There is no such thing as “teaching”. Some people present information and ideas, but those are only of use to the student if the student is interested enough to learn and apply them. Otherwise, at best, students will memorize, regurgitate, and forget whatever they are “taught”.

Our school system is obsolete, because it focuses almost exclusively on what should be taught, and how to measure whether that was accomplished. But, as Oscar Wilde said, “Nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.” Instead, schools should focus on helping students LEARN, based on their interests, aptitudes, and internal motivations.

It is quite admirable for the government to make a free education available to any child that wants one. But, to make school attendance compulsory, and then fail to provide adequate resources to those schools, such that our only options are mediocre public schools, expensive private schools, doing the schooling ourselves, or going to jail for non-compliance, strikes me as a bit unfair… perhaps even unconstitutional, under the 13th Amendment (involuntary servitude).

In fact, this reminds me of the draft, which allowed our government to make it required for individuals to serve in the military. The government decided that the way to show patriotism and love of country was to be willing to kill and die for it. Some people, obviously, disagreed. They became conscientious objectors (aka: draft-dodgers), and were persecuted for staying true to their pacifist values.

The government has decided to require our kids to attend school, and has determined that a proper education is whatever their government-appointed gurus decide. In essence they are saying, “You must educate your kids in the manner we say is appropriate (namely memorization, graded stratification, standardized testing, competition, punishment, compliance, etc.)., or you will go to jail.” The laws of compulsory attendance are as narrow-minded and despicable as the draft.

A few states, like Texas, recognize a parent’s right to decide what is best for their children. There, you can choose public schooling, if you are comfortable with it. You can choose private school, if you can afford it. Or, you can choose to educate your child in any manner you believe is best. Once you get on the homeschool path, you are not required to prove anything about your child’s education relative to that of the same-aged kids who are in school.

Most states PRETEND you are allowed to homeschool, but still require that you teach most of the same stuff that kids learn in school, and that, at the end of each year, you can demonstrate your child knows what other kids of the same age know. This makes NO SENSE at all. “Teach him what you want, as long as he ends up learning what we think is important.” All this does is replicate the school method, at home. It is merely a change of venue, not an entirely different approach to education.

My issue, though, isn’t about homeschool vs. regular school. My concern is that the system our predecessors came up with to educate kids was created a LONG time ago. The education system has not been significantly revised, improved, or re-designed since then. Updating the content of the textbooks, and replacing notebooks with laptops, doesn’t really change anything. The system is still the same: “teachers” getting kids to memorize information, often without any useful or relevant context.

“Information is not knowledge.” –Albert Einstein

These are different times, which require a whole new skill set. Memorization (the pillar of our current system) is pointless in a world with Google and Wikipedia at everyone’s fingertips. Creativity, problem-solving, conflict resolution, and global awareness are just a few of the skills kids should be discovering in schools today… but aren’t.

Remember Sting’s song, Russians? “What might save us, me, and you, is if the Russians love their children too.” This means, if they love their kids as we love ours, then surely we won’t nuke each other.

Well, if WE loved our children, we wouldn’t leave them so ill-prepared for the future they will face.

If we loved our children, we would stop treating them like masses of sheep, needing to be herded mindlessly from grade to grade, and we would start honoring them as individuals. We would recognize that kids have different interests, different aptitudes, different ways of learning, and that every kid shouldn’t have to be an expert at every subject.

I was the perfect, well-rounded student. I had straight A’s in every subject, academic and extra-curricular. All this means is I am a “Jane of all trades, but master of NONE.” I dabbled in everything, but never specialized in anything. I have no skills in any one area that I love enough, or am good enough at, to dedicate myself to.

“Better know nothing than half-know many things.” –Friedrich Nietzsche

In school, I was never encouraged to think for myself, or to discover what I love more than anything else. School did not prepare me to find meaningful work in the real world. Schools taught me a bunch of random stuff, and they taught me how to follow directions. I learned how to win at any game in which the rules are clearly stated, and every player is bound by them. Life is not this kind of game.

Why are we still doing things this way? When we prepare our children for adulthood, whether in homeschools or regular schools, they should be learning:

How to find work that is meaningful to them, and makes a positive impact.

