I read Lisis’ list of Five Steps to Finding Fulfillment with great respect and enjoyment, too. Let’s take a quick look at what she teaches us.

Just be. Because we all do breathe, eat, and sleep. Also the ability of just being is also something highly valuable. Then, be safe. Because you don’t want to be kidnapped, and financial security is a good thing, too. Be social. We love friends, and dating is awesome, too. The list goes on, be strong. And that’s not just lifting weights. And finally – everybody knows a smile has godly healing powers: be happy.

I decided to break out of the Maslow pyramid that Lisis used to organize the steps. I treat being honest as the cloud around the pyramid, which applies to all its levels.

These are goals in our lives that most of us try to reach. I’ve been working on them, with some very delighting results in my everyday life. However, there was one thing that was complicating the process: I tried to ease my tasks. How? By lying.

When you are not used to facing and accepting the truths, hiding them and sweeping them away seems much easier. Often you invent a second reality, that seems more comfortable to live in. You lie to your parents, to your friends, and end up with lying to yourself. That’s the moment when you don’t even realize that you’re lying.

Sometimes I even lied about things (and we all had), that didn’t even make sense (exaggerating, leaving out little details). And that’s the worst, when you lie to yourself and don’t even realize, you are so used to it. I caught myself lying quite a few times to realize that I have to take another step: be honest.

Be Honest With Others

There’s an old Hungarian saying, “An untrue man is caught faster than a halting dog,” which has proven to be true so many times. By being honest to others you will see many improvements over your life. You will gain respect. People sense it when someone is untrue, and vice verse. If you will aim to be honest, you will be more respected within your community. You will be able to avoid all the hassle that is usually caused when a lie is found out (oh yeah, lies are always found out)!

We all lied now or then, we all know how it feels, right? You know the success that you feel.. “another little trouble passed by,” maybe the twinge of conscience that is produced. Lying evokes ambivalent feelings.

Let’s look at the other side. The most powerful feelings evoked by truth are usually pride (sometimes you have to be really strong to be able to speak it out,) happiness, cleanliness and balance. These are all positive values. Yes, of course, you can argue: shame! Think about it, when do you feel ashamed? When you tell the truth, or when you admit something wrong that you have done? When you admit that you lied about the very same thing before?

Most Important: Be Honest To Yourself

At an interpretation session for A Midsummer Night’s Dream, our theatre group leader said, that from time to time, you can lie to other people. You can lie to friends and family, to strangers. You can lie to everybody. One thing you must always respect: be true to yourself. (Well, that might not have been the most ethical advice he has ever given us, however, there’s some wisdom in it, I believe.)

If you lie to yourself, then you do not know yourself.

If you do not know yourself, than it doesn’t matter anymore if others know you.

Consequently, if you lie to yourself, then you don’t even give others the chance to get to really know you. Your social life directly relates to your honesty.

Last year, I stuffed up a lot of tasks at the Student’s Council in our school, while still keeping my daily activities. What I took on was impossible to accomplish. I rather drank seas of coffee, and stayed up several night until dawn, instead of admitting that I just can’t do more. I cheated on myself, regarding my strength, and that jeopardized my safety, and my being after all. And that is just one example of lying to yourself. One from many I’ve seen or experienced.

Truth is always the right choice.

I’d like to finish this article with a citation that one of my readers left on my blog as one of the first comments I ever received. I think it very nicely presents how obvious the little truths of life are:

“Telling the truth is easy and pleasant.”

What about YOU?

Do you think telling the truth is easy, pleasant, and necessary? Can we lie to ourselves or others and expect to have meaningful relationships? If you are not being true to yourself, then isn’t everything else a lie?

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The Sixth Step to Finding Fulfillment: Be Honest is a post from: Quest for Balance

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Last Wednesday I started this series of Road to Freedom Updates, in order to keep you involved in the more practical side of our big decision to leave the rat race with no Plan B. In case you missed it, you may want to check out RTF Update #1 first.

