Every now and then, I come across the word “hype” as I try to read my way to a better life for myself and the people around me. It is a word which, in the realm of personal growth and development, is usually used to refer to ideas that promise a runway in your backyard and a mansion in the middle of the sea.

The promise is not always material possessions; at times there is no specific promise at all. You know what I am talking about… the carefully choreographed words that seem intended just to make you feel good, while you wallow in your problems; all the big words from past sages, which at face value seem to promise more that they can deliver.

I have come close to using that label before, and chances are that I will use it again.

Not too long ago, I wrote a post entitled “Why the Science of Success Theory is Flawed“, and while I didn’t use the word “hype” in that post, you would not be far from the truth if while reading that article you got the idea that I was in some way trying to label most Science of Success theories as “hype”.

In this article, I want to remind you of four things about ALL ideas.

1. In their Raw State ALL Ideas are “Hype”

Hype is not an objective label on an idea. It is almost always subjective. People don’t just apply this word to carefully crafted “goody goody” ideas. You will ALWAYS find at least one person who labels “hype” even what seems “practical” and “original” (if there are such ideas).

It is for the simple reason that all ideas (even the good ones) are potential hype in their “raw” unused state. The more accurate way to put it would be to say that ideas are just ideas until practiced to see their fruit. Even then, you may never really know.

2. Not Every Idea Labeled “Hype” is, in fact, Hype

This is obvious.

The stack truth about life is that we have personal preferences with respect to ideas we want to espouse. This usually blinds us, causes indifference, and makes us shut out other ideas which may well be valuable and sometimes better than what we currently know!

Everyone is at risk of indifference towards ideas which don’t initially click with them. That’s OK; this is what makes us individuals. But it helps to know that sometimes it’s about personal preferences and experiences, not necessarily the value of the ideas themselves.

3. Not Every “Hype Idea” must be Hype to YOU

This is VERY important; it all comes down to YOU. What does it mean to YOU? The ideas you espouse, what do they really mean to you? What place do they occupy in your day to day life… when the lights are off, and the music has stopped playing–and the page view count is not moving any further up.

This is the challenge for any person who shares ideas with others. This is the starting place for every writer, every blogger. The same is true for every reader.

4. The Value of Ideas is in their USE

The value of ideas — hype or not — is in their USE.

Ideas YOU are not using remain as ideas and for YOU qualify to be labeled as “hype”!

If you lived even a little bit of the so called “regurgitated” ideas that you know, your life would probably be very different from what it is. At every point in your life, you can lead a much better life with what you already KNOW and HAVE.

When it comes to ideas, let these words ring in your mind, words I heard Anthony Robbins speak when he shared the story of how he changed his life:

You don’t need many ideas to change your life; you don’t need complicated ideas to change your life; all you need is AN IDEA you are willing to TAKE IN and USE.

Some of these ideas are things some people may call “hype” or “regurgitated material”; care less about the label an idea has. As someone recently pointed out to me, you must concern yourself with the results of the ideas, not the semantics.

In short, it doesn’t have to be hype or practical, regurgitated or original. IT JUST HAS TO WORK FOR YOU!

What do you think?

What are your thoughts on all these new (and not so new) ideas that get tossed around in countless ways to help you sort out your life? Does it matter if they are gospel, or useless hype, if they produce results?

Thanks!

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4 Things You Need to Know About ALL Ideas is a post from: Quest for Balance

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When is the last time you made a discovery that completely changed the way you viewed the world?

Whether it was yesterday, last month or two years ago, chances are it doesn’t happen very frequently these days. At least not as frequently as when we were children, exploring with complete awe, curiosity and open-mindedness, everything we came into contact with.

But as we age, we lose our desire for discovery, and more importantly, we lose the benefits of such exploration. We start to believe that we already have all of the information we need to shape our world views and form our opinions.

Unfortunately, without continued personal exploration, we often end up basing our world views on the biased thoughts and beliefs of others. As a a result, we find ourselves hating and fearing people who live on the other side of the planet simply because we are told to do so, even though we don’t really know anything at all about those people.

How can we justify all of this negativity without viewing the world through the eyes of others?

How can we support wars that take place for reasons that we truly do not understand? How can we ignore human rights abuses in order to have our store shelves stocked with cheaper goods?

We can’t. Yet we do.

Recently, I began thinking about what has led me to spend the past ten years constantly wandering around the globe. While it may appear that I’m simply addicted to travel, I realized that I am actually addicted to exploration and discovery, just as I was when I was a kid. Traveling to me has much less to do with the name of the country I am visiting than it does with the opportunity to interact with people I would ordinarily never come into contact with.