Compassion and respect for others, no matter how different they seem.

How to be healthy and whole, so they can love themselves and others, including their spouses and children.

A basic understanding of what came before (context), so they can appreciate what they have now, and build on it to create a better future.

How to think for themselves, be creative, and resourceful.

How to manage disappointments, failures, and stress in healthy, productive ways.

Pie in the sky, you think? This is too difficult or impractical, perhaps? Yeah… you’re probably right. We should just give up.

I guess we should stick to teaching our children how to memorize the same, useless, boring facts for 12, 16, 18, or 20 years, because that’s much easier for us than creating something new. After all, we are but products of that same system. We don’t question things. We don’t think for ourselves. And we sure as heck don’t come up with better ways to do things. We just stick to what we know… we do things the way they’ve always been done. Best not to make waves, or get in trouble.

When our kids get through with school, they can each, individually, struggle to unlearn a bunch of stuff and teach themselves what really matters. Why would we deprive them of the experience of re-inventing the wheel? Eventually, they will learn all of the truly important things they had access to all along, but were too busy memorizing facts, and jumping through hoops, to have the time to explore. Eventually, they will find themselves again, as we are all doing now.

Is this really the best we can do for our kids?

Really?!

If we know the system is broken, but we do nothing about it, what are we “teaching” our children?

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UPDATE: A friend just informed me of a (free) Charter school in Austin, where kids can attend for 4 hours each day, then spend the afternoons pursuing their passions, whether artistic, athletic, whatever.  I believe they are now full (no new enrollments), and I can see why, but the neat thing is that some communities are STARTING to try new and improved ways to help kids learn. We need more of these schools.

(Photo Credit)

What Are We “Teaching” Our Children? is a post from: Quest for Balance

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(Thank you, Miche, for sharing this video with me… I couldn’t get it out of my head.)

I’ve been thinking an awful lot about making the transition from homeschooling to unschooling Hunter, for many reasons. Maybe it all started with Leo’s post, Education Needs to be Turned on its Head. Or maybe it started back when I was in school and realized I was learning in spite of my teachers, and not because of them.

I recently joined an unschooling group on Facebook and found some interesting thoughts by people far more qualified to have an opinion on the matter than I am. Here are 15 of my favorite thoughts about education without commentary because, really, what can I possibly add to the words of these masters:

1. “It is a miracle that curiosity survives formal education.”
Albert Einstein

2. “What does education often do? It makes a straight-cut ditch of a free, meandering brook.”
Henry David Thoreau

3. “My grandmother wanted me to have an education, so she kept me out of school.”
Margaret Mead

4. “Nothing that is worth knowing can be taught.”
Oscar Wilde

5. “My schooling not only failed to teach me what it professed to be teaching, but prevented me from being educated to an extent which infuriates me when I think of all I might have learned at home by myself.”
George Bernard Shaw

6. “I loathed every day and regret every day I spent in school. I like to be taught to read and write and add and then be left alone.”
Woody Allen

7. “It is absurd and anti-life to be a part of a system that compels you to listen to a stranger reading poetry when you want to learn to construct buildings, or to sit with a stranger discussing the construction of buildings when you want to read poetry.”
John Taylor Gatto

8. “When I think back on all the crap I learned in high school, it’s a wonder I can think at all.”
Paul Simon

9. “Schools are designed on the assumption that there is a secret to everything in life; that the quality of life depends upon knowing that secret; that secrets can only be known in orderly successions; and that only teachers can properly reveal these secrets. An individual with a schooled mind conceives of the world as a pyramid of classified packages accessible only to those who carry the proper tags.”
Ivan Illich

10. “The only time my education was interrupted was when I was in school.”
George Bernard Shaw

11. “We are students of words; we are shut up in schools, and colleges, and recitation rooms, for ten or fifteen years, and come out at last with a bag of wind, a memory of words, and do not know a thing.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson

12. “Everybody gets so much information all day long that they lose their common sense.”
Gertrude Stein

13. “I hated school so intensely. It interfered with my freedom.”
Sigrid Undset (Nobel Prize winner)

14. “I do not believe much in education. Each man ought to be his own model, however frightful that may be.”
Albert Einstein

15. “In the end, the secret to learning is so simple: Think only about whatever you love. Follow it, do it, dream about it…and it will hit you: learning was there all the time, happening by itself.”
Grace Llewellyn

Hmmm… compelling… very compelling.