The biggest news I have for you is that our road trip will officially begin today! Around lunch time we will embark on the first leg of the trip, from Georgia to North Carolina. We had originally planned to leave tomorrow, but the extraordinary kindness of friends allowed us to get a head start and spend an extra day with Nadia in New York City! So…

Start spreading the news: We’re leaving TODAY!!!

This means, of course, that starting this afternoon I may not be able to reply to comments as quickly as I normally do. But I hope you will still stop by and leave me your thoughts, questions or suggestions, because I will be checking them and replying as soon as I can.

Road to Freedom Update #2:

1. Frugality – The minute it became official that we would no longer have an income, something clicked in my brain, switching over to “SURVIVAL” mode. The first thing to go, as I mentioned last time, was my coffee creamer. After years of indulging in coffee that tastes like dessert, I started using milk instead. After a day or so, I switched to black coffee with sugar. Now I know why spices were more valuable than gold in ancient times… they can make anything palatable.

For more ideas of simple ways to cut back on costs and make every penny stretch as far as it can, I contacted my friend Sherri (from Serene Journey). I don’t know anyone who knows more about frugality than she does, so I’ve asked her to put together some of her most practical and useful tips to help us out.

She was out of town when I asked her, but as soon as I get her advice, I will share it with you. I’m assuming I’m not the only one who could benefit from learning how to make limited funds last a little longer.

2. Theft – My next door neighbors have had a vegetable garden since early spring. I never even thought much about it, other than what a neat project it was for the girls. Well, the other night I felt like Peter Rabbit stealing produce from Mr. McGregor’s garden.

I could see from the road that several tomatoes were incredibly ripe, and I knew the neighbors were gone on a week-long vacation. I thought about this food source just going to waste, rotting on the vine, and couldn’t stand it; so I went and picked them instead.

Now, in truth, I know she won’t mind because we are actually fairly close. But it was interesting to me to note the change in my way of thinking, from taking food for granted to… well, “stealing” from my neighbor’s garden because no food should go to waste.

It’s easier for me to appreciate some of the things people do out of desperation when they have been without food or income for a while. We really shouldn’t judge, unless we’ve walked a mile in their shoes. Our circumstances can greatly affect the way we see the world, and the choices we make.

3. Laziness – Up until recently, I always bought canned beans because they are so much more convenient than the MUCH cheaper dry beans. Without any forethought or planning, beans are always right there, ready to go.

Well, I’ve gotten over my laziness and now I’m cooking legumes the old fashioned way… sort through them, rinse them, and cook them slowly for what seems like an eternity. For the price of one can, I now get the equivalent of five or six cans.

I also used to buy my produce at the grocery store because it was easier than getting some things there, then driving to the curbside market to get the cheaper, locally grown produce (even though it tastes much better). We’ve dropped that habit, along with using the air conditioner or clothes dryer for every little thing. I can dry my sheets and towels outside, and we can tolerate feeling a little uncomfortable from the heat, just like we do when we go to the beach.

I must reiterate what I said last week: I should have been doing these things all along. Comfort and laziness made me wasteful.

Bottom Line: If we had this decision to make over again, would we do it? 100% YES.

What about YOU?

Have you been more wasteful than you need to be? Do you have your own frugality tips to help us stretch every penny?

Thanks!!!

Road to Freedom Update #2: Rethinking the Basics is a post from: Quest for Balance

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When I was in college I read The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy novels by Doulgas Adams, or as they are often referred to, “a trilogy in five parts”. I didn’t realize it at the time, but everything I needed to know about life, the universe, and everything was somewhere in those books. Granted, I had to sift through a considerable amount of nonsense to get to the good stuff, but then, isn’t that exactly how life works?

Here are ten passages from The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy that I think make particularly useful life lessons. I hope you’ll find a lot of good stuff here as well.

1. “There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.”

It has always baffled me that so many people are fanatically devoted to finding THE Truth… the one and only answer to everything that should apply to everyone at all times. I just don’t think it works that way… there are too many variables, and not enough absolutes. Even if we could find the answer today, I believe it would no longer apply tomorrow.