The goal of my explorations is to actively pursue, and be challenged by, a first-hand education through cultural immersion and ordinary human interactions. If my beliefs are not constantly tested and re-shaped, then I am at serious risk of allowing the hatred, the fear and the negativity to continue in this world unchecked. However, if I can fill my life with new discoveries about people and places that I admit I know nothing about, then I can play a role in promoting respect, equality, and the value of diversity.

It is what being a global citizen is all about.

When we discover for ourselves, we constantly experience eye-opening moments of wonder, such as,  “Wow! These people actually are not evil.” Or “Wow! This place is not at all what I thought.” And it is such discoveries that help to dissolve harmful misunderstandings, destroy false assumptions and in turn, ever so slowly, change the world for the better.

So, why have we lost our desire for exploration over the years?

Perhaps it has become too inconvenient or troublesome to spend time searching for first-hand knowledge. It is without a doubt much easier to take a few tidbits of information we hear on the news or read online, piece it all together and create an entire world view out of them.

But exploration really isn’t so inconvenient. And although the term is often associated with extensive world travel, modern exploration can take place within your own home, town or region.

Speak to people you would not ordinarily come into contact with, learn about a culture or country you know nothing about or become an email pen pal with someone in a far away land.

I firmly believe that being a global citizen is a frame of mind, not a passport full of stamps.

And whether you take the traveling or non-traveling approach, one thing is definitely guaranteed–exploration is exhilarating! It involves a child-like curiosity and genuine addiction to personally discovering what lies beyond the horizon. This is a far more rewarding method of understanding the world than simply assuming we already know what’s out there.

In fact, you’ll often find the difference in results between the two methods to be astonishingly different. And when given a choice between blind-belief, developed more by the need for belief than from true experience, or first-hand knowledge resulting from direct interactions, the choice to me seems downright obvious.

With that in mind, I hope we will all consider becoming explorers once again!

What about you?

Are you in touch with your child-like spirit of adventure? Do you still explore?

Note From Lisis: If you haven’t met Earl, consider visiting his blog, Wandering Earl, so you can do what I do: travel vicariously through him!

When I Grow Up, I Want to Be an Explorer! is a post from: Quest for Balance

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“While celebrating that everybody on earth is only six handshakes from us, we need to accept that so are their problems and vulnerabilities.” –Albert Laszlo Barabasi

While this quote was more related to his description of the connectedness of server networks on the internet, and the link to his research on metabolic networks, Barabasi also meant for it to apply to describing people. We always hear about, and know of, the many benefits of connecting with others to build a larger network of associates and potential partners and clients. On the other hand, there are some realities to take into account when expanding your network.

Good News and Bad News Go Hand in Hand

A larger network also means a larger pool of events that you will know about, including negative ones. You will be connected to more hardships and pains, and stories of loss and frustration. These come with the territory. It is smart to know this before you start expanding your network in certain directions, as it can be a real struggle to cancel relationships after they have formed.

Stay Aware of the Network You Are Building

A large concept to take into account here is awareness. How aware you are of the networks you are building inversely relates to how surprised you could be by the positive or negative energy that is transferred to you once you have built them. Remember that each new person or group you connect with has the potential to build you up or possibly tear you down. Look at potential connections based on what you see as their good and bad traits, and see if the bad could later build up to frustrate you.

You Are a Better Fit with Some Folks than with Others

While there are not necessarily bad traits out there, some folks are not as good of a fit with you as others. If you are building a career, you could start to clash with someone who has a 9-5 job, and so it would benefit you to network with more career-minded people. I don’t look to label people here, but people in society have traits that range from one extreme degree to the other end of the spectrum, and you can be much more efficient with those around your characteristic levels; however, always make sure to maintain connections with folks of all types, as socially barricading yourself points to a direction of losing most of your connections.

Watch Out for Shapeshifters

Another point here is to not let yourself be manipulated by individuals who seem very friendly at first. It is usually the case that the people we build the greatest connection to are not the ones who were almost too excited when first getting to know us, while those who are so excited to meet us tend to forget about us the next day. That one is straight from my experiences. Some of the folks I am very connected with today are those who were at least somewhat of a struggle to understand or communicate with in our early connection stages.

That is also why it doesn’t work well to be the loud and exciting person at a networking conference, because any well-known conference attendees are set to filter out those who try to make up for their lack of substance with fast-paced and showy hype and dialogue. There are a few quotes that say something to the effect of “the smartest person in the room is most quiet”. This is worth keeping in mind when trying to present yourself well.

Keep the Size and Scope of Your Network Under Your Control

Back to the original point, when you start to take on a large network of connections, it is in your hands as to how large you allow it to get. If you see that you are having trouble handling the current load of pressure from your network, expanding it before you build up the ability to handle it is a very short-term plan, and can lead to failure. We rise to our level of competence, but we also drop to our level of competence if we overshoot it.