I know from homeschooling Hunter that I can teach him whatever I want, but he will only fully absorb and remember whatever HE is interested in. So, why am I wasting our time blabbing about all the stuff on the curriculum? This is only marginally better than wasting his time at school, because he is in the comfort of his own home.

I’m not a big fan of wasting time (our most precious resource).

I thought I might throw this question over to you, the wise and wonderful Quest for Balance readers, because then I can blame you if I end up messing up his whole future…

What are your thoughts about unschooling?

In favor? Against? Don’t give a rat’s arse?

Thanks!!

15 Brilliant Thoughts About Unschooling (and My Own) is a post from: Quest for Balance

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Let’s face it… we all want to torture our kids. And if we’re really honest about it, we’d like to thoroughly enjoy the process. After all, they won’t be kids forever. But, with so many interesting ways to torture them, how do we find the very best? I’m sure you each have your personal favorites, but I wanted to share my top five with you. It’s taken me years to perfect these techniques for maximum results, and now I find them completely delightful in every way. I hope you will enjoy them as much as I do:

1. Unplug Them

If your kids are anything like my son and his friends, they are hopelessly addicted to electronics. You can go around boasting about how you only “allow” them one hour of TV or video games each day, but the fact is, most kids will spend the remaining 23 hours counting down to their next “fix”. They have so many options for electronic highs these days, and all of these are carefully designed to bait and hook your children… sometimes it seems an impossible battle. But, as seen in the photo above, it can be done.

When you unplug your kids you will immediately notice two unexpected results: they don’t actually die, and they do eventually remember how to interact with real people. It takes a while, I’ll grant you that. First they’ll fuss and complain, say they’re bored and that there’s nothing at all to do. This is where the real torture comes in. You can say something like, “It sounds to me like you have become too dependent on electronics and have forgotten how to play like a kid. Maybe we should stay unplugged for the rest of the week so that you can relearn how to play.” Within minutes, they’ll be playing something, anything. Everybody wins!

2. Ignore Them

This technique is one that I have only recently mastered. In fact, prior to starting the blog I don’t think I ever ignored Hunter. Then I went through a transitional phase, during which I was ignoring him in order to work on the blog, but I felt terrible about it! It wasn’t delightful in the least! I was consumed with guilt that if I ignored him I would scar him for life, and if I abandoned the blog to be with him every second, I would emotionally scar countless millions of readers who have grown dependent on my sage advice (hey… it’s MY mental dialogue; I can enhance it as I see fit.)

So I did the altruistic (and perhaps a little selfish) thing and opted to continue with the blog. At first he paced, and pouted, and sulked around looking dreadfully neglected. But I pressed on and continued to ignore him, firmly believing in my cause. And guess what? Boredom turned into the slightest desire to find something to do. That led to a rediscovery of abandoned toys and all sorts of random things in his closet. Then his imagination went wild, and he started doing all sorts of creative things. Then I realized, when I wasn’t ignoring him, I was stifling his independence and creativity!

3. Nauseate Them

The best way to accomplish this is to force them to eat all sorts of colorful vegetables they hate, then make them get up off the couch to run around outside in the unbearable summer heat. A word of caution with this one: you’ll want to pick your battles. Food wars can reach epic proportions when you are trying to get a stubborn child to consume one of those awful things that somehow ended up with most of the nutritional content on the planet.

Sometimes it’s better to trick them into submission with reverse Jedi mind tricks. Instead of saying, “You WILL eat this lima bean and brussel sprout quiche,” try saying, “You CAN’T have this grown up food yet… maybe when you are a little older.” Then eat it in front of them all the time, so they get used to seeing and smelling it, and start to get a little curious. When they ask to try it the first time and don’t like it, you say, “I didn’t think you would yet… you’re not quite old enough for this.” Pretty soon they’ll be downright determined to master that grown up food, come what may.

