As many of you know, I just got back from spending 20 days in Costa Rica with my family. Hunter spent the entire time hanging out with his cousins. Jeff wasn’t able to go with us this time, and I made it a point to stay offline for the duration of the trip. For these reasons, I had a LOT of “me time”… time to think, and to get to know myself.

If I could only give you one bit of advice, it would be this:

KNOW YOURSELF.

I’ve come to realize that there are no right answers… but some feel more “right” than the rest. We each have to find what those answers are.

No matter how much time we spend with others, or how much of ourselves we share, no one else can ever fully know us. We are infinitely too complex and ever-changing to fit neatly into any pattern or profile.

Only we can know ourselves. In any circumstance, at all times, no matter what the variables, only we have full access to the secret chambers of our hearts, and enigmatic labyrinths of our minds.

There are at least ten things we should each know about ourselves, ten questions we should be able to answer with ease:

1. What matters most to me?

2. What bothers me the most (about myself, others, or the world)?

3. Who enriches my life experience?

4. Who makes my life more difficult than it needs to be?

5. What do I believe beyond the shadow of a doubt?

6. What conditions make me happy?

7. What conditions make me miserable?

8. Is there something or someone I can’t live without?

9. Is everything that is in my life necessary, and adding value?

10. Am I making progress towards a goal of my choosing?

These are but a few of the questions I pondered during my three-week sabbatical, and I found my answers for each of them.

You may recall from my post, Costa Rica is Paradise (and Why I Don’t Live There) that, contrary to all probability, I’ve never been inclined to make Costa Rica my permanent home. It is a beautiful country; I love my friends and family there; the food is great, and it’s an all-around wonderful place to be. And yet, as I confirmed again on this trip, it isn’t the place for me.

I will greatly miss my family and friends, but must get back to my life… the one I have chosen, and created… the one that feels right to me. I can do this, and feel certain about my decision, because I know myself.

While I was in Costa Rica, I realized something else about myself: I am not a blogger. I have enjoyed my blogging experiment, and I am so grateful for all the friends I’ve met online, but blogging is not for me. There’s probably no way I could ever explain this in a way that would make sense to everyone, but I know it to be true.

Every great adventure must come to an end, and so it is with this Quest for Balance. The time has come for a new beginning. I wish I could tell you I know what this new phase of my life will look like, but I don’t. I’m just excited to see what comes next.

Of course, I’ll still be “around”… reading my favorite blogs, and reachable by email. But I plan to spend most of my time offline. I don’t want to spend my time reading about life, or even writing about life. I want to be out there, Living it.

“Whatever we may think or believe, what we have done is our story.” (Fulghum)

I hope to DO a bunch of things with this beautiful Vermont Spring… go for nature hikes, grow vegetables in the community garden, dabble in art, take a dance class, visit some covered bridges, spend time with friends, frequent the farmer’s markets, enjoy local cuisine, ride bikes with my family, take lots of pictures, hang out in the library, look for shapes in the clouds… there’s no tellin’, really.

I just want Life, The Universe and Everything to know this:

I’m here… ready, willing and able to make the most of each day. I will not take this life, or the people in it, for granted. I am eternally grateful for all the blessings I’ve been given.

Thank YOU for being here for this awesome journey, and…

So Long!!

10 Things You Should Know About Yourself (aka: “So Long, And Thanks For All The Fish!”) is a post from: Quest for Balance

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There is no such thing as “teaching”. Some people present information and ideas, but those are only of use to the student if the student is interested enough to learn and apply them. Otherwise, at best, students will memorize, regurgitate, and forget whatever they are “taught”.

Our school system is obsolete, because it focuses almost exclusively on what should be taught, and how to measure whether that was accomplished. But, as Oscar Wilde said, “Nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.” Instead, schools should focus on helping students LEARN, based on their interests, aptitudes, and internal motivations.

It is quite admirable for the government to make a free education available to any child that wants one. But, to make school attendance compulsory, and then fail to provide adequate resources to those schools, such that our only options are mediocre public schools, expensive private schools, doing the schooling ourselves, or going to jail for non-compliance, strikes me as a bit unfair… perhaps even unconstitutional, under the 13th Amendment (involuntary servitude).

In fact, this reminds me of the draft, which allowed our government to make it required for individuals to serve in the military. The government decided that the way to show patriotism and love of country was to be willing to kill and die for it. Some people, obviously, disagreed. They became conscientious objectors (aka: draft-dodgers), and were persecuted for staying true to their pacifist values.

