I was once a bit OCD. I don’t mean that my house was neat and tidy (though it probably was), or that I was a control freak (though I definitely was); but rather, I had obsessive thoughts that I compulsively acted on, even when I knew I shouldn’t. I would tell myself NOT to act on those thoughts… but, when they arose, it was like I was on autopilot. I absolutely, compulsively, had to follow through, no matter what.

When I was dealing with this issue, I learned that OCD people live in an imaginary world that is Beyond Reasonable Doubt. Some doubts, of course, are reasonable and prudent.

For instance:

I just cut raw chicken on the counter, so I should disinfect it. (Reasonable)

I need to disinfect the counter every 30 minutes because there MIGHT be germs on it. (OCD)

Or:

I wonder if I locked the door (or turned off the oven) before I left? (Reasonable)

I can’t leave my house without checking the lock (or oven) 17 times, because I MIGHT forget one of those times. (OCD)

Reasonable doubt keeps us alive and well.

Then there is the paralyzing world of doubts that are WAY beyond reason… “what if this or that (highly unlikely scenario) happens? I need to go to great lengths to avoid that catastrophe.” When this is your thought process, you end up not living at all, because fear and compulsive behaviors keep you from enjoying ANYTHING.

But at the other end of the spectrum, the pendulum swings to the OPPOSITE of OCD, careless risk-taking.

When this happens, people are not even concerned with reasonable doubts, because they get so caught up in their pleasure seeking, and narcissistic goals, they start to believe the rules of mere mortals don’t apply to them. They imagine things like, “I’m special, extraordinary, smarter, stronger, better, richer… and therefore, these things (that happen on a fairly regular basis to other people) will NOT happen to me.”

Recently I watched Everest: Beyond the Limits, and was struck by how many times I heard people say, “If I had only known THIS would be the price I had to pay (losing fingers, or toes, or friends), I never would have come.”

Really?!

Because I’m not even a climber, I’ve just watched a few Everest specials on TV, and even I know that every climbing season people on Everest lose fingers and toes to frostbite, get pulmonary or cerebral edema, suffer snow blindness, and any number of other things… and these are the (lucky) ones who survive their summit attempts.

Everest is, for all intents and purposes, the world’s highest graveyard; it is covered in bodies of climbers that cannot be recovered. This is not a big secret… it’s pretty well documented.

You didn’t KNOW? Or you didn’t think it would happen to YOU?

Those are two very different things.

This week I watched Tiger Woods deliver his staged press conference on the issue of his affairs. He admitted that he had come to believe he didn’t have to play by the same rules that apply to everyone else. He thought he could just act on selfish impulse, without worrying about consequences.

I guess if he had KNOWN his affairs would destroy his family, and the professional image he worked so hard to achieve, he might’ve kept it in his pants.

Really?! A smart guy, like Tiger, didn’t do the simple “what if” scenario, following his actions through to their logical conclusions? Or maybe he did, and just didn’t care enough about the outcome… but that’s not likely. He thought, “OTHERS get caught, but not me. I’m Tiger Woods.”

But he did get caught, and shattered a bunch of hearts in the process.

Why in the world would he do that?

Granted, some risks beyond “normal” tolerance must be taken for progress to be made in all sorts of fields. But, it seems to me, total carelessness and disregard for others, in the pursuit of one’s own pleasure or glory, is a recipe for disaster and regret.

What do you think?

How do we know what “reasonable” doubts are? Have you ever felt trapped by worries or concerns that were WAY beyond what others considered reasonable?

How much risk-taking is healthy and normal? Do you engage in behaviors you KNOW could cost you dearly, thinking you probably won’t get caught? (I don’t actually expect you to confess them here, by the way.)

How do we find the balance between too much risk, and not enough?

How do we know when we’ve gone too far?

Are some obsessions better than others?

(Photo Credit)

OCD: The Pendulum of Caution, Risk, and Reasonable Doubt is a post from: Quest for Balance

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Last Wednesday I started this series of Road to Freedom Updates, in order to keep you involved in the more practical side of our big decision to leave the rat race with no Plan B. In case you missed it, you may want to check out RTF Update #1 first.

The biggest news I have for you is that our road trip will officially begin today! Around lunch time we will embark on the first leg of the trip, from Georgia to North Carolina. We had originally planned to leave tomorrow, but the extraordinary kindness of friends allowed us to get a head start and spend an extra day with Nadia in New York City! So…

Start spreading the news: We’re leaving TODAY!!!