4. Enslave Them

Everyone knows that one of the main benefits of having kids is the free slave labor. Once they get past being completely dependent, and before they realize we can’t actually FORCE them to do anything, there are a few years during which kids will do just about anything simply because you said so. I like to call this phase The Golden Era of child rearing. When you have a car full of groceries, you call the kids out to help bring them in. When all the beds in the house need to be made, you get the kids to make their own. When the garden needs to be tended to, you bring the kids out to help.

The beauty of making the most of this slave labor is that they learn some useful life skills along the way, while everyone gets to spend time together. On many occasions I’ve made Hunter help me prepare a lasagna or a meatloaf, simply to involve him in something I need to be doing anyway. While we work together in the kitchen, we talk and joke and infuse the meal with extra love. Although I often have to drag him in there, he always ends up saying how much he loves to cook with me. What can I say? I love doing anything with him.

5. Humiliate Them

This was my mother’s favorite technique, and I’m beginning to see why. She was a stubborn one. No matter how many times I told her I didn’t want to be hugged or kissed, she did it anyway. She even did it in front of my friends! The woman was merciless in her approach to torture. Then she would throw out I love you’s and all sorts of things that totally embarrassed me. My friends thought I had the best mom in the world. “Whatever.” That’s what I would SAY, but deep down I knew they were right… and I smiled inside.

So now it’s my turn to humiliate Hunter, and boy do I. Every chance I get, I’m stealing kisses and hugs, and threatening him with MORE kisses and hugs. I tell him I love him so often that he says, “I already know that!” in a bored and irritated tone. That’s when I know, the torture is working. When I say I love you and he’s sick of hearing it…I guess I’m doing a good job of making sure he’ll never forget that… No matter what.

Do yourself a favor, and torture your kids today. They’ll thank you for it later.

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Tuesdays through Thursdays, comments are closed on Quest for Balance (here’s why). Feel free to contact me directly at:

MyQuestForBalance (at) gmail (dot) com.

Obrigado!!!

5 Delightful Ways to Torture Your Children is a post from: Quest for Balance

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I don’t get it. I see these kids on TV and I am totally fascinated for the entire time they are on stage. They are talented and funny and gifted and fearless and charming and determined and, most importantly, four or five years old! But when I look around at all the kids I know who are that age, I don’t see any prospects of that.

Were these particular kids born that way? Did their parents force it upon them? Or was it just that each of these kids had a particular interest or talent which the parents then went WAY out of their way to cultivate? I don’t approve of the practice of forcing kids into stardom, whether it is academic or artistic or based on appearance. But these kids don’t appear to have been forced. They seem very happy and fulfilled, in fact.

What’s wrong with me?

All of this makes me wonder why I don’t have a whiz kid. It’s not that I WANT one, mind you; it’s just that I don’t understand what is lacking. Is it that my kid just isn’t capable of these amazing feats? Or, is it that I don’t do enough to help him be all that he can be?

When I see a four-year-old playing Mozart to perfection, I think, I can’t even get my son to GO to a piano lesson, much less practice or be dedicated.  Another child is reciting the Declaration of Independence and the I have a dream speech perfectly and eloquently. I can’t even get my son to read Dr. Seuss to me, unless he just happens to be in the mood for it. Granted, each kid has his or her own area of expertise. It would probably be impossible to get the pianist kid to recite historical speeches or the memory whiz to excel at the piano.

So, at least part of the trick lies in finding the one thing that each child likes, is fascinated by, or is good at. If my child is not a whiz kid by the age of 6, it is at least in part MY fault for not finding and cultivating his talents and interests. Is this something I should be actively trying to do? After all, is there anything wrong with a kid who is just a kid? Or, is “just a kid” something that happens to children whose parents fall short of the ideal?

Are we really talking about superstar kids, or superstar parents? I wonder what would motivate a parent to hone a child’s skills to such a level of perfection that he is then appearing on TV shows all over the country? Is the parent overcompensating for something? It seems like an awful lot of pressure to put on a young child.