The government has decided to require our kids to attend school, and has determined that a proper education is whatever their government-appointed gurus decide. In essence they are saying, “You must educate your kids in the manner we say is appropriate (namely memorization, graded stratification, standardized testing, competition, punishment, compliance, etc.)., or you will go to jail.” The laws of compulsory attendance are as narrow-minded and despicable as the draft.

A few states, like Texas, recognize a parent’s right to decide what is best for their children. There, you can choose public schooling, if you are comfortable with it. You can choose private school, if you can afford it. Or, you can choose to educate your child in any manner you believe is best. Once you get on the homeschool path, you are not required to prove anything about your child’s education relative to that of the same-aged kids who are in school.

Most states PRETEND you are allowed to homeschool, but still require that you teach most of the same stuff that kids learn in school, and that, at the end of each year, you can demonstrate your child knows what other kids of the same age know. This makes NO SENSE at all. “Teach him what you want, as long as he ends up learning what we think is important.” All this does is replicate the school method, at home. It is merely a change of venue, not an entirely different approach to education.

My issue, though, isn’t about homeschool vs. regular school. My concern is that the system our predecessors came up with to educate kids was created a LONG time ago. The education system has not been significantly revised, improved, or re-designed since then. Updating the content of the textbooks, and replacing notebooks with laptops, doesn’t really change anything. The system is still the same: “teachers” getting kids to memorize information, often without any useful or relevant context.

“Information is not knowledge.” –Albert Einstein

These are different times, which require a whole new skill set. Memorization (the pillar of our current system) is pointless in a world with Google and Wikipedia at everyone’s fingertips. Creativity, problem-solving, conflict resolution, and global awareness are just a few of the skills kids should be discovering in schools today… but aren’t.

Remember Sting’s song, Russians? “What might save us, me, and you, is if the Russians love their children too.” This means, if they love their kids as we love ours, then surely we won’t nuke each other.

Well, if WE loved our children, we wouldn’t leave them so ill-prepared for the future they will face.

If we loved our children, we would stop treating them like masses of sheep, needing to be herded mindlessly from grade to grade, and we would start honoring them as individuals. We would recognize that kids have different interests, different aptitudes, different ways of learning, and that every kid shouldn’t have to be an expert at every subject.

I was the perfect, well-rounded student. I had straight A’s in every subject, academic and extra-curricular. All this means is I am a “Jane of all trades, but master of NONE.” I dabbled in everything, but never specialized in anything. I have no skills in any one area that I love enough, or am good enough at, to dedicate myself to.

“Better know nothing than half-know many things.” –Friedrich Nietzsche

In school, I was never encouraged to think for myself, or to discover what I love more than anything else. School did not prepare me to find meaningful work in the real world. Schools taught me a bunch of random stuff, and they taught me how to follow directions. I learned how to win at any game in which the rules are clearly stated, and every player is bound by them. Life is not this kind of game.

Why are we still doing things this way? When we prepare our children for adulthood, whether in homeschools or regular schools, they should be learning:

How to find work that is meaningful to them, and makes a positive impact.

Compassion and respect for others, no matter how different they seem.

How to be healthy and whole, so they can love themselves and others, including their spouses and children.

A basic understanding of what came before (context), so they can appreciate what they have now, and build on it to create a better future.

How to think for themselves, be creative, and resourceful.

How to manage disappointments, failures, and stress in healthy, productive ways.

Pie in the sky, you think? This is too difficult or impractical, perhaps? Yeah… you’re probably right. We should just give up.

I guess we should stick to teaching our children how to memorize the same, useless, boring facts for 12, 16, 18, or 20 years, because that’s much easier for us than creating something new. After all, we are but products of that same system. We don’t question things. We don’t think for ourselves. And we sure as heck don’t come up with better ways to do things. We just stick to what we know… we do things the way they’ve always been done. Best not to make waves, or get in trouble.

When our kids get through with school, they can each, individually, struggle to unlearn a bunch of stuff and teach themselves what really matters. Why would we deprive them of the experience of re-inventing the wheel? Eventually, they will learn all of the truly important things they had access to all along, but were too busy memorizing facts, and jumping through hoops, to have the time to explore. Eventually, they will find themselves again, as we are all doing now.