This means, of course, that starting this afternoon I may not be able to reply to comments as quickly as I normally do. But I hope you will still stop by and leave me your thoughts, questions or suggestions, because I will be checking them and replying as soon as I can.

Road to Freedom Update #2:

1. Frugality – The minute it became official that we would no longer have an income, something clicked in my brain, switching over to “SURVIVAL” mode. The first thing to go, as I mentioned last time, was my coffee creamer. After years of indulging in coffee that tastes like dessert, I started using milk instead. After a day or so, I switched to black coffee with sugar. Now I know why spices were more valuable than gold in ancient times… they can make anything palatable.

For more ideas of simple ways to cut back on costs and make every penny stretch as far as it can, I contacted my friend Sherri (from Serene Journey). I don’t know anyone who knows more about frugality than she does, so I’ve asked her to put together some of her most practical and useful tips to help us out.

She was out of town when I asked her, but as soon as I get her advice, I will share it with you. I’m assuming I’m not the only one who could benefit from learning how to make limited funds last a little longer.

2. Theft – My next door neighbors have had a vegetable garden since early spring. I never even thought much about it, other than what a neat project it was for the girls. Well, the other night I felt like Peter Rabbit stealing produce from Mr. McGregor’s garden.

I could see from the road that several tomatoes were incredibly ripe, and I knew the neighbors were gone on a week-long vacation. I thought about this food source just going to waste, rotting on the vine, and couldn’t stand it; so I went and picked them instead.

Now, in truth, I know she won’t mind because we are actually fairly close. But it was interesting to me to note the change in my way of thinking, from taking food for granted to… well, “stealing” from my neighbor’s garden because no food should go to waste.

It’s easier for me to appreciate some of the things people do out of desperation when they have been without food or income for a while. We really shouldn’t judge, unless we’ve walked a mile in their shoes. Our circumstances can greatly affect the way we see the world, and the choices we make.

3. Laziness – Up until recently, I always bought canned beans because they are so much more convenient than the MUCH cheaper dry beans. Without any forethought or planning, beans are always right there, ready to go.

Well, I’ve gotten over my laziness and now I’m cooking legumes the old fashioned way… sort through them, rinse them, and cook them slowly for what seems like an eternity. For the price of one can, I now get the equivalent of five or six cans.

I also used to buy my produce at the grocery store because it was easier than getting some things there, then driving to the curbside market to get the cheaper, locally grown produce (even though it tastes much better). We’ve dropped that habit, along with using the air conditioner or clothes dryer for every little thing. I can dry my sheets and towels outside, and we can tolerate feeling a little uncomfortable from the heat, just like we do when we go to the beach.

I must reiterate what I said last week: I should have been doing these things all along. Comfort and laziness made me wasteful.

Bottom Line: If we had this decision to make over again, would we do it? 100% YES.

What about YOU?

Have you been more wasteful than you need to be? Do you have your own frugality tips to help us stretch every penny?

Thanks!!!

Road to Freedom Update #2: Rethinking the Basics is a post from: Quest for Balance

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1. The three of you who STILL don’t know Zen Habits should really check it out.

2. To make up for my karma of being a total Leo-doubter in the beginning.

Yes, it’s true… at first I didn’t “get” why Zen Habits was such a big deal in the world of Personal Development blogging. I skimmed a few posts, found some common themes, and thought, “Well it’s OK, but it’s not all that.” But I was wrong. It really IS all that, and lately I’ve become quite the Zen Habits groupie (a fact I’m sure Leo is completely oblivious to).

So, be warned: This post is a Leo Love Fest.

By all accounts, Leo is either a really great, down to earth, altruistic guy, or a fantastically believable poseur. Regardless of which is the case (I’m pretty sure it’s the first!), he deserves a lot of credit for what he has achieved and for the value he continually provides for the rest of us.

Zen Habits has an astounding collection of articles to help us simplify, get more done, and find happiness. He should know–he seems to have done all three quite well. This is saying a lot for a guy with SIX KIDS! I can’t believe the word simple is even in his vocabulary. If HE can live simply, Lord knows WE can!

His lifestyle, his writing, his approach to blogging, and his intentions all inspire me… he teaches by example. And one of the major things he has successfully incorporated into his previously sedentary life is exercise… my albatross. I have yet to conquer that beast. I just have NOT been able to get motivated to do it; I don’t enjoy it. I’m seemingly healthy (according to my doctors), I don’t need to lose weight, and I’m not vain enough to want the most perfect body possible. Good enough is good enough for me.

