I was once a bit OCD. I don’t mean that my house was neat and tidy (though it probably was), or that I was a control freak (though I definitely was); but rather, I had obsessive thoughts that I compulsively acted on, even when I knew I shouldn’t. I would tell myself NOT to act on those thoughts… but, when they arose, it was like I was on autopilot. I absolutely, compulsively, had to follow through, no matter what.

When I was dealing with this issue, I learned that OCD people live in an imaginary world that is Beyond Reasonable Doubt. Some doubts, of course, are reasonable and prudent.

For instance:

I just cut raw chicken on the counter, so I should disinfect it. (Reasonable)

I need to disinfect the counter every 30 minutes because there MIGHT be germs on it. (OCD)

Or:

I wonder if I locked the door (or turned off the oven) before I left? (Reasonable)

I can’t leave my house without checking the lock (or oven) 17 times, because I MIGHT forget one of those times. (OCD)

Reasonable doubt keeps us alive and well.

Then there is the paralyzing world of doubts that are WAY beyond reason… “what if this or that (highly unlikely scenario) happens? I need to go to great lengths to avoid that catastrophe.” When this is your thought process, you end up not living at all, because fear and compulsive behaviors keep you from enjoying ANYTHING.

But at the other end of the spectrum, the pendulum swings to the OPPOSITE of OCD, careless risk-taking.

When this happens, people are not even concerned with reasonable doubts, because they get so caught up in their pleasure seeking, and narcissistic goals, they start to believe the rules of mere mortals don’t apply to them. They imagine things like, “I’m special, extraordinary, smarter, stronger, better, richer… and therefore, these things (that happen on a fairly regular basis to other people) will NOT happen to me.”

Recently I watched Everest: Beyond the Limits, and was struck by how many times I heard people say, “If I had only known THIS would be the price I had to pay (losing fingers, or toes, or friends), I never would have come.”

Really?!

Because I’m not even a climber, I’ve just watched a few Everest specials on TV, and even I know that every climbing season people on Everest lose fingers and toes to frostbite, get pulmonary or cerebral edema, suffer snow blindness, and any number of other things… and these are the (lucky) ones who survive their summit attempts.

Everest is, for all intents and purposes, the world’s highest graveyard; it is covered in bodies of climbers that cannot be recovered. This is not a big secret… it’s pretty well documented.

You didn’t KNOW? Or you didn’t think it would happen to YOU?

Those are two very different things.

This week I watched Tiger Woods deliver his staged press conference on the issue of his affairs. He admitted that he had come to believe he didn’t have to play by the same rules that apply to everyone else. He thought he could just act on selfish impulse, without worrying about consequences.

I guess if he had KNOWN his affairs would destroy his family, and the professional image he worked so hard to achieve, he might’ve kept it in his pants.

Really?! A smart guy, like Tiger, didn’t do the simple “what if” scenario, following his actions through to their logical conclusions? Or maybe he did, and just didn’t care enough about the outcome… but that’s not likely. He thought, “OTHERS get caught, but not me. I’m Tiger Woods.”

But he did get caught, and shattered a bunch of hearts in the process.

Why in the world would he do that?

Granted, some risks beyond “normal” tolerance must be taken for progress to be made in all sorts of fields. But, it seems to me, total carelessness and disregard for others, in the pursuit of one’s own pleasure or glory, is a recipe for disaster and regret.

What do you think?

How do we know what “reasonable” doubts are? Have you ever felt trapped by worries or concerns that were WAY beyond what others considered reasonable?

How much risk-taking is healthy and normal? Do you engage in behaviors you KNOW could cost you dearly, thinking you probably won’t get caught? (I don’t actually expect you to confess them here, by the way.)

How do we find the balance between too much risk, and not enough?

How do we know when we’ve gone too far?

Are some obsessions better than others?

(Photo Credit)

OCD: The Pendulum of Caution, Risk, and Reasonable Doubt is a post from: Quest for Balance

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Obstacles are tricky things…

If we think of someone pursuing a noble goal, like finding a cure for cancer, or trying for Olympic gold, then obstacles are merely tests of determination. Overcoming them shows commitment, resourcefulness, and an undeterred sense of purpose. If you focus on your goal, you can find a way around any challenge or complication.

On the other hand, if we consider a less than noble goal, obstacles take on a whole new dimension. For instance, if the objective is to feed an addiction to drugs, alcohol, gambling, food, online socializing, or the thrill of an illicit affair, the obstacles serve as a warning for you to stop, think, prioritize, and choose wisely.

Perhaps the first encounters with “the drug” were accidental… the normal course of things. After that, it was easy to come by; opportunities for indulging are everywhere. Every vice is OK in moderation, right? So one can understand how addictions begin.

But then obstacles start to appear, making it difficult, risky, or even dangerous to continue feeding the addiction. Maybe health starts deteriorating. Or family members begin getting concerned… asking questions… noticing a change. Maybe lies have to be told and hearts have to be broken in order to get to “the drug”.

WARNING!

This is the point where anyone with the slightest bit of remaining dignity or conscience would stop, and do whatever it takes to quit. To continue past the obstacles, in this case, shows weakness, lack of control, disregard for others, and even self-destructive tendencies.

“Never underestimate the potential of ego to lead one astray, no matter how hard you train or what your point on the path.” –P.T. Sudo

We should all strive to travel a noble path, and learn to recognize those moments when our mischievous inner child seeks to lead us astray. If we are paying attention, we will recognize those signs, acknowledge them, and make ourselves continue along our intended path.

