valentine’s Day Should Not be an Apology; It Should be an Expression of Love =-.
Hey, Eric! I know what you mean about subjects that are not typically discussed. I’ve posted a couple of things that had people up in arms, or at least uncomfortable. But I believe there is much to be gained when we can productively talk about even taboo subjects.
One of my biggest challenges if figuring out how much of myself and my own thoughts to share in such a public (and permanent) forum. I’m definitely more transparent than many, but there are still topics I’d rather not venture into for any number of reasons. In those cases, finding an alternative way to vent is critical, I think.
Hi Lisis,
I am with Lance…it depends on the situation. Sometimes silence is more powerful than using words.
Did you ever see the movie “Gandhi”? There was a scene where they were standing up to the British and they just stood there knowing that they were going to get beaten with sticks and such. That was a powerful act of non-violence and it spoke volumes.
That said, sometimes you need to voice what you feel. That is where wisdom comes into play…knowing when to talk and knowing when not to talk.
.-= Nadia – Happy Lotus´s last blog ..A Different Take on Being Happy at Work =-.
Hi, Nadia! I suppose so… gotta know when to hold ‘em and when to fold ‘em, huh? Some people think you have to share every last detail in order to be “authentic”, and others go to great lengths to protect their privacy and anonymity. I’m comfortable somewhere in between.
But sometimes, when I know I’m deliberately withholding information, stories, feelings, whatever, it feels a bit disingenuous… which adds to the frustration of non-expression. I can’t imagine what it’s like to be a celebrity, who lives a large part of their life in the public, but also tries to keep some semblance of a personal life behind closed doors. I would think it’d be very confusing!
I totally agree with Nadia (I know, it’s never happened in the history of Q4B). It’s the “knowing” that’s the clincher.
.-= Nelia´s last blog ..The Sticking Point =-.
WOW! This really IS a Q4B first! Mark the date, people.
Great thought provoking post! Wonderful comments too.
Back when I had these concerns I filled many a yellow legal pad and a fat life journal with my experiences and musings. I still have it all in bins in the closet. I wonder if I should burn it all now or let the kids have at it after I’m gone. I actually asked my older son at Xmas and he wants to have at it
.
Now I’m not bothered by what to write and what not to write. I just write what I write and leave the rest as not all that important in the greater scheme of things. But then I enjoy the luxury of writing for myself and about 3 others who read my stuff so it hardly matters what I say really
A Zen retreat was a real eye opener to me. I went along with a friend and was in complete shock when I learned that we were to be silent for 3 days! Once I was over the initial shock and relaxed into it a bit I found great relief in being free of all the stuff we generally feel we have to chatter at each other about. Then I found that what I felt a burning need to say wasn’t all that important anyway. I took that message with me and it has resided within me all this time.
So my method is to say what I feel moved to say effortlessly and leave the more difficult stuff to either move me in the future to a great way to share it or to be forgotten.
Trish, that was BEAUTIFULLY stated… every bit of it. I think that what bubbles to the surface effortlessly, pretty much begs to be written. Maybe it’s the muse, or the universe, or our heart speaking, but it KNOWS that it needs to be expressed.
The “other” stuff, the things we are conflicted about, or that we struggle with, may not need to be said at all. Or, if they do need to be said, they’ll find a way to bubble to the surface too… when the time is right.
When we go against that inner resistance, and FORCE our voice on others (sometimes against our better judgment), things don’t always work out so well. Maybe those ideas were a bit premature… not done cooking, or something.
I’d love to do a silent retreat one day, just to see what I feel and experience. As for your legal pads, you HAVE to save those for your kids. I’ve had an amazing time going through some of my mom’s journals and scribbled notes (that I’m sure she never expected anyone to read). It has really helped me understand her way of thinking.
Silence, writing a letter then burning it and journaling. These are what I tend to use.
Interesting question Lisis.
.-= Sami – Life, Laughs & Lemmings´s last blog ..Random Acts of Kick Arse – Gratitude =-.
Hey! You’re like my twin, Sami! Those are all the things I use, too!!