And yet, I know I should do it. Leo constantly reminds me (well… us, really) that I need to start exercising. Which is why when he put together The Essential Motivation Handbook, I sat up and took notice. This isn’t stated anywhere in the book, but I’m pretty sure I was the Muse that inspired this masterpiece! The table of contents is all about me (and… everyone else who can’t quite get motivated!). I’m going to post it here, with my key chapters in bold, because Leo has already made it perfectly clear his work is UNcopyrighted:

THE ESSENTIAL MOTIVATION HANDBOOK: TABLE OF CONTENTS

1. How To Motivate Yourself

2. The Only Two Secrets to Motivating Yourself You’ll Ever Need

3. A Guide to Beating the Fears That Are Holding You Back

4. Task Ninja: Form the Action Habit

5. Top 20 Motivation Hacks

6. The Ultimate Guide to Motivation – How to Achieve Any Goal

7. Progress, Progress, Progress! 5 Tips To Keep You Moving Forward

8. 7 Steps to Turn Your Self-Improvement Desires Into Reality

9. 25 Killer Actions to Boost Your Self-Confidence

10. 6 Small Things You Can Do When You Lack Discipline

11. 16 Ways to Motivate Yourself When You’re in a Slump

12. 5 Tips For Motivational Recovery

13. The Magical Power of Focus

14. 10 Ways to Beat the “Can’t Get No Satisfaction” Syndrome

15. 30 Incredible Places to Turn When You Need Inspiration

16. How To Deal With Negative Feedback

17. How to Doggedly Pursue Your Dreams in the Face of Naysayers

18. Achieve Your Dreams Despite Pressures of Work and Family

19. Why You Should Celebrate Your Mistakes

20. How to Actually Execute Your To-do List

21. The Yin And Yang Of Persistence

22. Enduring the Valley to Get to Success

23. How To Relax And Why It’s So Important (<— This one I’ve mastered!)

24. The Simple Guide To Single-Tasking Success

25. Stop Reading About It and Do It

If The Essential Motivation Handbook doesn’t get me motivated to exercise, I’m moving to Guam to hire Leo as my personal trainer. I’ve added this book to my sidebar as a constant reminder to myself, and to make it available to anyone else who might find value in it. Please note that if you buy it from my link, I’ll earn a commission on the sale. So don’t buy it here unless you’d like to support Quest for Balance (me!).

What’s been your experience with Zen Habits? Are you in need of motivation, too? If you’ve read The Essential Motivation Handbook, please stop by and let us know what you think.

Thanks!

Fellowship Fridays: LEOpalooza! The Essential Motivation Handbook is a post from: Quest for Balance

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You have three and a half years left to live… at the most, maybe less. December 21, 2012, is 1,248 days away. Some say that will be the end of time.

What if they are right?

This sort of information is kind of like a cancer diagnosis, when the doctors announce you have a certain number of days left to live. If they are right, you’ve got to make the most of your final days on this earth. But they could be wrong… or you could beat the “terminal” cancer, like Lance Armstrong did. So you can’t just go nuts, live irresponsibly, and blow all your life savings.

If you knew for certain that your life would end in three-and-a-half years, what would you do differently? What would you want to make sure you do in that time?

Can you say there is NOTHING you would change? THIS is exactly the life you would be living? If so, I congratulate and greatly admire you.

If not… why are you wasting your precious life? Why are you taking it for granted that you have years and years left to live, and assuming you can put off being happy a while longer? Why don’t you realize you may not even have three-and-a-half years left? You may not live to see next month. Fate is an indiscriminate hunter who is not at all interested in your schedule and plans.

I’m not trying to be all doom-and-gloom, and I don’t really need to hear your answers… but YOU do.

STOP taking your life for granted.

Create the life you want, today.

Good Luck!

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Tuesdays through Thursdays, comments are closed on Quest for Balance (here’s why). Feel free to contact me directly at:

MyQuestForBalance (at) gmail (dot) com.

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2012: The End of the World as We Know It? is a post from: Quest for Balance

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Jeff and I have been married for almost ten years, and I guess you could say we’re “happily married”. I really don’t have any point of comparison because Jeff is my first husband. But I don’t even remotely want a divorce and, as far as I know, neither does he… so, for the time being, I’d say ours counts as a happy marriage.

But there was a time, in our first few years, when I nearly divorced him… because of a coloring book incident. Yup, a coloring book.