Everything is constantly changing. Nothing lasts. Maybe if we weren’t so worried about finding the right answers, we could focus on enjoying the questions, the uncertainties, the endless options and opportunities. Believe it or not, there is a liberating joy in NOT knowing.

2. “Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.”

What is it with people these days? We barely communicate at all unless it is to spread bad news, or gossip, or fear. Is it the fact that misery loves company? If I’m unhappy, do I want to hear about everyone else who is more unhappy so I can feel better? Or maybe it’s that bad news helps us appreciate what we have for a brief moment in time… until we start taking it for granted again.

If we could figure out what those “special laws” are that make bad news spread so quickly, maybe we could apply them to good news, positivity, and stories of compassion and kindness. What if those spread like wild fire and were covered in the media around the clock? We might actually start feeling pretty good about ourselves and the world we live in. I try not to pay attention to the bad stuff, since it doesn’t seem to make anything better.

3. “Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.”

On many occasions I have had the opportunity to play armchair psychologist for family and friends… and a few random strangers I’ve met in the ladies room of restaurants, clubs, and bars, because that’s where women always end up crying when their dates are less than stellar. But my point is, when these people seek my advice and counsel, they do so in a determined and convincing way.

And yet, when I’m done sharing my experiences and life lessons, they usually ignore everything I tell them and go back to doing exactly what they were doing before (and hoping for different results). At first I took this personally, and got very frustrated, not wanting to help anyone. Then I realized it isn’t really about the advice since they won’t learn from MY experiences anyway. What helps is the listening, sharing, and caring, regardless of the results.

4. “Ah, this is obviously some strange usage of the word ‘safe’ that I wasn’t previously aware of.”

This lesson is currently being drilled into our heads from all around us. Remember the days when corporate jobs, retirement accounts, medical insurance, and investing in a home were all considered “safe”? The “safe” route to happiness was to get good grades, go to college, find a prestigious career, make a lot of money, get married, and have a few kids. This was what they all but promised us when we were growing up… if you do these things, you will be playing it safe.

“Safe”? Really?! Because that “safe” path has led numerous people into situations of complete misery: unfulfilling work, depleted life savings, complicated divorces, denied medical claims… these have been the result of staying on the “safe” path. You know what? I think I’ll take my chances on the other one. Call it what you want, at least there I have a real chance at happiness.

5. “The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair.”

We are constantly planning and scheming, trying to avoid all the little things that might go wrong. There’s insurance, emergency funds, and all the other things we have and do “just in case” something unexpected happens. But the truth is, those are hardly ever a problem. What really happens, and knocks the wind out of us, is what we never expect and can’t do anything about, like the loss of a loved one, divorce, recession…

When THOSE things happen, we simply are not prepared… how could we be? How could I have been prepared for my mom to die when I was 25? That was one of those things that are just NOT supposed to happen. But the important thing is that even after those huge, unexpected things happen, life goes on. We worry ourselves to death over dumb little things that could be easily dealt with if they actually came to pass, and they rarely do.

6. “Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.”

This is true for just about any job or role in life: if they can talk the talk, they often can’t walk the walk. Campaigning is vastly different from managing or leading a country. Sweet talking Casanovas who have all the right moves and know just what to say are not usually marriage material. Often what it takes to GET the job is totally different from what it takes to DO the job.

We need to learn to look past appearances, past the deliberate attempt at seeming perfect, to see the REAL person inside. REAL people are not perfect; they are rough around the edges, make mistakes, learn from them, and keep going… and that’s exactly what it takes to get the job done.

7. “Space is big. You just won’t believe how vastly, hugely, mind- bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it’s a long way down the road to the chemist’s, but that’s just peanuts to space.”

What is needed is a shift in perspective. Does any of this really matter in the long run? All the little things that stress us out and make us suffer… are they worth all that? Sometimes I sit and watch an anthill after my son has poked it with a stick (because what kid can walk past an anthill and NOT disturb it?) and try to imagine what each little ant is thinking.