On the other hand, if it isn’t about the parents at all, then the kids are just BORN superstars. Something in their genetic makeup allows them almost superhuman abilities in certain areas, which happen to make interesting TV shows. The parents are just there to watch it unfold.

Looking Ahead

What happens to these fantastic kids when they grow up? Maybe they are those amazing grown ups the rest of us can’t compete with. They are in a category all their own and always have been. Perhaps we should stop comparing ourselves to superstars, just as we should not compare our children to whiz kids.

It sounds terribly un-ambitious, but what’s wrong with being average? When I was in high school I stressed out about getting all A’s, but my mom would tell me to aim for B’s… “B stands for Balance,” she would say. When I took my written exam to be a pilot, I scored a 98; my dad “joked” that I “wasted” 28 points, since I only needed a 70 to pass. He said I overshot my landing and should’ve spent my time flying, instead of studying.

I guess both wanted me to know that most often “good enough” really is good enough, and balance is better than stressing about getting everything right. Maybe the Hothouse kids eventually crack under the pressure of having to be perfect and become sociopathic, taking on dysfunctional roles in society because all they ever really wanted was to be normal, and to be loved for who they are inside. Who knows?

I do know one thing: I have NO idea what the take home message is when I watch shows about whiz kids. It does have entertainment value, but at what cost? I am left feeling like something is terribly amiss. Either my child is lacking talents, or I am lacking as a parent. Either those kids are going to conquer the world (making life far more challenging for “average” kids), or they’ll end up wanting to destroy it. Either their parents are the very best or the very worst thing to ever happen to those kids. WHAT am I supposed to learn from this!? Perhaps if we had a little more background on the kids and how they got to be where they are, we could feel better about the whole thing.

Most likely though, I’m reading too much into it, and it just doesn’t matter at all. They are who THEY are, and my son is who HE is. Perhaps my son feels superhuman compassion and has an uncanny ability to connect one-on-one with those who need it most. But even if he does, that won’t ever make the headlines. Still, I think it’s worth recognizing. I DO have a super kid; his heart is made of solid Gold.

So, don’t let others erode your confidence or make you think you are doing it all wrong. Love your kids just as they are with all your heart… nothing else matters.

Were YOU a super-gifted kid? What are you going to tell your kids?

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Tuesdays through Thursdays, comments are closed on Quest for Balance (here’s why). Feel free to contact me directly at:

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Or, if you prefer, you can tweet me @Serene_Balance.

Thanks!

Is Being “Gifted” Really a Good Thing? is a post from: Quest for Balance

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I never thought I would choose to homeschool my son

Ever since I left my career to stay home with my baby, I assumed it would be temporary — just until he started school. Then, I figured, I would have time to work, go back to school, or write the great American novel.

There are a million reasons why parents choose to homeschool (or not), but in our case the reason was mostly medical. Just before he was due to start Kinder, my son had a somewhat routine (if there is such a thing) surgery that went… let’s just say, awry. (You can read more about it in Overcoming Challenges.) With the surgeon’s blessing we still enrolled him in school, but as he suffered more complications, and later needed a repair surgery, titanium screws, and a halo, we opted to keep him home.

Since I had never planned to homeschool, I felt behind the curve; I had no idea where to begin, what to teach, for how long, etc. After much research and deliberation, I settled on The Well Trained Mind, a curriculum that will provide him a chronological, classical education.

Making the decision to homeschool can be a pretty big deal, and fairly intimidating. For me it was scarier than deciding to jump out of an airplane. So many questions kept running through my head. The main one, of course, was choosing whether to do it.

Will he turn out fine, or am I ruining his entire future?

The thing I keep in mind here is that the decision is not irreversible, so it’s really not as dramatic as it seems. We can try it out, particularly in the earlier grades, and decide if it is right for us. If not, he can always go back to regular school.

What are the legal requirements for my state?

I found everything I needed at the Home School Legal Defense Association. I only have to provide a record of attendance (180 school days per year), and start the standardized tests of my choosing in third grade.

Am I qualified to teach my child?

