When I was in college I read The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy novels by Doulgas Adams, or as they are often referred to, “a trilogy in five parts”. I didn’t realize it at the time, but everything I needed to know about life, the universe, and everything was somewhere in those books. Granted, I had to sift through a considerable amount of nonsense to get to the good stuff, but then, isn’t that exactly how life works?

Here are ten passages from The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy that I think make particularly useful life lessons. I hope you’ll find a lot of good stuff here as well.

1. “There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.”

It has always baffled me that so many people are fanatically devoted to finding THE Truth… the one and only answer to everything that should apply to everyone at all times. I just don’t think it works that way… there are too many variables, and not enough absolutes. Even if we could find the answer today, I believe it would no longer apply tomorrow.

Everything is constantly changing. Nothing lasts. Maybe if we weren’t so worried about finding the right answers, we could focus on enjoying the questions, the uncertainties, the endless options and opportunities. Believe it or not, there is a liberating joy in NOT knowing.

2. “Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.”

What is it with people these days? We barely communicate at all unless it is to spread bad news, or gossip, or fear. Is it the fact that misery loves company? If I’m unhappy, do I want to hear about everyone else who is more unhappy so I can feel better? Or maybe it’s that bad news helps us appreciate what we have for a brief moment in time… until we start taking it for granted again.

If we could figure out what those “special laws” are that make bad news spread so quickly, maybe we could apply them to good news, positivity, and stories of compassion and kindness. What if those spread like wild fire and were covered in the media around the clock? We might actually start feeling pretty good about ourselves and the world we live in. I try not to pay attention to the bad stuff, since it doesn’t seem to make anything better.

3. “Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so.”

On many occasions I have had the opportunity to play armchair psychologist for family and friends… and a few random strangers I’ve met in the ladies room of restaurants, clubs, and bars, because that’s where women always end up crying when their dates are less than stellar. But my point is, when these people seek my advice and counsel, they do so in a determined and convincing way.

And yet, when I’m done sharing my experiences and life lessons, they usually ignore everything I tell them and go back to doing exactly what they were doing before (and hoping for different results). At first I took this personally, and got very frustrated, not wanting to help anyone. Then I realized it isn’t really about the advice since they won’t learn from MY experiences anyway. What helps is the listening, sharing, and caring, regardless of the results.

4. “Ah, this is obviously some strange usage of the word ‘safe’ that I wasn’t previously aware of.”

This lesson is currently being drilled into our heads from all around us. Remember the days when corporate jobs, retirement accounts, medical insurance, and investing in a home were all considered “safe”? The “safe” route to happiness was to get good grades, go to college, find a prestigious career, make a lot of money, get married, and have a few kids. This was what they all but promised us when we were growing up… if you do these things, you will be playing it safe.

“Safe”? Really?! Because that “safe” path has led numerous people into situations of complete misery: unfulfilling work, depleted life savings, complicated divorces, denied medical claims… these have been the result of staying on the “safe” path. You know what? I think I’ll take my chances on the other one. Call it what you want, at least there I have a real chance at happiness.

5. “The major difference between a thing that might go wrong and a thing that cannot possibly go wrong is that when a thing that cannot possibly go wrong goes wrong it usually turns out to be impossible to get at or repair.”

We are constantly planning and scheming, trying to avoid all the little things that might go wrong. There’s insurance, emergency funds, and all the other things we have and do “just in case” something unexpected happens. But the truth is, those are hardly ever a problem. What really happens, and knocks the wind out of us, is what we never expect and can’t do anything about, like the loss of a loved one, divorce, recession…

When THOSE things happen, we simply are not prepared… how could we be? How could I have been prepared for my mom to die when I was 25? That was one of those things that are just NOT supposed to happen. But the important thing is that even after those huge, unexpected things happen, life goes on. We worry ourselves to death over dumb little things that could be easily dealt with if they actually came to pass, and they rarely do.

6. “Anyone who is capable of getting themselves made President should on no account be allowed to do the job.”

This is true for just about any job or role in life: if they can talk the talk, they often can’t walk the walk. Campaigning is vastly different from managing or leading a country. Sweet talking Casanovas who have all the right moves and know just what to say are not usually marriage material. Often what it takes to GET the job is totally different from what it takes to DO the job.