They are running around, stressed out about the fiasco, worried about how they will get it fixed in time for night, or rain, or winter. Maybe they are cursing the fates because everything they worked so hard to achieve is now completely destroyed. For all I know, an ant or two had a heart attack from the stress and anxiety!

Then I think of the human colony as just another little tribe on a tiny patch of earth in an enormous universe. How are we any different? Why do WE stress out about our “little crises”? Things will work themselves out… they always do.

8. “He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which.”

People always like to attribute success to genius… or to some rare quality that one individual possesses that the rest of us don’t, because that excuses us from achieving anything great. But the fact is, most successful people did not start out as super-gifted prodigies. They were ordinary people, maybe even naive and incompetent people, who just didn’t give up.

They practiced, asked questions, tried things, made mistakes, took chances,and kept at it until… eventually, they succeeded. At least, this is what I’d like to believe, because I’m in that second category… my strategy is asking questions, trial and error, and perseverance.

9. “I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.”

Society’s rules and rigidity are a little laughable to me. For most of us, if we miss a deadline or fail to deliver, nothing major happens. Yet everyone likes to act like if we don’t cross our t’s and dot our i’s, the world will fall apart. I think it’s great to have goals, to aim for something in life, to make plans and set “soft” deadlines. But we should recognize that they are merely suggestions, only valid if every variable works out as we expected… which is hardly ever the case.

Expecting everything to work out as planned is a sure recipe for disappointment. Instead, head in a certain direction, and make the necessary adjustments along the way.

10. “I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.”

(Really? You want me to elaborate on this?)

*

If you enjoyed this post… or you’re a fan of Douglas Adams and The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, I sure would appreciate a Stumble! 

Tuesdays through Thursdays, comments are closed on Quest for Balance (here’s why). Feel free to contact me directly at:

MyQuestForBalance (at) gmail (dot) com.

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10 Reasons Why Douglas Adams Might as Well Be a Guru is a post from: Quest for Balance

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If you’re looking for a How-To guide, you’ve come to the wrong place; I can assure you, I am the wrong person to advise you on that. However, Darren Rowse at ProBlogger has a ton of tips and great information for you.

No, what I’d like to discuss is something a little different: the question of why “The M-Word” is taboo among this genre of blogs. If you have a blog about finance, technology, or blogging, it is perfectly reasonable (and expected) for you to make money from it. I’ve even seen figures thrown around like $20K to $40K per month! That’s considered a good thing; something to aspire to… in those circles.

Enter Personal Development, or the more spiritual and selfless side of blogging. A recent post by my dear friend Michael from Love To Spare got me thinking about this issue. The post itself, Look Mom – No Ads, was about advertising, but the comments made me start to pay attention to the larger question of making money with personal development blogs.

Most bloggers who get into this space (myself included) are primarily driven by a need to help others. We’re idealists… we want to make the world a better place. Many of our readers are also this way. So we are all happy and comfortable… until “The M-Word” comes up. I get the sense that some readers feel like, “If you really cared about us or the world, you wouldn’t do this for money.”

Perhaps.

Money, ironically, cheapens things. Just typing the word repeatedly makes me feel a little tawdry. Yuck! And yet, it –money–is a necessity in this world.

What about the Noble Eightfold Path, and the concept of Right Livelihood? Are we not encouraged in most spiritual traditions to leave our meaningless, wealth-increasing jobs, in favor of a livelihood that makes us, and the world around us, better?

I have a confession: I would like to make blogging my livelihood.

There, I said it.

If you find that offensive, I am so sorry. But it is the truth. I love what I am doing. I love writing, and I love helping people more than anything. But I also love my husband, who, for as long as I can remember, has worked in an unfulfilling career to provide for us, and to enable me to stay home, educating our son. I would love for him to be able to quit and find what he is truly passionate about.