Hunter and I went to San Diego to visit Ali for a week. Jeff stayed in Georgia because he had to work. One night I called his cell phone, expecting to find him home and ready for bed, when I heard a woman’s voice in the background. “Who’s that?” I asked, as casually as I could manage.

“Oh, that’s Alyssa… you know, from work; I am at her house.”

Well… THERE was something I did not expect to hear. “Oh yeah?” I said, pretending my heart wasn’t racing.

“I was out with Joe, and he recently started dating her. So we stopped by here.”

“OH, OK… your FRIEND is dating her.” I was a little relieved to hear this, but not entirely because, a few years before meeting Jeff, I had been through something similar. Only that guy, Prince Charming, was actually sleeping with a bunch of women who he SAID were dating his friends. Or, maybe they were dating his friends, but that didn’t stop him from sleeping with them anyway. I never knew it, though. I trusted him blindly, like an idiot, and found out about it only AFTER the relationship ended.

“But,” I kept telling myself, “that was Prince Charming; he was a liar, a sociopath, a cruel and heartless jerk! Surely Jeff is different… he’s a nice guy.” I was rationalizing… or was I being naive again? This debate continued in my head during the entire San Diego trip and even after I got home, but I didn’t let Jeff know. After all, he hadn’t done anything wrong… that I could prove.

Then one day I was cleaning Hunter’s closet and found his Thomas the Tank Engine coloring book. I flipped through it, trying to decide if I should keep it or trash it, and found this note scribbled in pretty hand-writing:

“Hunter, thanks for letting me color in your book! Love, Alyssa“

My heart sank.

Oh… no… she… di’n't. This was straight out of “Fatal Attraction,” not only coming over to seduce my husband while I’m away, but leaving a note for ME to find among my son’s treasured belongings?! “How sick is SHE?” I remember thinking, “Whatever happened to trying not to be found out when you are screwing someone’s husband in their own house?” Obviously, she was trying to make a point: she was not going to be ignored.

The Confrontation

“What the (any expletive will do) is THIS?!” I demanded, showing him the note.

“I don’t know,” he said rather simply, all things considered.

“Really?! So, it’s just some weird coincidence that your friend’s girlfriend, your co-worker, was coloring in Hunter’s book here while Hunter and I were in San Diego?”

Still in an innocent, yet confused, tone he replied, “She’s never been here; I don’t know how that happened.”

This was Jeff’s response, and it was fairly convincing. But still, the evidence was in my hands! We went back and forth on the issue for WAY too long, with me refusing to believe his feeble excuses (determined not to fall for it again), and Jeff totally confused about how and, more importantly, WHY she got into our house and colored in Hunter’s book.

Tensions were running high, and time was running out. Jeff was trying to find a reasonable explanation for something that seemed completely UNreasonable. I was trying to muster the courage to pack my stuff and leave for good, with Hunter in tow.

“Wait!” Jeff broke the angst-ridden silence. “Wasn’t there a girl named Alyssa at your uncle’s house in New York, when we visited last month?”

“WHAT?!” I thought he was really stretching things to find an excuse. But he was serious when he said, “In New York… your niece was playing with another little girl and I think they were coloring!”

Just to humor him, since he was so adamant (and I really wanted a valid reason NOT to leave) I called my sister and asked her the name of the girl my niece had played with. When she responded, “Alyssa,” I heard a choir of angels sing, and all the tension was instantly lifted. “Hallelujah,” I thought, “he was telling the truth!”

Needless to say, I felt like an idiot. But more importantly, I couldn’t believe that my marriage almost ended over a misunderstanding about a coloring book! Granted, there was some left-over paranoia about being cheated on, but still… the whole incident happened because I jumped to conclusions.

We’ve never had another big fight since then, and I’ve never considered packing my bags since that night. I don’t jump to conclusions anymore. I don’t worry about being vulnerable anymore. I don’t expect the worst from him… I trust him.

As I was remembering this story the other day, I got to thinking… I wonder how many good relationships have ended over misunderstandings, jumping to conclusions, failed communications, and strange coincidences? Or how many long and drawn out arguments between couples or families are based entirely on false assumptions, when maybe there isn’t any REAL issue to argue about?

In our desperate desire to be right and to never get hurt again, I wonder how many of us make these stupid and careless mistakes that can cost us what we value most?

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Tuesdays through Thursdays, comments are closed on Quest for Balance (here’s why). Feel free to contact me directly at:

MyQuestForBalance (at) gmail (dot) com.

Thanks!!!

The Danger of Jumping to Conclusions is a post from: Quest for Balance

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