We need to learn to look past appearances, past the deliberate attempt at seeming perfect, to see the REAL person inside. REAL people are not perfect; they are rough around the edges, make mistakes, learn from them, and keep going… and that’s exactly what it takes to get the job done.

7. “Space is big. You just won’t believe how vastly, hugely, mind- bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it’s a long way down the road to the chemist’s, but that’s just peanuts to space.”

What is needed is a shift in perspective. Does any of this really matter in the long run? All the little things that stress us out and make us suffer… are they worth all that? Sometimes I sit and watch an anthill after my son has poked it with a stick (because what kid can walk past an anthill and NOT disturb it?) and try to imagine what each little ant is thinking.

They are running around, stressed out about the fiasco, worried about how they will get it fixed in time for night, or rain, or winter. Maybe they are cursing the fates because everything they worked so hard to achieve is now completely destroyed. For all I know, an ant or two had a heart attack from the stress and anxiety!

Then I think of the human colony as just another little tribe on a tiny patch of earth in an enormous universe. How are we any different? Why do WE stress out about our “little crises”? Things will work themselves out… they always do.

8. “He attacked everything in life with a mix of extraordinary genius and naive incompetence, and it was often difficult to tell which was which.”

People always like to attribute success to genius… or to some rare quality that one individual possesses that the rest of us don’t, because that excuses us from achieving anything great. But the fact is, most successful people did not start out as super-gifted prodigies. They were ordinary people, maybe even naive and incompetent people, who just didn’t give up.

They practiced, asked questions, tried things, made mistakes, took chances,and kept at it until… eventually, they succeeded. At least, this is what I’d like to believe, because I’m in that second category… my strategy is asking questions, trial and error, and perseverance.

9. “I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.”

Society’s rules and rigidity are a little laughable to me. For most of us, if we miss a deadline or fail to deliver, nothing major happens. Yet everyone likes to act like if we don’t cross our t’s and dot our i’s, the world will fall apart. I think it’s great to have goals, to aim for something in life, to make plans and set “soft” deadlines. But we should recognize that they are merely suggestions, only valid if every variable works out as we expected… which is hardly ever the case.

Expecting everything to work out as planned is a sure recipe for disappointment. Instead, head in a certain direction, and make the necessary adjustments along the way.

10. “I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I think I have ended up where I needed to be.”

(Really? You want me to elaborate on this?)

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If you enjoyed this post… or you’re a fan of Douglas Adams and The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy, I sure would appreciate a Stumble! 

Tuesdays through Thursdays, comments are closed on Quest for Balance (here’s why). Feel free to contact me directly at:

MyQuestForBalance (at) gmail (dot) com.

(Photo Credit)

10 Reasons Why Douglas Adams Might as Well Be a Guru is a post from: Quest for Balance

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This week I’m feeling a little crabby, cranky, cantankerous, and any other word that starts with C and means, “I’m not particularly happy about having to wake up at 4:00 am to manually publish my posts!”

Some of you may have noticed something a little different this week at Quest For Balance. Usually my posts run on a very regular schedule. They get published at 3:30 am, and the email goes out around 5:00 am… just in time for morning coffee. I like it this way; it’s comforting, like the old newspaper delivery schedule. But this week something has broken!

I have NO idea what happened, because I didn’t change anything. One day I woke up and found no new post. I checked “back stage” and it said, Missed Schedule in bright red letters.

Well, no kidding! I can SEE it missed the schedule… but WHY!?!?! How about a more helpful message, like: “This useless software couldn’t publish your post because this particular thing needs to be fixed. And, by the way, this is how you fix it.”

Now THAT is a message I’d like to see in bright red letters.

So, I did the only rational thing I could think of and tweeted out my little crisis in search of quick suggestions. Jay came to the rescue right away with a troubleshooting technique that allows me to at least FORCE the post out. Then Glen started hinting at the source of the problem, providing a few more suggestions which are still being worked on as I type.

My initial reaction to this frustration, which had something to do with throwing the computer out the window onto the driveway and running over it with my car, would not have been the most productive technique. So instead, I did two very important things:

1. I reached out to others who might be able to help me, since they have a clue.

2. I tried to find things that would distract or amuse me during the inevitable waiting phase… while I wait for this to get fixed, so that I don’t focus on feeling helpless.