Hi Lisis — I think those moments where feeling inarticulate creates frustration are great opportunities for us to understand ourselves — if we do not produce something great right now, does that make us inadequate people? Does it put us in some kind of danger? And that thinking can help us see the ways we’re relating to the rest of the world that aren’t serving us.
Very true, Edgar… those times when we want to say something but don’t know how can produce an interesting kind of frustration (and learning opportunity). The problem I struggle with more often is when I know EXACTLY what I want to say, and how, but I also realize I probably shouldn’t. Then I feel a bit like I’m going to implode, or go insane. But even that, is really just a childish impulse… as if every one of our thoughts must be heard by someone else in order to be valid or fully expressed.
“If a tree falls in a forest, and there’s no one there to hear it…”
I cry. writing, walking with music. take pictures.
love that song!!
.-= Jen´s last blog ..Strawberry Fields =-.
Oh, taking pictures is a great idea, since it kind of forces you to get out of your own head and focus on seeing the world a different way… looking for awesome opportunities to capture. It almost makes you find the silver linings.
…which means it must be time for a Vermont Winter photo blog post! Get out there, girl! I want to see what it looks like. : )
Ohhh… you really don’t. Let me see if I can describe to you what my village looks like right now…
You know when they crack open geodes and find the inside lined with crystals? Imagine huge mounds of those crystals in non-sparkly brown and gray. That’s what lines the streets right now, where the old, dirty snow has been plowed into mounds, and then melts away into crystal-looking shapes.
A fresh layer of snow is lovely, but we rarely get that. Instead, we have old, slushy, dirty, brownish-gray snow/dirt/salt leftovers. I guess that’s the difference between vacationing in the snow and living in it.
Now, if you venture out into to the mountains and trails, the snow (as I understand it) is still beautiful and white. I’ll have to get Jeff to get you some pics of that, ’cause I won’t be doing a whole lot of “venturing” until I can be sure my face won’t freeze right off of my skull.
Hi Lisis – What a powerful question. Lately I’m seeing more than ever that I can choose to channel what seems inexpressible into another kind of expression – singing, dancing, playing, poetry, walking. And perhaps the best thing for me is simply noticing. Noticing the clouds in the sky, the rain on the window, the feeling of tears on my cheeks. Somehow that transforms what had been inexpressible.
.-= Patty – Why Not Start Now?´s last blog ..Meaning Mondays: The Purposelessness Edition =-.
I know what you mean, Patty. This is something I learned in my first few years of marriage… not every thought should be expressed (at least not right away). And when we choose to express some and suppress others, we run the risk of building up resentments, unless we find more appropriate ways to channel that energy. Eventually, if the thoughts were important enough, they will manifest themselves in a healthier, more productive way.
I’m terrible at this. Terrible. I tend to get irrevocably attached to the inexpressible and usually create stories (typically involving a heavy does of melodrama) that prevents me from seeing that the inexpressible is indeed expressible.
In an ideal world, my method to express the inexpressible would be detachment, followed by a round of good old fashion action (or as Nadia pointed out, inaction). But what’s more likely to happen is I’ll pull out my victimized card and pout.
.-= Nelia´s last blog ..The Sticking Point =-.
Hey, Nelia! I used to do the same thing… put the victim card. But all that did was make ME feel miserable longer. Usually whoever or whatever I was upset about never even realized I was in my own little self-imposed torture chamber.
Now I really, really try to do what others here have mentioned, and find a healthier avenue to release my negative energy. One of the things that helped me practice this skill was losing my parents, because I felt like a total victim when that happened… but guess what? There’s no one to complain to. Or, even if you do, there’s no one that can do anything to “rectify the situation”. You just have to “get nothing, and like it” which has all the makings of a perfect sulk session.
But how long can we stay in that mode before we realize it’s time to move on? And then, it’s time to find a different way to channel the feelings and thoughts in order to be free from them. Since then, I am able to choose to do so, even when I don’t have to.
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poems, laughter, smiling, touching, silence…
.-= Kaushik´s last blog ..How do we know what is good for us? =-.