Is this really the best we can do for our kids?

Really?!

If we know the system is broken, but we do nothing about it, what are we “teaching” our children?

*

UPDATE: A friend just informed me of a (free) Charter school in Austin, where kids can attend for 4 hours each day, then spend the afternoons pursuing their passions, whether artistic, athletic, whatever.  I believe they are now full (no new enrollments), and I can see why, but the neat thing is that some communities are STARTING to try new and improved ways to help kids learn. We need more of these schools.

(Photo Credit)

What Are We “Teaching” Our Children? is a post from: Quest for Balance

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LOVE

as

Outward Kindness

rests

On Strength,

Magical

and

Certain,

Mystical

and

Centered.

ETHEREAL JOY

from

CHANCES TAKEN.

Peace

Walks Slowly

On Still

Water

Between World

and

Illusion,

at times

Unaware,

Guided By

LOVE.

*

(Swans, Boats)

For the Warrior, Poet, Mystic: On Finding Love is a post from: Quest for Balance

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For some of us, finding that one true passion is just not an option. We want to do it all.

I’ve never really been able to concentrate on one thing at a time. I’m a notorious multitasker with an apparent inability to focus. In university, people kept telling me to slow down, pick something, decide on a path. Academic advisers would preach that my future (and future earnings) depended on my finding a niche and sticking with it, at least until my mid-thirties.

I can’t tell you how many times that gave me borderline anxiety attacks.

Why should I have to stick to one (or three) paths for the rest of my life? Why can’t I do it all? Was my kindergarten teacher lulling me into a false sense of security with her speeches on how anyone can be anything?

The problem isn’t my kindergarten teacher. Or my academic advisors. The problem is with perception.

From the time we’re small we’re continuously asked, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” I remember the kids from my class answering: “Firefighter”, “Doctor”, “Actor”, “Rockstar”. My teachers would look expectantly at me. My answer?

“A journalist. And I want to write a novel. And then I want to play in a band. You know, a jazz band or something. And then I want to make a video game. Oh, and then…”

I would just continue on and on until the teacher would stop me and say, “Be serious, Amanda. You can’t want to do all that.”

We’re told that we can be anything we want; we just can’t be everything.

In a world where specialists are highly valued, we generalists, Renaissance Men and Women, and Scanners are often mistaken for lazy, misguided, and aimless. Once we realized we were never going to find our one magic passion, we’ve thought there was something seriously wrong with us. I thought that maybe I had some kind of obscure learning disability that barred me from deciding on one thing and one thing only. Or that I had the dreaded ADD.

A Scanner’s World

Some of the most brilliant minds were many things, other than what they are best known for. Take Leonardo DaVinci, for example. He was more than just a painter: he was also a sculptor, architect, musician, scientist, mathematician, engineer, inventor, anatomist, geologist, botanist and writer. He was never accused of spreading himself too thin. No one walked up to him and told him, “Just choose something already! You’re wasting your life on meaningless pursuits!”

Barbara’s book changed my life.

I found myself throwing my ideas in a journal, no longer afraid that I was going to forget anything. I was free to pursue my dreams. All of them. I didn;t even need to prioritize them. All I needed was the help of Google Calendar (or my rockin’ analog agenda) and a handy dandy egg timer. I section off a couple of hours for different activities, depending on the day. I’ll usually decide when I wake up what I want to accomplish that day. How many hours do I want to work on my business before doing some writing? Do I want to throw some leisure time in there? Perhaps somewhere in the mix I’ll want to try my hand at a different programming language. And then maybe I’ll spend an hour or two researching how to make pasta from scratch.

There are a few ways for you to keep your sanity, in the midst of this creative sugar high:

1. Store your ideas in notebooks and binders

When you have time to look at them again, you’ll be glad you did, even if it’s not for a few days/months/years/decades. And in the meantime, at least you know that they’ll be safe.

2. Lose yourself completely in whatever you’re working on

And then, once you’re done with it–once you’ve gotten what you need out of that activity, be it completion or not–put it away. Don’t feel guilty about not finishing if you don’t. Be proud that you’re capable of great things.

3. Find a scheduling system that works for you and stick with it

Make it a habit. If you want to accomplish more than one or two things during your day/week/month/year, then jot down what they are (on a calendar, on a huge piece of paper, or even on many sheets of paper) and work towards it, bit by bit. If you’re like me and you want to accomplish ten things a day, then the egg-timer/calendar system will work for you.