Those very moments of distraction, temptation, and indulgence become the obstacles that test our resolve in our pursuit of a noble goal. It is imperative that we heed the warning to avoid “the drug” and do whatever it takes to return to what we know to be right. It may require a constant effort to steer clear of temptations.

This post is intentionally ambiguous. I use “the drug” to represent any addictive, self-indulgent, irresponsible, potentially damaging behavior. There are too many for me to list, but they all come from the same place (insecurity) and lead to the same result (suffering).

Even volunteering for an orphanage can fit this description, if you are spending so much time there that you are neglecting your loved ones as a result. Only YOU know what you value most, and which behaviors are threatening your priorities. Is it time to quit?

Are you on your intended path? Are you protecting what you love? Are the obstacles you are facing testing your resolve, or warning you to get back on track?

Stop. Think. Prioritize. Choose Wisely.

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*

Tuesdays through Thursdays, comments are closed on Quest for Balance (here’s why). Feel free to contact me directly at:

MyQuestForBalance (at) gmail (dot) com.

Or, if you prefer, you can tweet me @Serene_Balance.

Merci!!!

(Photo 1, Photo 2)

Obstacles: Are They Tests or Warnings? is a post from: Quest for Balance

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Bad habits are a lot like kudzu in that they tend to sleep, creep, and leap. For those of you unfamiliar with kudzu, I have included a lovely photo by Jack Anthony of Dahlonega, Georgia. This invasive weed and our destructive behaviors are also similar in the sense that you probably would rather not have either one–but we’ll stick to my primary analogy here.

At first, kudzu will “sleep”, taking a while to get firmly rooted. Similarly, our propensity toward certain bad habits or addictions often lays dormant for a long time, waiting for just the right conditions to start creeping in. At some point in life we all, inevitably, have to deal with stress, depression, grief, anxiety, or some other unpleasant condition. At those times, our dormant tendency starts to gain strength (laziness, overeating, smoking, etc.) as a coping mechanism.

Once kudzu starts to “creep”, it slowly reaches further and further, laying the groundwork to take over as much as possible. Likewise, our vices start to creep further into our lives. The occasional social drink or smoke becomes a daily ritual, because it helps us relax. The midnight snack becomes a midnight meal, and a snack between every meal, because it is the only way we feel comfort and pleasure. “I’ll just skip today’s workout because I’ve got a lot going on” becomes, “I know I haven’t exercised in six months, but I just can’t make myself go.”

This is the ideal time to do something proactive to take charge of the situation. If you are growing kudzu (which I do not recommend), now is the time to start training and shaping it; begin setting some boundaries to direct the way you want it to go. If you are developing bad habits, this is the best time to make changes to put your life back on track. Notice how far down this undesirable road you have ventured, and look ahead to where it will lead.

If it goes unchecked, kudzu will then “leap”, almost literally, over anything in its path. It is established, firmly rooted, and determined to have its way. At this stage it takes a constant, dedicated effort to keep it from taking over and completely ruining everything. It will take multiple battles, some of which you’ll lose, before things get under control. The evidence that it has been there often remains, as well as the perpetual possibility of its unwelcome return.

Bad habits, if ignored long enough, will become addictions and compulsions. That is not to say that change is impossible at this stage, but it will be considerably more difficult. In addition, by this point our destructive behaviors have most likely caused some permanent damage to ourselves, or to others.

If your bad habits have reached this level and are overshadowing the rest of your life, taking charge is long overdue. Seek support, enlist help, and prepare for a series of challenging battles. There is still hope; there is always hope. Some of the loveliest landscapes I’ve seen here, in rural Georgia, were once completely overrun by kudzu. Persistence and determination can yield wonderful results.

Kudzu and Bad Habits is a post from: Quest for Balance

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Propaganda is the selective presentation of facts. The propagandist creates a simple story and repeats it often, with the deliberate intent of shaping beliefs and, consequently, behaviors. Hitler’s message was a clear example of how systematic propaganda can make otherwise rational individuals believe the most absurd “facts.”

I believe what often gets us in trouble is our own internal propaganda. Perhaps because of events that happened to us long ago, we created a simplistic, negative message about ourselves, and repeated it often. Most of us practice the opposite of daily affirmations, with phrases like:

I’m a loser. I’m not smart. I’m no good. I’m fat and lazy. I don’t deserve to be loved. I’ll never amount to anything.

If we believed just ONE of these short sentences and played it repeatedly in our heads, the power of suggestion would eventually make it seem true, and we would behave accordingly. The beauty of this is, no matter how long that little ditty has played in our heads, we can always re-write our own simple narrative.

If we are going to be selective in the “facts” we choose to believe, then let’s at least choose things that make us feel good about ourselves; shall we? At first it may not ring true; but if, like a determined propagandist, we are systematic and deliberate in repeating our new message, one day we will come to believe it, and act accordingly. What a lovely day that will be!

Personal Propaganda: Taming Our Internal Monologue is a post from: Quest for Balance

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In one of my older Journals I kept a few reminders that at any given moment each decision I make can get me closer to, or further from, my goals. I need to make a dedicated effort to choose wisely. I need to embrace my free will in favor of spiritual growth and happiness. So I’d like to share that list here:

Choose Wisely: The Importance of Making Good Choices is a post from: Quest for Balance

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