I am now convinced, there is no one more qualified to teach my own child than ME. In fact, even if I chose public school, I would be as involved as possible. I know him, and love him, and want to prepare him for life. I can provide structure and continuity. I also love to learn; there is no better way to learn a subject than to teach it.

Is it the right thing for this child?

Although I LOVE homeschooling for us, I don’t believe it is for everyone. The personality of both the parent and the child should be well suited to specialized, one-on-one, loosely structured, in depth learning. My son learns best this way. Our school day is nowhere near as long as it would be in public school, but he seems to be well ahead of his peers in all subjects because he enjoys the process.

Having said that, I go out of my way to provide opportunities for social interaction, conflict and compromise with kids his age (not just other homeschoolers, but regular, public school kids). My sister’s child, on the other hand, thrives in a social, loud, chaotic environment; she loves to be the center of attention and the life of the party. She, I believe, is more suited to regular school. Parents know their kids best.

What should I teach him?

This issue nearly drove me nuts because there are SO many options for curriculums and class materials. I wanted a secular, classical education that I could use as a framework around which my son could learn to be curious, resourceful, creative, and capable. I put a lot of emphasis on the three R’s, figuring that if he has a strong foundation, he can learn anything he wants later. I also model for him my own passion for reading and my view of learning as a never-ending adventure. I don’t spend a lot of money on special books and materials, because most of what we need is available at the local library (or, on Ebay).

What about a diploma, and college?

My approach is, I’ll research our options when we get a little closer. Right now I’m focused on grades 1 through 4. Later I’ll have to decide if he would get more from a regular school with specialized teachers for math and science (his favorite subjects). If so, he’ll have time to do all the traditional stuff, including the SAT and a high school diploma. But right now, today, I don’t have to worry about that.

What is the biggest challenge?

My greatest challenge is self-doubt; but that’s just my nature. It is a little tough because I don’t have any valid comparisons to know how he is doing relative to other kids. Although we know three other second grade friends who are in three different public schools, we are basically apples to their oranges.

For instance, our curriculum is chronological, from the ancient times in first grade, through modern times (which includes the United States) in fourth grade. Theirs starts with local, current issues and skips around throughout history based on topics, rather than a timeline. It’s not fair to either child to compare him with the other.

What are the rewards?

There are so many rewards in terms of his development and interest in learning, as well as the benefits of a simple lifestyle (low-stress, sleep in late, stay in PJs, travel, spend time together). But also, home schooling has helped me view each day and each experience as a learning opportunity for both of us. I spend more time seeing the world through the eyes of a child: noticing the little things and finding the wonder in everything.

My greatest surprise as I have taken on the role of his academic tutor, is he has actually become my spiritual role model. The most basic example of this is how, without being aware of it, he teaches me to focus on what we are doing (to stay present in the moment).

When we start a new math worksheet, he scans the whole thing and asks about the last questions — the more complex and interesting part. I say, “We’re not there yet; focus on what we are doing right now.” He looks at the current problem and perhaps it reminds him of something he once did with building blocks. I say, “That’s right!” I congratulate him on associating our lesson to something he already knew, then I say, “Now, let’s focus on what we are doing today, this page, this problem. Only this matters right now.” And then it hits me that the best way for me to get through life is in the same way. I’ve tried for so long to live in the moment and I’m finally learning how to do it.

Like most kids, my son lives in the present moment. He doesn’t worry about what was or what will be; he doesn’t plan far in advance and he doesn’t live with regrets or lasting sorrows. He lets painful memories slip away with ease, and focuses all his energy on his current interests. He needs very little to be happy, and makes the most of each day. He considers consequences and makes wise choices. He does what is right, even when he would rather do otherwise. He enjoys the company of others when they are around, and is perfectly content to be alone the rest of the time. I’ve heard it said that “when a student is ready, the master appears”; but I have to wonder, which of us is the student?

What does any of this have to do with YOU?

Maybe it’s not homeschooling, but there’s some other big decision you’ve been putting off out of fear of the unknown. I guess I’m saying, consider this your reminder to get out there, push the limits, try new things, and take some chances. You never know what wonders you’ll discover along the way.

Homeschooling and Other Big Decisions is a post from: Quest for Balance

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