Don’t forget to come up for air.

Amanda Farough is a writer, web rock-star, geek, gamer, and musician. She rocks it over at VioletMinded, if you want to stop by and jam.

(Photo Credit)

Have you shelved some of your passions in favor of others, or have you found a way to pursue them all? We want to hear about it!

The Myth, The Legend: One Passion to Rule Them All is a post from: Quest for Balance

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I was once a bit OCD. I don’t mean that my house was neat and tidy (though it probably was), or that I was a control freak (though I definitely was); but rather, I had obsessive thoughts that I compulsively acted on, even when I knew I shouldn’t. I would tell myself NOT to act on those thoughts… but, when they arose, it was like I was on autopilot. I absolutely, compulsively, had to follow through, no matter what.

When I was dealing with this issue, I learned that OCD people live in an imaginary world that is Beyond Reasonable Doubt. Some doubts, of course, are reasonable and prudent.

For instance:

I just cut raw chicken on the counter, so I should disinfect it. (Reasonable)

I need to disinfect the counter every 30 minutes because there MIGHT be germs on it. (OCD)

Or:

I wonder if I locked the door (or turned off the oven) before I left? (Reasonable)

I can’t leave my house without checking the lock (or oven) 17 times, because I MIGHT forget one of those times. (OCD)

Reasonable doubt keeps us alive and well.

Then there is the paralyzing world of doubts that are WAY beyond reason… “what if this or that (highly unlikely scenario) happens? I need to go to great lengths to avoid that catastrophe.” When this is your thought process, you end up not living at all, because fear and compulsive behaviors keep you from enjoying ANYTHING.

But at the other end of the spectrum, the pendulum swings to the OPPOSITE of OCD, careless risk-taking.

When this happens, people are not even concerned with reasonable doubts, because they get so caught up in their pleasure seeking, and narcissistic goals, they start to believe the rules of mere mortals don’t apply to them. They imagine things like, “I’m special, extraordinary, smarter, stronger, better, richer… and therefore, these things (that happen on a fairly regular basis to other people) will NOT happen to me.”

Recently I watched Everest: Beyond the Limits, and was struck by how many times I heard people say, “If I had only known THIS would be the price I had to pay (losing fingers, or toes, or friends), I never would have come.”

Really?!

Because I’m not even a climber, I’ve just watched a few Everest specials on TV, and even I know that every climbing season people on Everest lose fingers and toes to frostbite, get pulmonary or cerebral edema, suffer snow blindness, and any number of other things… and these are the (lucky) ones who survive their summit attempts.

Everest is, for all intents and purposes, the world’s highest graveyard; it is covered in bodies of climbers that cannot be recovered. This is not a big secret… it’s pretty well documented.

You didn’t KNOW? Or you didn’t think it would happen to YOU?

Those are two very different things.

This week I watched Tiger Woods deliver his staged press conference on the issue of his affairs. He admitted that he had come to believe he didn’t have to play by the same rules that apply to everyone else. He thought he could just act on selfish impulse, without worrying about consequences.

I guess if he had KNOWN his affairs would destroy his family, and the professional image he worked so hard to achieve, he might’ve kept it in his pants.

Really?! A smart guy, like Tiger, didn’t do the simple “what if” scenario, following his actions through to their logical conclusions? Or maybe he did, and just didn’t care enough about the outcome… but that’s not likely. He thought, “OTHERS get caught, but not me. I’m Tiger Woods.”

But he did get caught, and shattered a bunch of hearts in the process.

Why in the world would he do that?

Granted, some risks beyond “normal” tolerance must be taken for progress to be made in all sorts of fields. But, it seems to me, total carelessness and disregard for others, in the pursuit of one’s own pleasure or glory, is a recipe for disaster and regret.

What do you think?

How do we know what “reasonable” doubts are? Have you ever felt trapped by worries or concerns that were WAY beyond what others considered reasonable?

How much risk-taking is healthy and normal? Do you engage in behaviors you KNOW could cost you dearly, thinking you probably won’t get caught? (I don’t actually expect you to confess them here, by the way.)

How do we find the balance between too much risk, and not enough?

How do we know when we’ve gone too far?

Are some obsessions better than others?

(Photo Credit)

OCD: The Pendulum of Caution, Risk, and Reasonable Doubt is a post from: Quest for Balance

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