It doesn’t get easier to maintain a larger, or more interconnected, network of colleagues or associates. If you are in a predicament where this issue is on your mind, remember that it is better to have a smaller network that you are able to handle dealing with regularly, than to have a larger network and let a higher percentage of them down out of lack of control or energy.

Armen Shirvanian writes words of wisdom about mindset, communication, relationships, and related topics at Timeless Information. You can follow him on Twitter at @Armen.

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The Other Side of Connectivity is a post from: Quest for Balance

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“The truth is rarely pure and never simple.” (Oscar Wilde)

If you do a quick Google search for “reading body language” you’ll get somewhere in the region of 42 million results. I wouldn’t advise you to do it though because about 41 million of them will be crap and you’ll spend the rest of your life developing paranoia and thinking your family is plotting to kill you. And who knows? Maybe they are.

The reason why you’ll probably struggle to separate the good advice from that which is bad and often downright ugly is that a lot of the nonsense has taken on a life on its own like a zombie on Red Bull.

Reading body language is incredibly difficult and even experts regularly get it wrong and you could probably fit the genuine world-class experts on the topic onto the front page of Google.

So if you ever see a blog post entitled “10 Ways To Tell If Somebody Is Lying“, smile knowingly and keep on moving unless you want some comedic value or to dive into the comments to tell the writer he’s an asshat (not recommended by the way).

Unfortunately though, a lot of people have a little knowledge about the subject and we know what happens to people with a little knowledge. Yes indeed, they start a blog! Not you Lisis

If you ever hear anybody make any of the following statements you have my permission to laugh in their face and mock them heartily. However, if they then punch you, it was your own fault and you need to grow up a bit and stop taking stupid advice from childish life coaches.

1. If somebody touches their nose when they are talking, they’re lying.

Actually it’s more likely they have an itch. Although they could be lying because fibbing can trigger a change in skin temperature leading to itching.

2. If somebody breaks eye contact, they’re lying.

It’s quite often just the opposite as people try to look sincere by staring at you when they are spinning a whopper of a lie.

3. If somebody folds their arms, they are being defensive.

That’s possible, but it could be that they have always done that (think academic types) or even that they are mirroring or matching your body language, so check you aren’t doing it.

4. If somebody can’t hold your gaze, they are insincere.

They may be shy, they may be autistic, they may be highly kinesthetic, and yes indeed, they may be also insincere.

5. If somebody walks around with a ferret down their pants, they’re a pervert.

They may just like the lovely feeling of a warm furry mammal scurrying around in their underwear on a cold winters day. Nothing wrong with that.

*

The point is, you can’t know any of the above unless you have calibrated the person to start with. By that, I mean formed a baseline of how they normally react in any given situation and that takes skill and time.

Let’s take the example of somebody that can’t hold your gaze. Can they normally hold your gaze? Can they hold other peoples gaze under normal circumstances? If the answer to those is yes, then that probably rules out shyness, Autism/Aspergers and being kinesthetic.

“A-ha! So they are insincere, I knew it all the time” I hear you declare as you thrust a fork into the lying bastards eye.

Well maybe and maybe not.

You now have to take context and content into consideration. What is the conversation about? Are they embarrassed? Have they felt slighted and gone into their shell? Have they spotted a shiny new penny on the floor behind you? Are you boring their arse off? Have you got a big poached egg of a zit on your nose that they’re trying to avoid staring at?

Now can you see how easy it is to make mistakes and jump to inaccurate conclusions? Taking all that information on board simultaneously as well as holding a conversation is tricky at best and almost impossible for a novice.

And don’t at this point quote the TV program “Lie To Me” at me. Yes it’s very accurate in some respects and based on the work of the world’s foremost expert in Paul Eckman. BUT, and it’s a huge BUT, nobody can do it with that speed and accuracy, not even Eckman himself.

I’ve told you how difficult it can be to read body language, so I suppose I tell you what you can do to give you a better idea of what to look for to have a clearer idea of what people are thinking.

The fact is, all of the reasons I listed originally (except maybe the ferret one) could very well be correct and are useful to watch out for. You’re probably already very good at reading people you know. The reason for that is you know their baseline and their usual ways of reacting to given situations.

The main thing I look for with clients, when trying to ascertain whether they’ll follow through on something and how committed they are, is congruence.

A lack of congruity between words and body, or even words and their tonality, is a dead giveaway that they’re telling me one thing and thinking another. The latter is fairly easy to spot for anybody that has an ounce of sensory acuity.

Have you ever you asked a miserable looking partner what was wrong, only to have “Nothing” snapped back at you?

That was a lack of congruity. The tonality and maybe even the body language didn’t correspond to the words that were coming out of his mouth. The best advice I can give you here is to say “Okey Dokey” and head to the nearest bar for a cocktail with your friends and a great night out.