So, for today’s Fellowship Fridays post, I want to share with you five blogs that I find wonderfully amusing and entertaining, and that save my sanity when I’m feeling particularly frustrated. Maybe one of these days they will save you, too!

Si Dawson

Keeping Up With Mom

Tremendous News

Tiny Art Director

My Milk Toof

Do you have any good techniques for dealing with major frustrations? Better yet, do you know what is wrong with my WordPress scheduling thingy, and how I can fix it? Believe me, I am far more likable when I get all the sleep I need.

Thanks!!!

Fellowship Fridays: Dealing with Frustration is a post from: Quest for Balance

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“The life of inner peace, being harmonious and without stress, is the easiest type of existence.” –Norman Vincent Peale

My life is generally very serene and balanced. But my recent ordeal with immigration in Costa Rica, got me thinking about ways to manage stressful situations. So I started looking around the Fellowship of the Blogs to learn how others deal with stress. I usually include five links on Fellowship Fridays, but stress is a BIG deal. Here are ten of my favorite finds:

1. Alex Shalman brings us Anti-Productivity: 30 Ways To Slow Down And Relax Like A Cat.

2. Leo Babauta’s Zen Habits explains Simple Living Simplified: 10 Things You Can Do Today to Simplify Your Life.

3. Jonathan Mead, of Illuminated Mind, tells us Why Trying To Be Productive Is a Huge Waste Of Time.

4. Tim Brownson, of A Daring Adventure, reveals that Stress Is A Myth.

5. Tsh Oxenreider reminds us in Simple Mom that Home Management Notebooks Are A Great Idea to help make our lives less stressful.

6. Julian Rosser of Present Outlook kindly shares 9 Tips To Create An Extra Hour In Your Day.

7. I learned How To Deal With Stress Positively from Positively Present.

8. David Cain tells us in Raptitude about How To Keep Life Fresh, For Free.

9. Nadia Ballas-Ruta, from Happy Lotus, shares with us The Second Step To Happiness.

10. Roger, in A Content Life, tells us how to go From Aggravated To Relaxed in 158 Seconds.

“The time to relax is when you don’t have time for it.” –Sydney J. Harris

Fellowship Fridays: Stress Management Tips and Techniques is a post from: Quest for Balance

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When my husband took this picture, he was standing beside the “living fence” in my sister’s yard. He noticed that, on this particularly windy day, someone had started a burn pile in the adjacent field… and walked away. No one (but Jeff) was watching this fire; there was no one to keep it under control.

This is a close-up of the living fence… the only thing between my sister’s yard and the neglected fire. We watched the fire burn and spread, as the wind blew it steadily towards us. We were starting to feel a bit uncomfortable and completely helpless… anxious, worried, and stressed.

At long last, help had arrived! The bomberos (firemen) were going to save us from being consumed by flames!

There was much rejoicing… until we noticed that our “rescue squad” consisted of a couple of kids with a shovel and a hand-held water tank! At this point, stress and anxiety crept back in, as hope and wishful thinking became our best plan of action. As it turns out, the plan worked (or the kids knew what they were doing.) The fire was contained, and the bomberos left the scene.

Just a short time later, the original fire-starter calmly lit the fire again! By this time the wind had died down and he was able to keep it under control. All’s well that ends well, I suppose.

“Worrying is like a rocking chair, it gives you something to do, but it gets you nowhere.” –Glenn Turner

The thing about anxiety, worry, and stress during situations in which we are truly helpless is that they are a completely useless waste of energy. Because we were in the yard adjacent to the fire, we watched it with anxiety. The bystanders on the road watched it with curiosity. The fire didn’t know the difference, and none of us affected the outcome.

So… WHY WORRY?

Now I wish I had spent my afternoon curiously entertained, rather than worried and anxious. The next time I feel helpless, I’ll have to remember to make the conscious choice to chillax (chill-out, relax, there’s nothing you can do) and enjoy the ride!

Why Worry? Avoiding Feelings of Stress, Anxiety, and Helplessness is a post from: Quest for Balance

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SCENARIO 1: UNEXPECTED CRISIS – Sometimes you are going about your day and unpleasant things just happen. For instance, the guy in the picture above had just flipped over his truck on a Costa Rican highway. He could have been screaming and panicking; but instead, he decided to take the opportunity to have some breakfast. Calm… cool… collected. His approach was:

1. Accept the situation

Life is what it is. When things happen to you that you didn’t plan for, you’re just going to have to deal with it. Panic, frustration, and anger won’t get you out of your mess. Remaining calm just might.