I love my extended family, and all my friends who are struggling to make ends meet; I would give anything to be able to help them. I even love complete strangers who, for whatever reason, now have no home, no food, no options… and I would like to help them too. I love the endangered species in Costa Rica and would like to do what I can to save their habitats. I could go on…

In short, money helps. It isn’t always about consumerism and keeping up with the Joneses. For me, at least, the idea of financial rewards for a blog that endeavors to help as many as possible, and make the world a better place, is not obscene. It is a noble goal. At least, I think so.

What do YOU think?

If, like me, you are interested in making a living by helping others through your blog, you may want to consider downloading Chris Guillebeau’s free manifesto: 279 Days To Overnight Success. It’s a fantastic place to start.

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Make Money with Your Personal Development Blog is a post from: Quest for Balance

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I am not a health-nut, by any stretch of the imagination, and I do not come from a family with “skinny” genes. Let’s be clear about how much I dislike exercise: I would rather go to the dentist than to the gym; and keep in mind, I had my orthodontic work done in a third world country in the early 80′s, when anesthesia was a luxury few could afford.

It should also be noted that I love, love, love some not-so-slimming foods. If I thought I could get away with it, I would eat nothing but these three things:

• Breads – baguettes, pastries, bagels, tortillas, crackers, etc.
• Cheeses – preferably melted on the breads!
• Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream – one pint averages about 1000 calories of perfection.

And yet, I am still wearing the same size clothes that I wore in high school. I believe there are two reasons for this:

1. Money - I can’t afford to buy a whole new set of clothes the next size up. Nor can I afford to eat all the fancy (often fattening) pre-packaged foods I love, or going out to eat on any sort of regular basis. In short, when finances are slim, so is my waistline. That’s one good thing about this economy.

2. Mind Games - Whenever I am trying to decide whether to eat or not to eat, I play this little mind game: I try to discover which part of me is thinking about food. If it is, in fact, my stomach needing fuel, I look for “fregetables” (fruits or vegetables in a variety of colors.) Since I’m not very active, as noted above, usually one baked potato, Red Delicious apple, or bowl of broccoli can satiate my hunger. But sometimes, it’s not actually my stomach that is “hungry”. It could be my:

Brain – In this case, I am just bored and looking for amusement–something to DO. Instead of looking in the kitchen, I should look through my books or, better yet, tell my son I’m bored and you can bet he’ll come up with 10 things we could do together.

Heart – Maybe I am feeling sad or lonely, and I’m seeking the comfort of food. Since I feel bad about something (myself?) I want to find something that will make me feel better, even if it is only temporary. This one is responsible for most of my Ben & Jerry’s pints. Instead, I should call a friend, write in my journal, or read a motivational blog.

Joy – Conversely, maybe I just got really good news and want to celebrate. Most often we celebrate with food and drink; but does it have to be so? What if we celebrated by going out to the lake to feed the ducks and watch my son run around and play?

Nerves – Sometimes I am anxious or worried, like when my son was in the hospital, and I am just looking for a distraction. During these times I should definitely call a friend, write in my journal, or try to help someone else. When we focus on other people’s problems, ours don’t seem as daunting.

Wallet - On payday, it can be tough to resist the temptation to “treat ourselves” to a nice meal somewhere. Particularly if we spent the last week of the month scrounging through the old pantry items for something edible, waiting for the next paycheck. Instead, we should spend on our regular groceries, and put the rest in savings–or give it to someone in need.

I’m sure there are countless other reasons why we instinctively reach for food that have nothing to do with fueling our body with the nutrients we need. After all, food has become the accessible, affordable, and socially acceptable “drug” to treat all conditions. Is it any wonder our nation is struggling with obesity?

The next time you start craving foods, try to determine if it is really food you need… unless you are pregnant; in which case, eat whatever you want. =-)

Related Posts: Choose Wisely | Do You Seek Happiness or Pleasure?

Helpful Links: Lose the Buddha Belly | Eat Healthier

Further Reading: Eat This Not That! | In Defense of Food | The Omnivore’s Dilemma

How to Avoid Gaining Weight is a post from: Quest for Balance

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