That will usually ease the situation, if not dump the loser, you can do better anyway.

If on the other hand he said “Nothing” in a cheerful voice it would be natural to assume they were being honest, although even then it’s not necessarily so.

Here’s where it can get even trickier. It’s possible that at a conscious level he genuinely believes nothing is wrong but his unconscious is sending all sorts of contradictory signals trying to warn him that you’re off out on the pull with the girls.

I get similar behavior regularly with clients. They agree to something, their voice tonality is compliant too, but they still don’t follow through. This used to bug the hell out of me when I first started coaching. Now though I’m half expecting it and looking for visual clues that may indicate incongruence so I can give them a damn good thrashing or words of encouragement depending on the circumstances.

For your delectation, here is a far from exhaustive list of potential “tells”, but please remember to calibrate first and be aware that cultural differences can come into play too. And don’t try and sue me when you get it wrong.

* Slight slump of the shoulders when agreeing with something

* Reddening of the face or neck

* Perspiring

* Tensing of muscles in neck/head area or even the arms or hands

* Defocusing of eyes

* Excessive fidgeting or possibly just the opposite (that’s helpful, eh?)

We all do every one of those from time to time, so as I say, the trick is looking for changes of behavior, rather than what a book or a blog tells you are the giveaway signs.

So, what a let down, huh? I have effectively told you what you probably can’t do, unless you practice by looking at photos and live footage of people for 8 hours a day, 6 days per week for the next 20 years.

There is value in knowing this, though.

It may stop you jumping to conclusions and presuming people are lying when they’re not. It may allow you to take a step back from time to time, rather than diving head long into an argument because your other half has an itchy nose.

What do you think?

Is it possible to accurately interpret another person’s body language? Do you know any “tells”?

(Photo Credit

Reading Body Language: The Pure and Simple Truth is a post from: Quest for Balance

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Exactly a year ago, I published my very first post, How Many Souls On Board?

One of the early posts that really set the tone for my approach to life and my message to the world was, Choosing to See the Good. I became convinced that every life, every place, every job, every situation has positive and negative aspects, and that finding happiness depends on being able to choose the aspects we focus on.

I then started a Spirit of Adventure series on Monday mornings, to try to encourage readers to cultivate excitement in their lives, at any level. Great adventures, simple excursions, and a child-like view of the world can do wonders to spice up an otherwise dismal existence.

New friends came along and joined this nascent community; page views and comments increased; suddenly the blog had a life of its own! This concept fascinated me, enthralled me, captivated me, and I became a bit obsessed (is there such a thing?) I started watching stats, and worrying about trend lines, page rank, and seeking validation… “Which number tells me if they like my writing, if they like ME, if I am worth anything?!”

I was posting every day, and my emotions were ALL over the place. The self-imposed stress was starting to get to me, and then I did something a little bit crazy (in hindsight). I decided to turn off comments Tuesdays through Thursdays. Those were the days when I posted more personal stuff, the sort of posts that made me cry as I wrote them, and that I worried would not be well-received.

I needed a little space to find my balance once again… the balance between my real life and my new, unexpected, virtual life. Thankfully, Quest for Balance readers (you) understood and respected my need for a little breathing room. You stuck around, even through my quiet phase of introspection. You waited patiently, not judging me, while I sorted myself out.

One day, I had a big heart-to-heart talk with my blog.

I could breathe again.

Then my husband and I took a Giant Leap of Faith, leaving his corporate job (our only source of income) in search of a more authentic life. We had no idea what that would look like; we had no Plan B. It was exciting, and scary, and once again, YOU were supportive every step of the way. At one point things got so confusing, the blog went entirely silent for a while.

But you didn’t leave me.

You waited, and emailed, and checked on me, and gave me the strength to keep going.

For that, I THANK YOU, from the bottom of my heart.

Then it happened. I unloaded everything that was on my mind in a little rant I called The Passion Paradox, and everything changed. I started to see blogging, and people, and purpose in a whole new light. And I realized…

I can do some good in this world on my own, but together, we can make a HUGE difference.

When we cooperate and collaborate, across blogs, across borders, across all forms of communication, there is no limit to what we can do. I think it’s extremely important that we work together, get to know each other, and find ways to help each other get where we are going.

If I may ask, what troubles you?

When you read personal development blogs, or self-help books, what is it you seek? What do you struggle with the most? What currently keeps you from being happy?

My promise to you is, I will do everything I can to help you get through your challenges, or help you find the right person for the job.

This year is all about YOU, and how I can help you make life simple, enjoyable, and serenely balanced.

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An Anniversary, a Thank You, and a Promise is a post from: Quest for Balance

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