2. Put a solution in motion

Take a moment to evaluate what has happened, and to decide what your best course of action is. Make some phone calls, get the help you need, start the process of getting out of the mess.

3. Get comfortable

Once you have done steps 1 and 2, all you can do is get comfortable while the solution unfolds. There comes a time when the only thing left to do is wait. When that happens, try to enjoy the downtime (like this truck driver did).

SCENARIO 2: BUSY SCHEDULE – There are other times when YOU are directly responsible for being too busy to enjoy your life. During these times it seems like all you do is go from one task to another, while your to-do list continues to grow.  This kind of stress can be overwhelming and extremely unhealthy. Here are three coping strategies for this scenario:

4. Learn to say NO

I cannot stress enough the sanity-saving properties of this one little word. When you consider that most of the people you deal with in life are also stressed out, it is no wonder that they are constantly looking to lighten their load by adding to yours. There are a few things we don’t have the luxury of being able to say no to; but there are many tasks we could turn down or delegate without causing the earth to fall off its axis. Find those tasks, and get rid of them.

5. Stop Everything

During my very busiest days, when I almost can’t see straight because I have so many things to do, I make it a point to stop everything for 30 to 60 minutes. During this time, my son and I sit on the futon in the sun room and talk about anything he wants to bring up. If I waited for a natural break in my schedule, it might never come. One task leads to another, and then to five more; suddenly a day, a week, or a year is gone. Life is a series of moments, so MAKE some wonderfully relaxing moments.

“Stress is basically a disconnection from the earth, a forgetting of the breath. Stress is an ignorant state. It believes that everything is an emergency. Nothing is that important. Just lie down.”  –Natalie Goldberg

6. Don’t forget to eat and sleep

It sounds obvious, but often the most basic needs get sacrificed when we have too much to do. The problem is, if we don’t have enough sleep, or the right nutrients, we are depriving our body of the very building blocks it needs to be productive. You wouldn’t attempt a road trip without gas in the car. How can you ask your body to do more than it usually does, while giving it less of what it needs?

SCENARIO 3: POOR DECISIONS – The third stress-inducing scenario happens when we make poor choices, stupid decisions, dumb mistakes… you get the idea. Once we start down the wrong path it can be difficult to right ourselves, which only makes matters worse as guilt starts to erode your inner peace. Suddenly you feel terrible about yourself, and get depressed, which only makes you continue to choose poorly. Try these three tips instead:

7. Look at the BIG picture

You will overcome this phase. You didn’t always make poor choices; you can get back to the right path. Even if you did make mostly poor choices, you have your whole life ahead of you. It is never too late to correct your mistakes.

8. Stop the bleeding

You won’t be able to heal this wound until you stop the bleeding. Once you know you made a mistake, don’t keep making it! Dedicate your energy to new beginnings, instead. Quit looking in the rear view mirror and concentrate on the road ahead so you can learn to choose wisely.

9. Focus on the Most Important Tasks first

The bigger the mistake, the longer your road to recovery will be. Sometimes this can be overwhelming because it seems you have too much to do to get back on track. Try to identify the most important things you need to do, and focus on those tasks (even if you have to force yourself at first). Once you get the ball rolling in the right direction, I think you will find it easier to keep the progress going.

There is one strategy that applies to all stressful situations:

10. Breathe… deeply

When we are busy, stressed, worried, anxious, and suffering from guilt, we tend to breathe shallow breaths, using only the top 20% of our lung capacity. That means your brain and body are getting 20% of the oxygen they should be getting.

If you have a lot going on and what you need is energy, endurance and clear thinking, one of the simplest ways to help yourself is to get 100% of the oxygen your body needs. Breathe like a baby: letting your stomach rise as you inhale the good, emptying your lungs completely as you exhale the bad. You’ll see, things have a way of working out.

Now, do you remember the picture of the overturned truck from the beginning of this post? Here’s a picture of the same truck being towed away later that evening. Life goes on!

Do you have any stress-reducing tips to share with us? Any favorite ways to remain calm in the face of adversity?

10 Ways to Remain Calm in a Stressful Situation is a post from: Quest for Balance

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